epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Dawn Of The Dead + Epic Movie + Beaches

Dawn Of The Dead (2004)
This dull remake of the duller original starred Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames and Jake Weber. It has good opening credits but major logic gaps. How did they get into the mall? Why are the security guards so endlessly belligerent? This was anything but impressive and was calamitous. This shows the dire consequences of stupidity and self-delusion. There are cameos from 2 stars of the original.

This was not made with any discernable logic. Nobody has poise or confidence. There is bad CGI and ruthless abandonment of human decency. There is mumbling and a porn-tache. There is anger and fear but no unaffectedness or assurance. Matt Frewer has a cameo as does a guy from ‘Stargate: Universe’. How does the mall have power? There is a zombie baby which isn’t as unnerving as it should be. Why are the zombies fast? TPTB remade ‘Night’, ‘Dawn’ and ‘Day’. WHY? ‘Land of the Dead’ and ‘Diary of the Dead’ were okay and better than this.

Tragically and inevitably, this heads towards the expected devastatingly dark conclusion. Weber is disarming. Why is Polley wearing bright red lipstick after the fall of civilization? There is an ‘A Team’ montage as the gang of tools fortify mall shuttle buses to escape to an island. The plan to escape to said island goes about as well as you’d expect.

Best Lines:
“What are they?”

“Maybe they’re coming for us.”

“We’re going to drive across a ruined city through a welcome committee of few hundred thousand dead cannibals.”

“Back when there was 8 of us.”

“When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.”

~
Epic Movie (2007)
No.

Beaches (1988)
Was I supposed to care?
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