epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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12 Monkeys 2x01-2x04 +The Flash 3x01 + Reign 3x10+HIM 1x02 + Scream Queens 2x03+Gotham 2x06 Reviewed

Year Of The Monkey
There is exposition and a recap by a very familiar voice from the original movie. There is a red forest and in 2016 Ramse runs around. This was not an eerie vision as jorts dude Cole does slo-mo strutting. Who is The Witness? There are guns, nice opening credits and why do the 12 Monkeys worship The Witness as their god? Why do the 12 Monkeys cult speak with such beatific contentment? Is Cassie’s boyfriend dead? Cole is still a momentous arse. The virus is an unedifying enterprise for the deeply traumatised, sad and demoralised Ramse. What are Ramse and Cole living and travelling on? In 2043; Cassie is in the future and everyone is whispering. Cassie is an arse and this was not straightforward.

Who are the Messengers? Deacon has a place at Project Splinter now. Why is everyone mumbling and so po-faced. Time travel goes awry. Katarina’s bluff is finally called. Some dude mutters and the Messengers travel. Deacon acts out and is sick. I’ve mystification as to what is going on. This was shambolic with thwarted potential. There is a revelatory moment, a betrayal and people have a proclivity for that. Ramse lies and then doesn’t.

Wasn’t Jennifer on a plane at the end of season 1? Why is she wandering the streets acting craycray? This was unprepossessing with no broad appeal. This was not ingeniously concise. Will Katarina Jones just DIE? Marcus looms and doesn’t do much. Cole gets a gun and then Cassie does some aggressive looming.

Best Lines:
“The time of the plague is upon us.”

“The plague is imminent.”

“We just don’t like you.”

“None of this was foreseen.”

“I’m waiting for it every night I go to sleep.”

“Our deal will be revoked, painfully.”

“We owe something to the people who make us better.”

“Is that a real thing?”

“Let him live, you create an enemy.”

“Invest in very deep holes.”

There are misguided intentions all round. Why does Cole act like Cassie queefs beer? Cassie in 2044 monologues and Deacon is part of the gang now. Cole gets his time travelling abilities back with a handwave. There is a montage and erroneous desires. Will Cassie SHUT UP? She and the gang burn the virus. Time changes. Cassie gets murderous. Ramse is back in 2044 and is not popular. Cassie won’t listen and has no intimidating aspect. The plague now starts in 2019.

Cassie mars everything, Cole has conscientious objections to her awfulness and Deacon bothers Ramse. Jennifer knows things. A weirdo lurks. This was hearty. Cassie and Deacon are friends. Jones suddenly has a boyfriend (Michael Hogan) who she does not know. Cassie is unbearable. Jennifer loves Cole and is wracked by doubt and unrest. Cassie has lost all sentimental trappings and is a physical manifestation of awfulness.

Jones whines and meets the Daughters. An older Jennifer is the mother of the Daughters. She has found her purpose. Ramse is menaced in the changed future. There are unlikely turns and everyone is emo and morose. Cassie and her traumatising violence sucks and why won’t she go back to 2016? This was okay.

Best Line:
“This is their reality, not ours.”

One Hundred Years
In 1944, the Messengers strike. In 2044: Deacon and Cole brawl. Nobody mentions Deacon’s illness. SHUT UP Cassie, she is the c word. A pretty necklace is seen. Cassie’s non 1944 clothes in 1944 draws attention. Cole wears a fedora, has stubble and can’t fit in. There is comedy. WTF is the Red Forest? There is death and a monkey drawing in 1944. Ramse meets his son. The awful Jones whines. Cassie is the c word. In 1944 there is a man who hears things like Jennifer. He paints things. There is no sheer dread. Cassie brings up Aaron. Since when did she ever care about him? Jones plans to have Ramse killed. Something weird happens. This was okay, Marcus does nothing.

Best Lines:
“Crawford lived decades before anyone understood the basics of RNA propagation.”

“The right name but the wrong man.”

“Pecker sob story.”

There is no glamorous intrigue. Jones has to ask Ramse for help. Nobody is worrying about the virus anymore. The Daughters lurk. Jones seems unsurprised that Jennifer leads the Daughters. The events of 1944 replay and Ramse is hit by a car. Jennifer has a purpose. Cassie has blank certainty and no melancholy. Ramse wears an ugly suit. The Messengers have ferocious belief and total commitment. This was captivating. Jones tantrums. This got a 3rd season. Yay. A man suspects the truth. Cole doesn’t need the approval of strangers. There is more myth-arc as the 12 Monkeys monstrous plan becomes clearer thanks to Jennifer. Doesn’t she run a company in 2016? This was okay,

Best Line:
What did you do now?”

“The Witness does not ask.”

“You’re trying to be right.”

“Yeah there’s that.”

“An infinite now.”

The oh so hyped Flashpoint storyline only lasts 1 episode. Barry is selfish and awful. Captain Singh is not around in the new timeline not that Barry cares. Barry keeps the Reverse Flash locked up. Why isn’t the original Wells alive? Barry is demotivated and ill-intentioned. Isn’t Reverse Flash stinky in that cell that seems to lack a toilet? Nora and Henry hang out. Serious consequences don’t matter to the largely detestable Barry. How little I care about him.

What is a ten-day RIP? Joe lies around drunk and hates the tiresome, piteous and shrill Barry. Reverse Flash is a raving maniac. Where is Eddie? Does anybody care? This is the absolute apex of Barry’s ill feeling and selfishness. Someone called The Rival is a speedster. Who is he? Wally West is Kid Flash and Barry is smug and condescending.

