epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: Cockneys Vs Zombies + All The Boys Love Mandy Lane + Playdate + Demontown

Cockneys Vs Zombies (2012)
Idiot builders break into a tomb and unleash zombies on the East End. Michelle Ryan and Richard Briers and Honor Blackman and a bunch of no names star. This was mediocre and was either edited or exists in more than one version. This was not a culturally nuanced look at unintelligent East End types fighting the living dead. The unruly narrative is modest intellectual stimulation. Dexter Fletcher has a cameo. Vital news reports are ignored and this was a hollow form of escapism. This was not incessantly eerie or exquisitely sleek. Ryan of ‘Bionic Woman’ and ‘Eastenders’ swears a lot and Breirs of ‘The Good Life’ outpaces a zombie with his walker. This was not realistic, humane or relevant. This took no interesting turns and asked no provocative questions. This failed to find satisfying direction. The ‘heroes’ are violent and non-resourceful. There is bad acting and while this is not as bad as ‘The Hallow’, ‘Unhallowed Ground’, ‘The Cutting Room’,Dread’ ‘The Veil’ or ‘The Harvesting’ it came close. A stolen double decker bus is driven around, there are lots of guns, geriatric jokes and a low low budget.

Best Lines:
“Come on you Nazi mugs, let’s f##king have it!”

“Don’t you talk English?”

“Lots of rats.”

“He’s eating a foot.”

All The Boys Love Mandy Lane (2008)
Everyone wants Amber Heard of ‘Hidden Palms’ and people do drugs and yell and die and this bored.

Playdate (2012)
A woman and her family are tormented by the new neighbours cos the new arrival is incapable of parenting her brats. This was not a serious proposition.

Demontown (2004)
Crap. Just 3 cut together eps of the 2002 show ‘Glory Days’.
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