epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Dramarama (1983 - 1989) 1x07 + Reign 3x09 + Crazyhead 1x01+Scream Queens 2x02 + Gotham 2x05 Reviewed

The Keeper
A couple come to a deserted cottage to gather evidence of haunting. How is a house empty for 70 years habitable? Peter (Tim Woodward, son of Edward and brother of Peter) and his wife stand around in the gamekeeper’s cottage and blather about a suicide in the woods. The coupe have 70s perms and this was better than ‘The Stone Tape’. There is lots of talking and they play scrabble. There is a bland set and a glacial pace and hysteria and silly music. There is banging and the couple are self serving tools who can’t record the mysterious noise. They have belief perseverance and are scared and do eyebrow acting. WTF happened? This was okay with grave ramifications.

Best Lines:
“Wanted the house to die. Slowly.”

“You can’t have a lodging here.

“He’s got in!”

“All it wants is to be left alone.”

“Land should not be broken.”

“There is a keeper for the land. A keeper against trespass.”

“Who are you?”
“Who are you?”

Mary certainly makes trouble possible. She was sent to afflict people. Elizabeth strolls. Exposition is uttered. Mary has connivance and has developed perceptions about her own intelligence. She plans to marry her latest moronic partner Don Carlos aka Carlos, Prince Of Asturias (Mark Ghanime). Narcisse makes derisory comments. The geopolitical order is in flux. There was no real privacy in the 16th century. Mary shrieks and comes to unflattering conclusions while issuing bullying threats.

One can ruthlessly discard this world at the end as soon as the credits roll. Dudley has impregnated Elizabeth. There is no social acceptability for that. People have no ability to hide their disgust at Mary’s stupid demands and tantrums. William Cecil gurns. Claude gurns. Leith oversteps and there are sheepskin condoms available. Claude alludes to actual 16th century mores. Bash and Delphine bore, does anyone care what became of Kenna? This was made with a lack of intelligence and imagination.

Mary has an Irish wolfhound and it is HUGE. Greer prances. Mary idealises Francis. Don Carlos gets his wits back. Mary wears a black dress with a rose motif. Don Carlos wants the Scottish crown matrimonial. Catherine lurks. Greer recalls her husband. Claude visits a brothel. This show has begun its inevitable slide into stupidity. People and TPTB are impervious to sense. There is no warmth or calm. Amy is ‘dying’ and then she is ‘mad’. This was very ridiculous and wasn’t even a dark fantasy.

This was quite frankly useless. There is a spirit of animosity and evil intent by Amy. There is no sense in this. Where have the King’s Guards gone? Where are the pagans? Where is the King? Don Carlos’ mind is filled with evil. Amy becomes dangerous when desperate. Mary makes nobody feel welcome and has no concern, compassion or help. There is nothing to like here. This was baseless and lacks credibility. There were no asylums in the 16th century. Amy fakes her own murder. There is bad acting. Mary wears a red lace veil and I am absolutely fed up with this show.

France’s crippling military debts mean Claude has to marry. Claude is a moron. Narcisse is tired of her bimbo act and her butt-chin. Dudley and Elizabeth are torn apart. Mary is a bitch and there is foreshadowing. The real Don Carlos was mad due to inbreeding and was imprisoned by his father and died in 1568. Don Carlos’ father who appeared in 1x01 to marry Francis’ sister looks the same age as his son and Francis’ sister was his third wife!

Best Lines:
“Using the prince as your own personal bank.”

“Go on, deny it!”

“Condemned to a life of shame.”

“As a Scot, it’s hard for me to offer one.”

“Who’s going to help you?”

“You jezebel!”

“They may not welcome you back.”

“Our sex play.”

“That is sad.”

“What happens in France should benefit France.”

“Take her head. Just like her mother.”

“His mental state...”
“Is best kept quiet. Yes, I agree.”

“We must marry.”
“I am married.”

“Our child would be considered illegitimate.”
“As many consider me. And yet, I am Queen.”

