epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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5 TV Reviews

Colony 2x02

Somewhere Out There
Adrian Pasdar lurks, coated in hair wax. In 1969, TPTB found an alien beacon on the moon. There is little evidence of Katie having remorse over the dreadful events she set in motion. Katie has an implacable nature and she is indignant. She’s still failed to demonstrate the necessary competence. Maddie lives in luxury with Nolan. Victory over the aliens is unachievable. Will kills warlords to bring Charlie home. Katie is being watched by Jennifer. The new boss shows up.

WTF is The Circle? Jennifer has her house searched. Bram lies, perhaps unwisely. He ends up in a labour camp. Will bores. Charlie is found. Nolan has no concern for his wife. Katie is ungrateful. Charlie is a dumb brat. Snyder runs the work camp. Maddie calls Katie out on her crap. Maddie faces a weird ceremony. What did she see? Jennifer bothers Katie. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I will hurt you.”

“I’m trying to keep my family together!”
“How’s that working out for you? This! This is why you‘re alone!”

“It’s like ‘Black Hawk Down’ out there.”

Fearless 1x05
Emma is a moron. She learns stuff about VIPS and Linda's uncle. Emma is arrested, a lot. Wild wins the leadership. Secrets come out about Linda and the base. Where is Linda’s friend Rachel? Linda’s death seems to be tied into people lying about Iraqi WMDs. Heather snots. Emma shrugs off the fact she had a terrorist in her house. Emma rants about illicit meetings. Heather is ignored. Emma won’t stop annoying people. Emma is vile to her boyfriend and calls him lazy and tries to throw him out. She is obviously cheating with the ex-cop sidekick. Emma yells about wanting a child. Emma has ruined Olivia’s career. Rachel has vanished. Kevin is dead. This bored.

Best Lines:
“She’s been arrested?”

“She told a big fat lie.”

“A war that no-one noticed.”

“Even The Guardian will laugh at you.”

In The Dark (2017) 1x01
A pregnant cop, Helen, stomps around in this crap drama. There are no good moral forces. Two girls have gone missing in Polesford and a man has been arrested. He is the husband of Helen’s former BFF Linda. Helen doesn’t show consideration. This leaves one disinterested. Helen is insufferable and she is full of pomposity. The plot is something about the inescapability of the past.

Linda is sullen and totally useless. This ep was a wilful failure. Linda doesn’t seem to grasp the enormity of what’s going on. Helen’s man knows the police investigating the abductions. His name is Paul but he can’t see that Helen is cheating on him and the baby isn’t his. Helen’s dad is gay. Helen has insouciance. Is Linda in romantic thrall to a killer? This was not captivating. Linda shrugs off the shattering force of what is happening.

I fundamentally dislike Helen and her enduring inscrutability. Linda snots and tantrums being shrieky as she incurs opprobrium. Linda has surly brats. There is an inexorable feeling that Linda is lying. I won’t bother watching any more. Why is Helen doing Paul such a disservice? Helen has a fearsome reaction to being called a school bully. Helen has secrets.

There are no difficult choices from which there is no return. A strange car is seen. Is a missing pig important? Paul is a cop too. This ep is increasingly futile. Helen and Paul’s aptitude to annoy proves to be their undoing. Helen and Paul aren’t insightful. There are over-reactions to things. I just don’t care.

Best Lines:
“Bad mouth them on TripAdvisor.”

“Say what you think you should?”

“Local sex god.”

“All a bit insect-y.”

“Pretty stinky.”

“Not like some of them.”


“Barking at clouds.”

“More yourself away from it.”

Salem 1x10-1x13

The House Of Pain
Increase is diligent in his awfulness. This was badly lit. Mary tries to reassert control over Mercy. Anne sneaks. Bad things perforce happen again. Mary wears a big hat and has a heightened state of rage which she shows via lip gloss and waxed eyebrows. Hale looks botoxed. Increase has requisitioned the brothel into a centre for enhanced interrogation. I had some interest in this but all that’s gone now. Mary babbles about immense consequences.

Best Lines:
“I imply nothing.”

“Worthy of nothing.”

“Get you home.”

“Under whose tender care he has mysteriously withered into an invalid.”

“I take no truth to be self-evident.”

“The devils you pretend to command.”

“Whatever it is you hold holy.”

“Take care wife.”

Cat And Mouse
John is adored by the commoners? Since when? Anne is onto Hale. Mary is dysfunctional and destructive. This ep could do better. Increase is invigoratingly dismissive of Cotton. Mary has a parasol. Where is Tituba? How has she not died from what Increase did to her? John is considered to have a distinguished character?!?! George spits. Increase is intrusive to the town’s functioning. Mary makes mis-statements. Mercy’s followers are questioned. Mary has tea and a china tea set in puritan Salem? Isaac shows up. There is a failed attempt to kill Increase. This was okay, though the 1990-1994 ‘Let The Blood Run Free’ was better. Anne learns she is a witch.

Best Lines:
“More questions I can answer to your dissatisfaction.”

“My friend, perhaps my only one.”

“Dignify their madness.”

Ashes, Ashes
Hags in the wood blather. Increase goes on about the tenants of rational thinking. Mary does evil by choice. John is tried. Mercy’s coven is executed. This bored.

Best Lines:
“Malignant manifestation of malice.”

“Angry eldritch gods.”

All Fall Down
John learns Mary is a witch. Mary and Increase are belligerent and pugnacious. Increase knew John was innocent; the entire trial was a trap for Mary. Cotton doubted John. Mary meets her baby who isn’t dead. Nobody has spiritual or intellectual growth. There is no emotional torment just unbearable egotism. Mary likes people to pay attention to her.

WTF is the red death? Mary and Increase fight and she tricks stupid Cotton into killing his father. This does not resonate. This was infantile. Mary is not keen on restraint. Anne kills her parents in a ‘Carrie’ like tantrum. Increase is eaten by pigs. Mercy plots. Is John dead? This was inconsequential. There are no social issues and this was ideologically toxic.

Best Line:
“Unchoose me.”

Reign 4x05

Highland Games
Charles is an unloved king. Mary is stupid. Narcisse is the worst. Mary lays claim to England and calls Elizabeth a bastard. There is a boxing match and a mention of the Rough Wooing. James bothers Knox’s wife. Claude is vile to her husband, she would have been locked up in a nunnery for that. Catherine shrieks. Greer’s husband wants to marry another. Leith is a snot. Mary falls for Darnley and Charles is crazy. This was okay.

Best Lines:
A defining decision.”
Tags: colony, fearless, reign, review, salem

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