epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Cromwell + 5 others

Cromwell (1970)
This stars Richard Harris, Alec Guinness and Timothy Dalton in this inaccurate tale of the English civil war. It was fought between 2 sides and 2 men who felt morally justified behaving however they wanted because they thought they were absolutely correct. There is lots of shouting and overacting. The Royalists are overdressed. Cromwell tantrums and smashes up stuff. A nobleman acts like he’s Sid James. The Queen and her son look silly. The sulkily faced Cromwell (Harris) has no emotional growth.

The King (Guinness) needs to stop looking at what he doesn’t have and start looking at what he does have. The king broods and silly hats are worn. Cromwell has fearful resentment and glares with baleful effect. Significant issues are missing or not covered. The rabble in the street are incapable of trust and await reprisal. Cromwell has intense hostility to the king even though he ends up running the country just like the executed king. This had no narrative momentum or conflict. Cromwell believes in instilling values but is not meticulous and methodical and was really no different from Charles I.

Best Lines:
“It is treasonable talk and I will not have it in my house.”

“He has spoken treason against the king.”

“Work and bread for all.”

“Has this king forgotten the Spanish Inquisition?”

“Awaits your pleasure.”

“Lies beneath the bogs of Ireland.”

“Guarantee their loyalty?”

“Much here has changed.”

“Declare war on my own people?”
“Aye! Before they declare war on you!”

“No money for the king.”

“Tried my patience.”

“They were well supported.”

“Bargain for your crown.”

“I will not sign this warrant.”

“Give it to a whore!”

“AWAY WITH THIS BAUBLE!”

~
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
John Barrowman stars in this badly made shark attack movie. This had bad acting and bad lines.

The Face Of Fu Manchu (1965)
Okay Hammer flick.

The Fiendish Plot Of Fu Manchu (1980)
A parody and not a good one.

The Brides Of Fu Manchu (1966)
Fu (Christopher Lee) and his devil daughter kidnap the daughters of scientists and keep them chained to pillars to make their daddies build a death ray. Can Nayland Smith save the day? Okay.

The Vengeance Of Fu Manchu (1967)
Fu plots a cunning vengeance plot via magical plastic surgery to destroy and discredit Nayland Smith. And it works. Dumb. The BBC showed the 1st 3 films endlessly for years but the last 2 in the saga never aired.
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