“See this babe, not as a blessing, but as evidence of my ambition and your wickedness.”

Crazyhead (2016) 1x01
E4’s latest drama is rubbish, no surprise. But I had some hopes for this ‘Buffy’ knock-off. But sadly it is even worse than ‘Hex’. This has okay opening credits and women in evil clown masks menace a woman named Suzanne whom they claim is possessed. Suzanne is the pal of Amy who sees things and is menaced by aggressive bastard demons. People do the strangest things. Amy’s doctor knows something and is the big bad. This was worse than ‘Glue’ and was a massive letdown. Raquel does not have the nicest reputation and is regarded as human debris because she like Amy is a seer who can see demons.

Raquel deviates from accepted behaviour and faces the threat of being sectioned. This was not an intellectual or cultural attainment. My expectations were seriously curtailed by this sub-standard mess. Amy works in a bowling alley and is menaced. Raquel has a nice probably doomed brother. Amy has a man friend she ignores and the duo team up to exorcise Suzanne. I should have watched ‘The Missing’ instead; I’m done with this crap.

Best Lines:
“They don’t have haircuts in Thailand.”

“Woodpecker or amphetamines.”

“Drive round, bitch!”

“I’m going with no.”

“You’re a seer.”

Warts And All
Zayday wonders. Chad shows up to make this season even worse. Chanel 5 is pathetic. There was a hospital massacre in the 80s. There is bad acting and a gratuitous shower scene. This show is a scroll hole to hell and an unsuitable addition to the TV schedule. Colton Haynes of ‘Teen Wolf’ and ‘Arrow’ shows up. There is a sob story, colluding and specific criticism of the critics of the 1st season. This show makes no sense. C.U.R.E has a limited capacity to maintain a caring and safe environment. There is mocking and bullying of Chanel 5. Denise shows up again to repudiate logic. There is a grave response to everything. This was not even semi-cohesive. Hester is in the loony bin. There is an evil hand and a murder. This was desperate. I’d rather be watching ‘Quantico’. I’ll give this show one more episode to redeem itself and then it is gone.

Best Lines:
“The closest she’s gotten to sex is when a bookshelf fell on her.”

“Pick up my supplements.”

“Online redemption reputation.”

“This is what I learned at Quantico and by watching movies about Quantico. Oh and from the hit TV show ‘Quantico’ - now in its 2nd thrilling season.”

“Underneath the weave of a killer.”

“Trawling craigslist for an estate sale of old French whores.”

Penguin is unhappy. Theo and Tabitha are smug. There are guns, a dude blows up and Barnes sees it as his moral duty to bring down Penguin. Ed plans a double date. Theo has public trust, there is a mention of Fish and an abused girl finds her calling. Gordon is very confrontational. Ed’s sexual aggression annoys. An old woman gives back-story to the city by talking about how 200 years ago 5 families ruled Gotham high society. The Waynes ruined the Dumas clan. Now the Dumas clan are back under new names plotting the death of Bruce Wayne. Instantly Theo is my favourite character. Butch is ill used. This was not wholly unnecessary. Kittengirl pointedly ignores sense. There is death and Gordon can’t see through Thro and his blood feud yet. This was good and I want to see more of this mad plan.

Best Lines:
“Anybody who doesn’t want to get shot, raise your hands.”

“Hurt him more.”

“Go strike with your force.”

“We can’t leave, we’re already home.”

“Can we get a price check on brass knuckles?”

“Low friction mouth feel.”

“Your mother was a ho!”

“A lid for every pot.”

“Tell me about this knife or I will use it.”

“This knife has a cursed history.”

“Justice if that’s what it was.”

“Banished them socially.”

“The Waynes wiped the Dumas out of our city’s history.”

“To what did they change their name?”

“You’re in deep waters now Penguin.”

“Hardy har har.”

“It’s meant to be scary.”

“Will mourn him. But not now.”

“I cannot abide that.”

“The Day Of Redemption is at hand.”
Tags: 1980s horror anthologies, gotham, quantico, reign, review, scream queens

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