epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: My Sweet Audrina + 3 others

My Sweet Audrina (2016)
This Lifetime movie adapts the classic 1982 Virginia Andrews novel. Audrina is tormented by memories of the first perfect dead Audrina by her oppressive, corrupt and violent father Damien. Arden lurks. Audrina’s dim and her cousin/half-sister Vera does not have apricot hair. They live in Whitefern which is a weird place. Audrina has avoidant personality disorder. This was confusing and opaque.

Why is Audrina deferential despite her anger, indignation and distress at her weird upbringing? This was not tantalising. There is no moral centre. Damien is inscrutable and sinister. Her momma is a drama queen. This was not relentlessly bleak just inadequate. This was all acrimony and has no dignified acts. Audrina (India Eisley) wails and Damien (James Tupper) leaves one deeply perplexed.

The novel was all inherently over the top weirdness, this was not believably intense. This was all missed opportunities. There is no gripping central conflict. This was not dramatically satisfying. Arden is creepy. Audrina’s mother over-emotes and dies. Audrina’s other sister does not appear in this movie. A piano teacher features. This was not gleefully provocative and lacks glaring intensity and dark minds.

Damien is crazy. Vera is determined and wilful. Damien’s venomous behaviour makes Audrina pathetic and scared. There are ongoing disputes and locked away emotions. Damien hates Vera and is causally cruel to her. Vera’s mother dies too. Arden and Audrina elope. Wasn’t she just a teenager? The sense of time passing is not clear. Teen Vera (Kacey Rohl of ‘Arrow’, ‘The Magicians’ and ‘Hannibal’) is replaced by adult Vera.

This was underwhelming and Vera is wildly inappropriate, cold and calculating. She is a poisonous influence. This was dumb, full of copious amounts of dumb.

Best Lines:
“Because of her I was never allowed to enter the woods or even go to school.”

“Newspapers never came on the day they were due.”

“That is not polite conversation.”

“You really are stupid.”

“Don’t be mean to me!”

“If you do, I’ll run.”

“Guide my fingers.”

“I don’t want to stop liking you.”

“Not the work of god.”

“Why can’t you be sweet and pure and obedient?”

“This house is my coffin!”

“What is this filth?”

“I’m worried about Vera.”
“Don’t be.”

William & Kate (2011)
This was crap. Let love reign my ass.

The Italian Job (2003)

Death Becomes Her (1992)
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