epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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iZombie 2x06 + Salem (2014-2017) 1x01-1x03 Reviewed

Max Wager
The cop is at his most irritable and light is belatedly dawning on what exactly is taking place around him. Robert Knepper and Steven Williams guest star. A stupid lawyer is menaced by a bad actor. Blaine and his daddy are unvarying jerks. Major has generalised discomfort. Liv is socially inept. This raised interest and then rescinded it. Liv and Major have skype sex. Blaine kills his allegedly adored grandfather. Liv and Major can’t have sex. Major kills Blaine’s evil dad, well that was a downer.

Best Lines:
“Ungrateful parasite.”

“I’m discussing statuary.”

“Suffer bitch.”

“This wall thing.”

~
The Vow
1685: Salem is under stark authority. John Alden (Shane West) is not concerned with being liked and is sent off to war leaving his love Mary behind. Bad wigs are worn and Mary is pregnant with John’s child. George Sibley has animosity to John and is intimidatory. Tituba does dubious activity in the woods and 7 years pass. Salem in 1692 is apocalyptical.

Seth Gabel of ‘Fringe’, Tamzin Merchant of ‘The Tudors’ and Xander Berkeley of Nikita’ also star. There are beards and conniving people. There is impending lunacy in Salem. Cotton Mather (Gabel) rants and Giles Corey (Kevin Tighe of ‘Lost’) lurks. Mary married George Sibley and is now important. She doesn’t look like a puritan. Sibley is a drooling invalid. Cotton casts aspersions and sows discord. John Alden returns home with the wrong kind of personality for 1692.

There is sex and nudity. Mary is a witch and afflicts Mercy with suffering. Hale (Berkeley) is the father of Anne (Merchant). There is no resumption of Mary and John’s love. Mary doesn’t dress or act like a puritan. There are mirrors, fur collars and jewellery in puritan Salem. Giles Corey knows something about Mary. Cotton leads Mercy around on a lead like a dog to sniff out witches. He’s in a triumphal state. Nobody has detached dignity.

The hot witches wear Victoria’s Secret like underwear. Giles dies. This was okay. John learns witches are real. There is a twist. Mary plots and cannot act. People cackle suavely. Mary speaks with transparent indifference.

Best Lines:
“Ten hard ones.”

“Who said that?”
“Jesus. You might have heard of him.”

“Witch panic.”

“Who know not god.”

“There ain’t any Aldens left.”

“Stop your weeping woman.”

“I don’t want to do this.”
“Then don’t.”

The Stone Child
Cotton is having a crisis. He has no accountability for his supposed justifications. The deep logicality of the witch hunt goes on. John rages in hypocritical response. Hale arrests John. There is disparagement. Mary is undeniably coercive. The fornicator babbles. A seer lurks in the wood. A midwife speaks sense. Mercy is strung up in church like a decoration.

There is a mention of The Grand Rite, something big Mary and her fellow witches are carrying out. John is un-arrested. Mary damns the midwife who is her friend and whose compassion was a calamitous decision. There is blood vomiting. John makes a sound argument for sense but is ignored. There is bad acting and Mary does evil. John is like super annoyed. This was terrible with no ensorcelling strangeness.

Best Lines:
“A prettier pigeon.”

“The doom that’s come upon Salem.”

“Unwanteds.”

In Vain
Anne has visions. Mary’s malefic influence grows. The fornicator is bothered. Mary is unassailable and has no self restraint. She runs Salem and commits elder abuse on her bewitched husband. People contemplate their navels. Mary is self-protective and learns that John knows. She wants to keep him safe. Anne tantrums. There is bad over-acting. Mary torments Anne and this was mediocre eventlessness.

Best Lines:
“You was born neither.”

“Looked dead until they didn’t.”

“Hide your wives! Hide your sheep!”

“The pig man?”
Tags: izombie, nikita, salem
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