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Julia shagged Sergio. It is kinda creepy that Ilaria stole him as a child and raised him to be an assassin/sex toy. He seems to have forgotten the whole stolen children plot. The Ilaria nutters plan to wipe out 75% of humanity. Why are the immortals wearing contact lenses in the privacy of their HQ? Immortals smirk threateningly and are hostile, intimidating and defensive. Is there a photo lab on the island? Michael is incalculably horrible and has a cold smile. It is a shame this was axed, it is brilliantly absurd, even if season 2 is less thematically coherent than season 1.

Alan is hostile and fierce and not conciliatory. The fungus pathogen is in the apples. Or something. Alan is all insincerity. Anne is devoted to Michael. Amy pouts and is sick of her social existence. Anne wants Amy to bear Michael a daughter, like she did and her mother and her mother before her did. Peter is still down the hole and gets rats dropped on him. Michael calls his incestuous inbreeding “the planting ritual”. Anne has unshakeable devotion to the gloriously nasty Michael.

Amy has discontent and frustration. Michael protects his owns interests and reputation. Nobody is affable and kindly. Alan has a continuing refusal to be good. Kyle is thick. Are the Sergio/Julie scenes happening at the same time as the scenes on the island with Alan, Peter and co? When did Sergio grow the stubble? Where are his girlfriend and her brother? When and why did Julia sign up with Ilaria? Where is the Scythe? There is suddenly a triage station on the island. The ill-equipped team are of no help. Amy is in a beguiling mood and does misconduct. Peter is menaced by a CGI rat. This was good. Sex-repulsed Amy does surprising and terrifying things. Alan’s moral failings grow. Olivia rants and is totally unreasonable. There is a good jump scare. Sarah snots and nobody has trepidation.

Best Lines:
“Any mortals deemed essential. We expect this to be a short list.”

“Mind your tone with me.”

“What you should be is grateful.”


“I do hope you’re not vegan.”

Cross Pollination
In 1601; we see Michael start his path of darkness. How did he hide his eyes then? How did immortals become immortal? Alan choked Sarah and her foetus was stolen. There is an ass shot. Michael breeds infertility causing apples. That is what Ilaria want: food that will cause male infertility. Things are getting shockingly grim. Peter is still down the hole, except now he has Anne for company. Anne calls to Michael’s mercy. Michael doesn’t mollify his followers anymore. He wants Amy for immoral purposes.

How does Kyle know about Ilaria? Who was he working for? Alan is not psychologically shaken and un-reprimanded for his crap. Anne acquiesces. Alan doesn’t act in any meaningful way. Michael plans to wipe out his cult/family. And does so. This is the THIRD time he’s done this! What did Michael mean when he talked about teeth? He’s on to Amy. Sarah wants her stolen foetus back. She rants about Alan’s hatred for immortals (which include her and her foetus). Michael calls the purges “a thinning”. This was okay. People die and this was bloody creepy. Also Michael rants semi-coherently.

Best Lines:
“Bow to his whim.”

“Offer yourself.”

“Their human problem.”

Vade In Pace
Michael wants more purifying. Landry and co want to un-follow him. Apart from Amy, he faces no vocal opposition. Alan and Sarah fail to notice the absolute horror on the island. Sarah wants her foetus. 30 years in the future, the cult is long gone. Also St Germain looks rather temperate for being located south of Costa Rica. Michael does things to devastating effect and sets the whole agenda. Amy has tenacity. Where does Michael get the tempered glass? Amy asks for preferment. He goes on about “planting”.

Peter beats up Alan. The CDC shows up. There are no moral standards. How did the pathogen spread off the island? Can bees fly 40 plus miles? Michael is discounted. Alan is morally objectionable. He hates on people for daring to exist in ways he doesn’t like. There are no detached decisions. Sarah tells Kyle about immortals. Amy has Michael bricked up in his own oubliette. He rages like he is Lear. 30 years later Julia breaks him out, he isn’t grateful. There is death, Sarah’s foetus looks very big, Caleb shows up and Amy reaches too high. This was okay with bad VFX.

Best Lines:
“This island is nothing but a grave.”

“I went missing for 3 days; they didn’t make much of an effort to find me.”

Alan hallucinates Doreen. Amy annoys. Julia and Sergio arrive on the island. Amy seems to have a nose ring scar. Sarah wants her tadpole back. There are crazy infected cannibals in the woods. Soren shows up. What happened to Sergio being conflicted? Julie is disconcerting in her awfulness. Peter has caustic delivery, Amy and Landry have certain aspirations, Kyle is in peril and Peter wants certain assurances. Kyle has complete dread. WTF is the Bleeding Tree? What is Mother that Anne goes on about? How does Kyle know his captors are called Cadmus and Carol? There are bizarre accents and Kyle does something utterly moronic. This was not conducive to joy. Kyle is a dramatic moron and not a justice seeker.

Best Lines:
“Don’t Sergio me.”

“An outside world problem.”

“You’re a pig.”
“And pigs get fed.”

Public Enemy No 1
Rittenhouse plan to kill Garcia Flynn’s mother. Mason has no moral assessment. Valid complaints are ignored. Rufus yaps. The strength of their emotional reaction is OTT. Lucy wants her sister back. Her fiancée is still AWOL. Rufus and Lucy get yet another new sidekick, who then vanishes. Behaviour is all unacceptability. Jiya has a crushing realisation that Mason is a dick. This was distinctive. Misha Collins shows up as Eliot Ness Then Garcia Flynn causes the death of Eliot Ness! Capone had a brother who was a probition agent?!? Mason is awful and Rufus gets shot. This was okay. Who is in the right; Flynn or Rittenhouse? Wyatt spews platitudes.

Best Lines:
“I’m Connery, this is Costner, this here’s our driver Robert De Niro.”

“Watch where you’re bleeding.”

“Beyond being saved.”

“Are you wearing a woman’s sweater?”

“Occasional brick through the window.”

“I’m wearing button fly jeans from the Gap!”

“That’s not troubling at all.”

Into The Speed Force
Why does Joe keep calling Barry his son? HR annoys. Will Snow just go evil already? Barry sneers, Wally is in the speed force and Barry and Iris have DRAMA. Robbie Amell, Rick Cosnett, Wentworth Miller and John Wesley Shipp guest star and are wasted. Barry lies and Joe is more gravely concerned about Barry and Iris’ relationship than Wally’s life. This was not morally complex. This was egregious and all shallowness. This was barely even perfunctory.

Joe and his preoccupation with Iris’ vagina bores and is creepy. Dialogue smothering muzak drones. Everyone (even dead characters returning) have a group attachment to Barry. Season 3 has been comparatively mundane. Barry has un-acceptance of what he did wrong. HR yells and Cisco yaps. Where is Gideon? Everyone consistently lick-arses Barry. This is cheap looking. Ronnie and Snow could have had a baby if not for Barry. Jesse sulks. Hunter Zolomon shows up, why nobody ever looked up his Earth1 counterpart? Barry has remarkable composure for the eternal torment he causes people. He is unconscionable. I’m done with this show. Snart broods in his parka and Jay Garrick shows up, poor Jay. And poor wasted Eddie.

Best Lines:
“Getting a little slow in your golden age.”

“Can’t do that either.”

“Choices have consequences.”

“That was oddly satisfying.”


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