epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Perfect Bride + Night Warning + Kedi + Fun+ 2 others

The Perfect Bride (1991)
A young woman (Kelly Preston of ‘Spacecamp’, ‘Spellbinder’, ‘Twins’, ‘Addicted To Love’, ’Battlefield Earth’, ’View From The Top’ and 'Sky High’) suspects that her brother (Linden Ashby) is going to marry an insane lunatic serial killer (Sammi Davis). This has bad acting, an idiot plot and a terrible fight scene between Stephanie (Davis) and an unfortunate caterer.

Laura (Preston) has 80s hair, 80s clothes are worn and Allison Mack of ‘Smallville’ pops up as young Stephanie with a bad accent in endless flashbacks. Stephanie murders grooms who disappoint her as well as anyone who stands between her and her latest disposable man. She carries needles full of potassium around with her. She acts like a crazy jealous loon and Laura notes her dark intent and how she gets cross to the point of being homicidal.

Whenever Laura tries to warn her family who hate her about Stephanie she comes across as a snot who is overtly polemic with her personal animus. She rants at a reverend. There is outdated tech and Stephanie freaks out every other scene. Laura is disliked. The reverenced gets got when he doesn’t realise that Stephanie’s psychosis hangs grimly over her. The family are stupid and the senile grandfather is ridiculous. This was bad.

Stephanie kills many stupid victims. There is a chase scene. The husband to be, Ted, is an easily manipulated airhead. Ted’s cop friend yells at Laura. Things finally come to the bitter conclusion. Stephanie sees Ted with a stripper who doesn’t strip. There is a dream sequence and people mock the senile. Stephanie and Laura bitch at each other. Laura visits a Pan Am desk. There are jokes about yoyos. Stephanie stares menacingly and plans to kill Ted. Laura makes a threat to murder Stephanie and Stephanie is driven to kill by memories of her crazy big haired dead mother.

Laura is hysterical and has a fight with Stephanie who is wearing an 80s wedding dress. Stephanie shows her crazy and whips out a butcher knife. Laura smacks Stephanie with a baseball bat giving her a Disney villain death in the architectural death trap house. Oddly Laura and her mom jeans isn’t arrested despite making a direct threat to murder her unwanted sister in law. This was horribly bad with a music box of weirdness.

Best Lines:
“I’ve waited so long to find the right man; I couldn’t let you ruin it.”

“Is there something wrong with your heart?”

“I can’t understand you people.”

“See that bitch exposed.”

“Couldn’t love her enough.”

“She even ended up with my birthday present!”

“Such a pervert!”

“You’re actually serious?”

“A few bricks short of a load.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You don’t see her for what she really is!”

“What sick little game.”

“You even look like a mental case!”

“You dumb son of a bitch! Stephanie is murdering people!”

“Your mother’s really pissed.”

“He’s never been good enough.”

“Another deceitful bastard.”

“With her last fiancé!”

“What’s going on here?”

“You all lied to me.”

Night Warning aka Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1982)
This exploitation horror is based on the Oedipus myth. Susan Tyrrell, Julia Duffy and Bill Paxton star. This is a low budget morass of screaming and an aunt (Tyrrell) obsessed with her nephew. Eddie (Bill Paxton) is a classmate of the nephew and is a horrible bully. The nephew, Billy, has a girlfriend (Duffy). The aunt wants to sabotage Billy as she doesn’t want him leaving her. She kills a TV repairman when he turns down her advances kicking off a sleazy and sordid tale. The aunt heads for full throttle dementia. A crazy cop treats Billy like street meat and is satanic. This was trash.

Best Lines:
“Get that slut out of here!”

“This is a glass. We use this for drinking.”

“I gotta meet coach after I shower.”

“Some of us are better than others.”

“Thanks for the pickled tomatoes!”

“I’m wearing a skirt.”
“You could ride side-saddle.”

“College is for rich kids and people with brains. You wouldn’t fit in there.”

“Stay here and contribute something.”

“You’ve upset me.”

“No one’s going to stop me. Not even you!”

“I need a man.”
“Well it’s not going to be me.”

“If I know you, you’ll drop it.”

“You’re going to tell me again son.”

“You stupid bully!”

“You filthy pig!”

“Are you talking to me lady?”

Kedi (2016)
A documentary about beloved street cats in the beautiful old city of Istanbul. This is in Turkish with subtitles. It shows various people caring for the much beloved moggies. There are various pretty shots of the city. This was a meaningful engagement and has a funny scene involving a man reminiscing about his father worrying he might be turning Christian. When he was a boy he cared for cats and when they died he buried them and made crosses out of twigs, after being inspired to do so by Clint Eastwood westerns. So his father freaked out. There is also a sad scene involving an injured kitten. This is a must for cat lovers.

Fun (1994)
This was a dull Alicia Witt issue movie.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday The 13th (2000)

Wrong Turn (2003)
Walking and talking and inbred hillbilly cannibals. So dull.
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