epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: The Initiation + Diamonds Are Forever + 2 others

The Initiation (1984)
A college girl has bad dreams, a professor has a lofty attitude, the college girl’s parents are weird and a loony escapees the nut ward. There are murders, a sorority prank, sex jokes and a malevolent killer. The ‘twist’ has no nuance or empathy and it is just a sad bid for attention.

This wretched mess is crap and easily forgettable. This was made with no exuberance and try as they might the baddie has no lip curling snarling and mercurial aggression. The violently unhinged killer makes no sense in this inconsequential tale of human squalor. One watches this with rising scorn.

Best Lines:
“Exclusive emporium for the wealthy.”

“Vomiting in your trash can again.”

“Virgin jokes.”

“Perfect nightmare stuff.”

“Suburban monoliths.”

“Buzz off nerd.”

“Wouldn’t look good for a Fairchild to have a homicidal daughter.”

~
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Teetering on the brink of satire from the start. 007 takes on Blofeld (Charles Gray is like the 4th actor to play him). This was interminable. People end up in yellow mud that looks like cat diarrhoea. Sean Connery is 007. Various white cats run around. Shirley Bassey warbles the naff theme song.

This was heinous and absolutely abysmal and made with delusional logic. This listlessness doesn’t merit deep consideration. This had no poignancy or power with no emotional resonance. This was tonally odd and 007 has no old sage gravitas. This was inconsequential and it was not rivetingly watchable.

This was completely terrible. Baddies smile unsettlingly. This was not dark or digressive. This was full of unlimited amorality that manages to be unspeakably banal. The idiot Bond girl Tiffany has 70s hair. There is a water bed with fish in it. There is a tacky Las Vegas hotel room that looks like a pimp’s abode. Bad girls Bambi and Thumper ‘fight’ Bond in a badly choreographed fight scene.

This was arrant nonsense. Blofeld is apparently killed off, but isn’t dead and he runs around in drag. There is fuss over a master satellite control tape. Tiffany wears a bikini on an oil rig. Blofeld tries to escape in a mini-submarine. Outdated tech is seen. An assassin menaces Bond with a flaming kebab. Tiffany is useless. 007 is a posturing lout with an addiction to drama.

Best Lines:
“There is no year for sherry.”

“Welcome to hell Blofeld.”

“Tiffany Case? Certainly distinctive.”

“I haven’t found out yet. Still haven’t found out.”

~
Creepers (1985)
Poo.

Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers (1989)
Crap.
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