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7 TV Reviews

Quantico 1x16-1x19

Where is Sita? She had a pretty nice family, she just chooses not to participate in it. Ryan’s bitch ex is overly robust. Nobody does good stuff. Simon looks like he could be a Columbine shooter. Ryan’s ex is inconsiderate. Liam is a dick. Is Caleb’s old cult based on a certain cult of happyology? What is Shelby’s damage? Nobody is truly concerned. Ryan is a jackass. Things do not go calmly and smoothly. Will the Hollywood autistic annoys. Claire is really small and petty.

I detest Ryan. This had no subtle force. Shelby has issues. Ryan has no dependability. Liam is a joke. This was maddening with no care or psychological realism. Ryan is detestable. Caleb is a liar.

Best Lines:
“That convenient recurring line.”

“She was supposed to know me.”

Simon chats to Ryan. Iris lurks. This was dull. Ryan is a nugget that won’t flush. What happened to Will? Drew sneers. Shelby reunites with her parents (Kelly Rutherford and Kevin Kilner). How did her parents get out of the country after 9/11 if all flights were grounded? Kilner puts on a bad fake southern accent. Ryan rants. The CIA is involved. Shelby’s parents are mercenary lying war criminals. The baddie is called The Voice. I thought Alex said she exposed Shelby’s parents as war criminals - so when did that happen?

Best Lines:
“Jackass husband.”

“Vetted you, poorly.”

“Busting Palins in Anchorage,”

“Knowing a war was coming.”

“Arming an enemy.”

The twins are snotty. Ryan is stupid and does not sound authentic. Clayton shows up in flashbacks. Liam is a dick. The twins have issues. What is a group awakening programme? There is twin trouble and Claire whines. Ryan is a smug git. Iris doesn’t trust Caleb. Shelby tantrums. Junkie Caleb is being locked in the attic by his mother.

Liam has no approachability. The FBI are jerks. Liam and Ryan are burks in a forceful manner. Nobody has regal power. Caleb is resignedly awful. There are adverse implications for stepping out of line. Ryan and Liam’s empty lifestyles annoy. Clayton is a pig faced burk in flashback. Miranda is angry. This was not persuasive. Drew is tired of Alex’s drama. This was not constructive. Things go badly for Will and Caleb. Claire is morbid. What is Caleb up to? Mmmm.

Best Lines:
“No, not with you.”

“If I tell them I’m leaving again.”

“I’m plotting against you.”

“Area of concern.”

“Not cleared.”

“He always gets another chance.”

“Does he have something on you?”

“Leave gracefully.”

“To have him threaten to kill himself I don’t let his drug dealer in the house?”

This was good with another reveal. How does Alex pay rent in NY? Where is Sita? What’s up with Drew? Why wasn’t Iris cut? Nobody listens to Shelby. The twins meet their boss (Daniel Kash). Ryan snots. Alex shows off her latest hairdo. Natalie’s mother shows up looking for her. Shelby’s hair has grown and she wears evil eye-make up and plots. Natalie died 6 days ago. Drew’s done. Nobody likes Alex much.

Fidelity, bravery and integrity is the FBI’s motto. Nobody has much of it. Shelby left the FBI? When? Shelby feigns being the victim. There are paranoid musings and bad VFX. Nobody is modest, loyal or exemplary. Impudent clamorous persons are unscrupulous. The downward slide in quality ends. Are Shelby’s parents really dead this time? Alex is regarded as a hindrance to people’s aims in life. Are the cult the big bad? The cult is creepy. Nobody recognised The Voice before now? Caleb whines.

Best Lines:
“I know how to make you better.”

“I’ll make sure you die first.”

“They do not play nice.”

“For fun, we work.”

“Find her, find her now.”

“You went to them?”

Blindspot 2x02

Heave Fiery Knot
Jane was in Afghanistan in 2013? There is info on Orion. Sandstorm wants to reset America? Jane isn’t American, nobody points that out. Kurt can’t articulate the answers to painful questions. There is contravention of sense. This was unrealistic. A DEA agent sells weapons to cartels. Jane has no cowed submission. An abuse case is brought up. Why was Kurt fixated on Taylor Shaw? Jane sulks and wonders about the proper context for Sandstorm. Jane has nicely styled eyebrows. There is no reconciliation just bad acting. NSA chick spies. Kurt hid Taylor Shaw’s body? WTF? Jane is a creature of the mob. I felt dismissive of this.

Best Lines:
“This is what your country thought you were worth.”

“I want him gone.”

“His shadow will follow you wherever you go.”

“Jane was the trap.”

“Feel alone. Together.”

“Magic phone.”

“The truth. What else is there?”

“Sorry I shot you.”

“Credible testimony.”

Star Trek Deep Space Nine (1993-1999) 5x06

Trials and Tribble-ations
The 30th anniversary of Trek was celebrated with this. It originally aired in the US on 4/11/96. Charlie Brill who starred in the ‘TOS’ ep ‘The Trouble With Tribbles’ returns to play the same character in this ep which feature scenes from that ep and ‘Mirror Mirror’. 2 Department of Temporal investigation agents, Dulmer and Lucsly, show up. There is oddly no mention of Sisko’s actions in the eps ‘Past Tense 1&2’.

