epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Beyond The Gates + Lucy + The Dirty Dozen

Beyond The Gates (2016)
Barbara Crampton stars in this terrible retro-horror. Two brothers visit their missing father’s huge video store and find a VHS board game. The snotty brother and the bad brother stare. There is a cop and a superfluous girlfriend. There is a snyth score and the arseface snotty brother Gordon revels in disapproval. This is a fashion horror show of very little substance. This evokes no deep emotion and is not quite up to it and Gordon is maudlin.

This has no unthinkable oddness. This is not nakedly emotional and has no psychological reckoning. Gordon has problematic self regard. His brother John is untrusted. Their dad is not of blessed and glorious memory. He also had no submission to modernity. John is motley, rude and ill-mannered.

This slides into torpor quickly and do not attach great importance to this. There is no reasonable or rational basis for what happens or what people do. Gordon denigrates his father and John. There is bad acting and the game’s hostess (Crampton) overdoes the eye makeup. John is a wastrel. Gordon is actively unpleasant and this has a feral and squalid air. There is eccentric acting and this was unappealing and imperfect.

The morally suspect Gordon stares and there is erratic swings of emotion. This is not a nostalgic mediation. Gordon is an unresponsive fun sponge. There is no uncanny ambiguity. This had hype and promise but did not deliver. This was not harrowing and has no rage and horror. This was contrived and not potent or disquieting. Weirdness does not motivate concern. This was all false concern and unpleasant shifts. There is gore and nothing makes sense. The script is bad and there is general illogic. This was an arch, low budget horrible incoherent mess that makes no sense and has purple lighting.

Best Lines:
“I mean not dead.”

“Saying what needs to be said.”

“The old castration by boat propeller scene.”

“That would be nice.”

Lucy (2014)

The Dirty Dozen (1967)
Vile men are used in an army mission in WWII. This was very brown, name actors gurn, this was dated and okay.

Best Lines:
“The visiting forces act.”

“What if he is?”
“I’d be very unhappy sir.”

“Those filthy strumpets.”

“Yard birds.”

“Distinctly unfavourable.”

“To which I am totally indifferent.”
Tags: movie review

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