epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles + The Hungover Games + 7 others

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
This was an okay if incoherent tale of 4 fairly repellent looking CGI mutant turtles who protect NY from vagueness. There is an exposition dump opening and April O’Neill (Megan Fox and her lip job) runs around sporting a very 90s yellow leather jacket. Her camera man Vernon tags along. Generally marauding baddies do badness and April faces widespread ridicule and disbelief for saying mutant turtles vigilantes patrol the city. Eric Sacks (William Fitchtner of ‘Prison Break’, ‘Invasion’ and ‘The Lone Ranger’) is old, nostril flaring and obviously evil. The movie smacks of reshoots and re-editing. Shredder lurks in perpetual gloom. The turtles origins are tied into young April and people with no concept of a sterile lab or a turtle’s feeding habits. Where did the TMNT get all their gadgets? This had a worrying tendency to stupidity but people with fond memories of the 80s cartoon will enjoy this hog feed.

Best Lines:
“That kind of bad.”

“You’re ninja mutant turtle teenagers.”

“Maybe she has hot friends.”

“A dark force is growing.”

“I’m a snapping turtle fool!”

“They step over the good people of this city.”

“Tonight I dine on turtle soup.”

“You don’t just buy this stuff.”

“A sexy seagull.”

“His soul has been poisoned.”

“Heroes in a half-shell.”

“He’s doing his Batman voice.”

~
The Hungover Games (2014)
3 artfully dishevelled dudes with blithe disregard end up in the Hunger Games doing unpleasant stuff in this unfunny mash-up. This should be greeted sniffly. This had bad sound. Everyone has belligerence and the sexism is disturbing. This was long waning and intrinsically terrible and full of sublimated sexual perversity. This leaves you with bored disengagement. People berate the perfidy of their friends and this made no sense at all.

Best Lines:
“I blame you for the majority of it.”

“Mike Tyson rant.”

“Are you having a flashback montage?”

“I saw murderous talking puppets.”

~
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Doesn’t do it for me.

Nostradamus (1994)
Okay.

Peter Pan (2003)
Horrible and causes furious impatience.

The Three Stooges (2012)
I’m openly aghast at how unutterably dreadful this was.

Home Alone (1990)
No.

Cars (2006)
No.

Children of Men (2006)
Okay.
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