WTF is CCPN? STAR Labs is now Ramon Industries. Cisco is a dick billionaire. Barry is an arse and kidnaps Snow. Nobody but Snow has an issue with that. Barry and Iris are annoying on a Clark/Lana Lang level. Who is The Rival?  Kid Flash nearly dies. This is a cautionary tale. How is The Rival a speedster? Uncomfortable things happen. Barry has no concept of appreciable risk and is worthy of criticism. Why is Iris listening to Barry? He has no respect.

Why do Flash and Reverse Flash hate each other? Nora dies AGAIN. Barry is erroneous and Flashpoint ends. The timeline resets and Reverse Flash is alive and speeds off. Barry is responsible for all ills. Things aren’t the same and it is All About Iris. Rival is not the Rival now and has a wife and a voice in his head and somebody writes Alchemy on his mirror. Barry’s stalking of Iris is creepy. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I’d sound a little bit more grateful if I were you.”

“This isn’t your home.”

“A little late, again.”

“Your clothes don’t explode at mach 2.”

“My money needs us.”

“I was wondering when you’d notice.”

“Now who’s the villain Flash? Now who’s the villain?”

“I hate you.”
“And I hate you.”

“God I wish I could kill you.”

Bruises That Lie
Elizabeth wears pink lipstick and Lola is a snot. Nobody has courtiers. Mary has a bitter onslaught of stupidity and Greer interferes. Claude tantrums and this had no vibrancy. Narcisse tantrums. Shouldn’t the St Bartholomew’s Day Massacre have taken place by now? Lola bitches, oh shut up whore. Mary needs to SHUT HER MOUTH. Leith wants to marry Claude as if he could wed a daughter of France.

Mary is aggressive and objects to sense. Greer is pregnant. Mary is not shrewd. Claude marries for about 5 minutes. People are disingenuous. When will Mary meet her terrible fate? Nobody acts like it is the 16th century. Elizabeth miscarries and Lola is conspicuously reticent. Mary is self pitying and not devoted to building a good society. TPTB have done a definitive annihilation of interest. Claude shrugs off the chilling effect of marriage; no wife could act like her in the 16th century and get away with it.

There is disrespect all round. Mary screeches. Why won’t she go back to Scotland? Where is Margot? There are tired ideas. I wish Mary would go away and never come back. Greer’s sister shows up. There is bad wooden acting and this was pretty ridiculous. Greer’s overbite fills the screen. Elizabeth drinks tea? Oh come on. Mary is a hypocrite and this was mundane. Charles turns on Narcisse. Catherine becomes regent because she is evil.

Best Lines:
“No one informed or invited me.”

“I will not have you lurking around French court.”

“Beware of needy Queens asking for favours.”

“Sold off like a mule.”

“Titled men have such ridiculous pride.”

“You’ll go higher still.”

“I cannot forgive this.”

HIM 1x02
His stepmother isn’t dead, not that he cares. She is on to him. His father is an arse. His mother is useless. His stepsister fawns over him despise the photos of mass murder on his laptop. They nearly shag. His father has contemptuous exhaustion. It is phenomenally difficult to care. He is not sensitive or humane; he’s totally isolated cos he creates a constant cycle of harassment. The mother alienates her husband. I was uninterested. There is a cheesy family photo in the dad’s house which doesn’t include his firstborn son. Where is the father of the stepmother’s son? He feels excluded cos he is an arse. The father’s affair with the stepmother ended his marriage. He keeps attacking and now kills someone. If he would only stop being murdery. This was more ridiculous than ‘The Missing’ series 2.

Best Lines:
“Less confrontational ways.”

“That’s my boy!”

“It’s not your roof is it, cos my dad paid off the mortgage in the divorce so technically it’s his roof.”

Hester is mad. Chad annoys. There are big leaps in logic. Chanel 3 is sad. There is yet another John Stamos shower scene. Denise shows up. This makes no sense. This ep had some vague promise. Chanel almost gets want she wanted. Grace is the killer, I’m predicting it now. I feel some postive thoughts for this show now. Why didn’t the Green Meanie kill Zayday? In the final scene, a long time annoying character FINALLY gets got. So yay! This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Took a class in comparative wetlands.”

“Whore’s cut.”

“Just stretching for douchebags.”

“Does enjoy her petty torments.”

“Don’t toy with me sluts.”

“Their most suicidal orcas.”

“Moans you did.”

“Rad as hell.”

“Damp in the crack.”

By Fire
Gordon is ANGRY. Bridgit objects to pimps auctioning off hos and fries the pimps. Selina does unnecessary flips and snots and annoys. Theo does disproportionate things to be mayor. He isn’t the least bit magnanimous. Bruce bites Alfred. Bruce is wholly unconvincing as a proto-Batman. Ed stalks and kills Miss Kringle as his genteel tranquillity cracks. Ivy shows up. The Pike brothers bother Bridgit for the last time.

The dreadful Selina adheres to being annoying and useless. Characters make remarks highly characteristic of their future selves. Barbara lurks. Butch’s brainwashing may be broken. Bridgit changes her hair to show she is evil now. Silver lurks. Theo gets in good with Bruce. What is Indian Hill? Bridgit goes though the flames of transformation but not in a good way. This was good.

Best Lines:
“You do that.”

“Have some dignity.”

“I’ll conduct myself as I see fit.”

“Take the fascist youth.”

“Go make our supper.”

“I’m in good.”
Tags: 12 monkeys, flash, gotham, reign, review, scream queens
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