The main characters do everything. There is no mention of Archer’s Enterprise as Kirk’s is described as the first. Dax is a Spock girl. K7 is described as an old deep space station. Darvin (Brill) never got his surgery to look human reversed. The old uniforms and hairdos do not flatter the DS9 gang except for Dax. This is a nostalgia fest. Women have HUGE hair.

The lighting, the clothes and the make up all look garish. The Klingons do not recognise Worf as one of their own. There are tribbles and Koloth lurks. Dax acts like a child. Bashir and O’Brien have idiot banter. Kirk wears the snot green wraparound top. Sisko wants to ask Kirk about fighting the Gorn. The Klingons wear their gaudy costumes and glued on beards. Scotty sparks a barfight. The original actors seem caked in fake tan. There is bad fight chorography. Kira sits this one out save for figuring out how to use the Orb Of Time off-screen.

How are the tribbles sticking to the walls? Darvin looks like Liberace and has a revenge plan. This was good. How did the DTI guys not notice the tribbles on DS9? Kira sits on her ass. Quark only has a cameo. Kirk likes to mash the buttons on his dais command chair with his fist. Dax revels that a previous host Emony slept with McCoy. There are unintended hints at the reboot movies and the eventual destruction of DS9 in the novels.

3D chess is played. The Enterprise had food processors. Kirk is showered in tribbles. Was this a homage to his toupee? Get out of the way man! If McCoy could ID young Darvin as a Klingon, how did he not know Gorkon’s anatomy in ‘Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country’? This was better than the horrible ‘Star Trek Voyager’ 30th anniversary ep ‘Flashback’.

Best Lines:
“It’s close, very close.”

“Kirk had quite the reputation as a ladies man.”

“In a final indignity.”

“And women wore less.”

“I’m afraid to touch anything.”

“Make pleasing sounds.”

“Another glorious chapter of Klingon history.”

“Which Enterprise?”

“This was the first Enterprise. Constitution class.”
“HIS ship.”
“James T. Kirk.”
“The one and only.”
“17 separate temporal violations. The biggest file on record.”
“The man was a menace.”

“Did you tell them?”

“Close that door.”

“History continued uninterrupted.”

“One of the most famous men in Starfleet history.”

“We do not discuss it with outsiders.”

“We could be living in an alternate timeline right now.”

“You are no hero to the Empire!”

“Nothing so mundane.”

“I had a feeling he’d become a doctor, he had the hands of a surgeon.”

Star Trek (1966 - 1969) 2x04

Mirror Mirror
Kirk, Uhura, Scotty and McCoy are on a landing party. Kirk shows off his bizarre diction and they end up in a mirror universe inside their counterpart’s gaudy uniforms. So much gold lame. Mirror Spock has a beard. Mirror Kyle shows up to overact. This ep spawned sequels in comics, books and episodes of ‘DS9’ and ‘Enterprise’. As this is season 2, DeForest Kelley has been added to the opening credits.

Mirror Spock isn’t that different. The ISS Enterprise serves the Terran Empire which is an objectively insane organisation. Dr McCoy is shocked into being polite and respectful. Uhura shows off her abs. Kirk is covered in gold lame. Why did McCoy spill acid in sickbay? McCoy changed position during the transporter sequence. Uhura is frightened, Kirk shows off his arms, Mirror Sulu is in red and is security chief. Kirk has to save the idiot hippie race on the planet below. Mirror Chekov tries to kill Kirk. A fistfight erupts. On the USS Enterprise, mirror Kirk’s self regard is exceeded only by his self delusion. We don’t get anything of mirror Scotty, Uhura or McCoy.

The computer has a male voice. Mirror Kirk killed mirror Pike. Scotty has horrible teeth. Mirror Kirk YELLS LOUDLY. Marlena is the captain’s woman and she babbles about mirror Kirk wanting to join the cabinet. The captain’s woman/concubine has adjoining quarters to the captain and has unknown privileges. There is bad acting. Kirk doesn’t rebuff Marlena. The mirror crew are a pack of butt crabs. Mirror Spock calls mirror McCoy sentimental and soft and threatens him. There are more fist fights.

This was a genre defining ep but not a mesmerising turn. When mirror Spock is injured, McCoy has that pesky Hippocratic Oath. Mirror Sulu is taken out by Kirk with a karate chop. Mirror Spock forces a mind meld on a deeply afraid McCoy which leaves him catatonic until he walks it off. That was never mentioned again. Just like McCoy’s 2nd forced mind meld in ‘Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan’. Mindrape, a forgotten concern! This was mediocre. Scotty calls Kirk, Jim, for the first and only time. Everyone goes back to where they belong.

Best Lines:
“But we won’t consider that.”

“Stardate: unknown.”

“They’ll think the storm blew the stand-by circuits.”

“Employ private henchmen.”

“I’m a doctor not an engineer.”

“Some kind of transposition has taken place.”

“I should regret your death.”

“The agony booth is a most effective means of discipline.”

“He gambled. I won.”

“Oiling my traps darling.”

“I can hunt fresh game.”

“If I have to go through every officer in the fleet.”
“You could.”

“He will succeed, apparently.”

“The Empire shall be overthrown of course.”

“It cannot endure.”
Tags: blindspot, quantico, star trek

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