epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
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Salem 2x13&3x01&3x02 + Chicago Med (2015-?) 1x01 + iZombie 2x09 Reviewed

The Witching Hour
Why is John green? Cotton screams, he does that a lot. Anne prevents her and Cotton’s seismic break-up. John Jnr comes on to his mother. There are hilariously bad VFX. The Countess wears a tacky silver dress. Anne embraces satan worshipping. Mercy lurks. Tituba lurks and then is beset by birds. Mary and the Countess fight. Anne gets in the way.

Sebastian bores. Mercy is pathetic. Who is Sebastian’s father? Anne whines and engages in some domestic violence. John’s dead. Nobody does any actual work. Nobody notices any of this. Where are all the flies on dead John? Salem doesn’t seem as much as a hellhole as it did back in 1x01. The Countess is rejected by satan.

Best Lines:
“Now I’m done.”
“Hardly.”

“You are not my son. You are his tomb.”

“Your ungrateful face.”

“You’re all out of threats.”

After The Fall
Tituba is the new Seer now and is given a vision of what she has helped unleash. Isaac lurks. Sebastian and Hathorne lurk and plot. Things are instinctively wrong. John Alden is arrested and then it all changes. Sebastian is a tool. Mercy lurks and she always manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. This was good. Tituba raises dead Mary. Cotton rages at Anne and Anne rages at John Alden. This was all moodiness and had no inventiveness and resonance. Another blank faced bad actor shows up mumbling about the old tongue.

Best Lines:
“Open the way.”

“Did I choose to slaughter innocents? Choose to start a plague? Raise the devil himself? No. Mary Sibley chose to do those things.”

“The future that we have built.”

“Mary Sibley chose to become a witch.”

The Heart Is A Devil
Mary runs around like a dervish and tantrums like a toddler. People babble about the primordial tree. Marilyn Manson guest stars. Sebastian has self-seriousness. Cotton is not sufficiently deferential to the brat who seems a knock-off of The Anointed One from ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’. Isaac lurks. John’s tattoos have vanished. Mercy runs a brothel in puritan Salem. Another one? Does nobody recognise Mercy? Tituba hugs Grimalkin. John has to train soldiers. Cotton pontificates. WTF is bug man? Hathorne is pestilent. A new boy in town isn’t a boy. Everything in Salem has gone to hell.

Best Lines:
“Lying filthy whore.”

“What have you done to me now Queen of Bitches?”

“You can never escape Salem.”

“The devil we lead you to birth.”

“All deaths are suspicious.”

“The thing that was her son.”

“No one can be surprised at their doings.”

“He exists no more.”

~
Derailed
Yet another medical drama which stars Colin Donnell of ‘Arrow’ and Oliver Platt. There is a train crash. A new doctor (Donnell) arrives at his new job and is insulted by a jerk. A bad child actor tries to emote. A brain injured surrogate is the centre-piece of the plot. ‘Madoff’ was better than this. There is flat affect acting. This is part of the extended universe of ‘Fire’, ‘PD’ and ‘Justice’. The jerk snots and there is sap. No.

Best Lines:
“Crossing.”

“Burn a favour on this.”

~
Cape Town
A would be superhero dies. Liv nags Major. It is Christmas. Major meets an understanding zombie hooker. A murderer lurks and this was not good. A crime lord is sassy. Liv messes up and nags Major and dumps him. This was horrid as was Liv.

Best Lines:
“It’s not 1987.”

“Calls me from the trunk of a car.”
Tags: arrow, izombie, review, salem
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