Heathers (1988)
Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty, Lisanne Falk, Glenn Shadix, Patrick Labyorteaux, Lance Fenton, Renee Estevez, Jennifer Rhodes and the late Kim Walker star in this classic comedy. The three primary coloured Heathers (Walker, Falk and Doherty) rule their school with Veronica (Ryder) as a hanger on. There is utterly unmissable brilliant black satire in this outrageous movie. Opaque tights, big hair and bizarre slang are the Heathers weapons in their quest to dominate the school.
Synth music plays and Heather number 1 (Walker) wears the red scrunchie of power but has no sense of responsibility. The Heathers have absolute authority at Westerburg High, until they die! The writer and director of this never lived up to their potential. New boy JD (Slater) lurks. This is a tart drama with no ordered discipline of social realism. This is an okay chronicle of teenage pathology that has irresistible energy. Kurt and Ram (Fenton and Labyorteaux) are the relentlessly moronic bullying football players who make the big mistake of menacing JD. Nowadays JD the utterly crazed rebel would be in jail for the gun ‘prank’ he pulled on them in the cafeteria.
The cruel confusing realities of teen life and the lack of sense of any real learning going on at the school dominate. There are logically indefensible logic gaps (JD not getting expelled for the gun ‘prank’, the unnoticed bomb, the ending and the utterly inept coroner). Heather number 1 drags Veronica to a party with frat boys where things go badly. JD and Veronica play another ‘prank’ and exit Heather number one.
There is dank dialogue, no ethical complexity and nobody is clearly moved and little warmth is displayed. JD’s weird father lurks. Heather number one’s hair moves when she’s in her coffin. Nobody intervenes when Kurt and Ram beat up a guy after the funeral. This is not an insightful study. People see it as their inalienable right to be awful in this deliciously nasty movie. It’s God v Veronica’s boyfriend and God’s losing. Sadly after many fun jokes about mineral water and friends who are bad for you, ordained normality must be restored for the cop out ending.
Stock unpleasant bully behaviour is greeted with greater aggression as Kurt and Ram overstep a mark and pay for it. You can see them breathing in their coffins. Their joint funeral complete with football helmets and the movie’s most famous line is hilarious. There is no social death for JD and Veronica’s crassness. But JD the psycho faces defeat and Veronica gets away with all her crap.
Best Lines:
“Heather bend over.”
“You don’t have anything for her either.”
“I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON!”
“Talk and feel. Together.”
“Praise Jesus. Hallelujah!”
“God, aren’t they fed yet?”
“I’d pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face and have a ride like the Kentucky Derby.”
“Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so 87.”
“Can you bleach out urine stains?”
“Made proper use of the word myriad.”
“Don’t think.”
“Let’s laugh at the hippy.”
“Sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets.”
“What do you think I’m going to do with it? Take out her tonsils?!?”
~
No Good Deed (2014)
A crazy man (Idris Elba) escapes from custody and ends up at a whining mother’s house. She (Taraji P Henson) makes the big mistake of letting him in. He is obviously unhinged and then her slutty friend (Leslie Bibb of ‘Popular’ and ‘The Following’ and ‘Iron Man’) shows up. There is death, yelling, showering and slapping. This was DUMB.
~
Betsy’s Wedding (1990)
Alan Alda, Madeline Kahn, Anthony LaPaglia, Joe Pesci, Ally Sheedy and Molly Ringwald star. A Walter Mitty like man (Alda) annoys. People talk down huge mobiles, people have bad perms and the insatiably annoying characters plan the wedding of Betsy (Ringwald). Betsy’s dad does not live a life of contemplation, he loves discoursing and nobody is emintely sensible. Dad’s ego is strikingly manifest. This was not laudable. Pernicious in laws show up. This has some ready wit but not enough. People have unwavering devotion to dubious competition. Stoically covetous people must be endured by the engaged couple in tolerant fashion.
The opportunistic in laws get worse, this seldom seems cerebral, this was not an insightful study and was not strikingly engaged or fiercely determined. I felt scorn for the dad. The wife (Kahn) has big hair, a mobster (LaPaglia) woos Betsy’s sister (Sheedy) and a brother in law (Pesci) is a jerk. Betsy cuts up her 80s wedding dress to make a hideous dress. This was not vibrantly creative and had bad acting. This was sap but is okay. Dylan Walsh plays the groom and Samuel L Jackson is in this somewhere but praise is not forthcoming.
Best Lines:
“This looks like a problem I know.”
“They leave mud around.”
“At your slumlord trial.”
“Don’t call it the slumlord trial.”
“I would not give up until he did.”
“Kept escalating, like the arms race.”
“We can’t pay for this.”
“A real prick, just like you.”
“Do I like refuse removal?”
“I say this with respect.”
~
Hudson Hawk (1991)
Bad.
