epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The Handmaid’s Tale 1x07 + Gotham 3x14 + Salem 1x04-1x09 Reviewed

The Other Side
Lucas Bankhole escaped when his wife and child were captured. He hallucinates a tape recorder and nobody in Gilead seems to be rationalist. There was a convenient ambulance crash. Luke has quiet desperation at the state of his life. There was unfriendly graffiti spray-painted. Luke recalls his family as they made their botched escape. June whined. There is a mention of June’s mother. What became of her? Sterilisation was made illegal?

Luke is intransigent and unbidable. What became of his first wife? US passports are not valid anymore. Why isn’t Gilead patrolling the border with the Dominion of Canada? Luke met an escaped Handmaid but didn’t quite realise the ramifications. Luke was a moron who indulged in escalatory actions. Luke learns June is alive. This was horribly boring.

Best Lines:
“Not illegal.”
“Not yet.”

“Dump your brass.”

“I took his sister to the prom back in the day. Believe you me, he owes me a f--king favour.”

“After DC fell.”

The Gentle Art Of Making Enemies
Evil has walked into Gotham. There is divisiveness and a riot led by unruly Jerome worshippers. There is no noble truth. Nobody is morally impeccable. Riddler and Penguin are now irreconcilable enemies. Riddler is a ridic try hard. This was unstintingly horrible. People take appalled glee in Penguin’s downfall. Riddler is unashamed. Nobody conforms to the expected norms.

This has no intellectual respectability. Riddler puts Penguin in a death trap. Lee is a snot. Bruce is an idiot and Alfred is useless and this was crap. There is smashy crashy violence and malignant love and mores. Bruce tries to be a tough guy while caked in clown makeup. Jerome’s face gets punched off by Gordon. Gross. Gordon’s uncle shows up. Who? This pathetic ep doesn’t know when to end.

Best Lines:
“One giant dumpster fire.”

“I even forgive you.”

“I’m Bruce Wayne.”
“I’m aware.”

“Not really.”

Mercy is exorcised. Sheep wander around. A dude in a big hat shows up. Mary spews exposition. Cotton rants. Wasn’t he a slave owner? So much for his alleged morals. John correctly suspects Hale of being a witch. Mary plots, George has secrets and tries to communicate. Cotton is contentious. Mary has a passionate conviction in what she does. Big hat man is not too threatening.

Anne talks like a social media wit. John is a font of concern. Puritans throw a party. Salem doesn’t like Catholics. There is bad acting and no moral inventory. There is impiety and a stoking of tensions. Big hat man is given a message by George. Big hat man tries to blackmail Mary. This sucked.

Best Lines:
“One can’t pass up the rare gathering in Salem that doesn’t involve a noose and angry mob.”

“Distracted by drink or by whores.”

“No blood must lead back to our door.”

“I know what you are.”

Why is there a brothel in puritan Salem? Hags in the wood snarl. Mary heaves her breast implants and Mercy reclaims her agency. Tituba does nothing. Cotton obsesses over his whore. Why do the townsfolk listen to Mary’s words that supposedly represent George? Mercy realises she has power. Mercy and Anne and their friends play at witch-hunting. John mumbles. This was completely ineffective.

Best Lines:
“Well beyond the point of intimidation.”

“I’m not sure the servant is loyal.”

“Point your finger and watch them run.”

“There are worse places than hell.”

The Red Rose & The Briar
Cotton and John have captured a witch. Mercy moves in with Mary. Stupid people with no resourcefulness lurk. How Mary came to marry George is shown. I’d more enjoyment watching the start of ‘For Your Eyes Only’ that sees a Blofeld expy dropped down a smokestack than watching this. People wail pitifully. Everyone is a cretin with a thirst for power. Witch among us indeed.

Our Own Private America
Mary has no affect. John is bland. Stephen Lang shows up playing Cotton’s vile father; Increase Mather. Conflict laden Mary gets into John’s dreams. I was expecting this show to be as campy as early career Julian Clary not boring like bitter 2017 Julian Clary. John has it off with 5 hookers. Cotton shouts moral warnings. Increase burns an entire family at the stake. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Horribly dead.”

“Well known as wastrels and curs.”

“Devil’s whore.”

Increase is completely detestable. This ep is super irrelevant. The brothel madam and her support socks gets dunked in the pond. Cotton’s whore is banished by Increase. Everyone hates George. No.

Children, Be Afraid
Isaac bores. Increase never takes his gloves off. This was not good. Mary shows off her dirtypillows.  Mercy embraces evil. Mary wears fancy hats. Anne and John chat. Hags in the wood bore. Mary obsesses over a witch box. John takes his shirt off again. Tituba is denounced. Emily’s dad gets out of jail. Mercy is freaky. Emily’s dad is killed.

Best Lines:
“For any problem, murder is the first course of action.”

“The dung weren’t dry.”

“I do not argue this.”

“I love you.”
“And I wish to god you didn’t! Love me less.”

“Piss in the well of possibility.”

“You’re a cretinous failure.”
Tags: gotham, handmaids tale, salem

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