The Missing 2x01
I would rather watch this than ‘Monica The Medium’. A girl named Alice went missing in Germany in 2003 and in 2014 she came back. So far so ‘Thirteen’. David Morrissey and Keeley Hawes play her parents. Roger Allam plays someone her dad works with in the British army. There is a mention of the Oliver Hughes case. Baptiste the retired cop is going all mad mountain man. In the scenes set in 2016, everything has gone horribly wrong.
In 2016 Baptiste runs around Iraq looking for a soldier. Sam (Morrissey) has extensive burn scars and the wife has cut her hair and their son has turned into a skinhead crack user. What is modified assessment? What happened to Alice? Alice and a girl named Sophie were held in a basement for 10 years. This was very good but not without imperfections.
Baptiste and his wife are estranged in 2016 and Matty the crack sucking skinhead yells at a woman in a supermarket parking lot for no clear reason. Sam has a hard glitter in his eyes. Alice had a baby while in captivity, something she denies. Why are the military police investigating Alice’s case? Sam cheats on his wife with a female MP in 2016, the female MP seems to have lost the baby she was carrying in 2014. Nobody sounds sorry about anything. The final scenes reveal some shockers. WTF caused this toxic hell in 2016? Why are Sam and Matty so estranged? Why has Matty declined into criminal madness? What did Matty promise Alice?
There is no known evidence of anything. There are unattainable aspirations. What is the planned narrative? Baptiste is dying? People are deliciously resentful. Who is Daniel? Who was his father? Did they have someting to do with the vanishing girls? Roger Allam’s character is a Brigadier and the father of the female MP. Sam’s wife has a complete lack of personality. There is decay and furious ruin in 2016. Alice is disinclined to care in 2014. So much to ponder here.
“Where the hell has she been?”
“She came back.”
“Sole ambition in this world is to kill one another.”
“Drug dealers do not keep to a schedule.”
“That girl was not Alice Webster.”
Captain Barnes (Michael Chiklis of ’The Commish’ and ’Fantastic Four’) shows up to yell and fire people. Bullock isn’t fired. Theo is a local hero running for mayor. Theo bothers Penguin. Barbara lurks and makes out with Theo and Tabitha. Penguin’s mommy is in peril. The elemental components of this ep bore. Barnes and Gordon recruit cadets. It is hard to call this ep sophisticated or funny. It was just woefully inadequate. Alfred gives Selina a clear warning. Bruce is stupid. Edward bores. Theo has a ward named Silver. She is a Paris Hilton clone who attracts Bruce. Silver St Cloud was memorably killed off in the graphic novel ‘The Widening Gyre’. The Teamsters are still a thing in Gotham. Why is Miss Kringle making out with her stalker? This was as substantial as a milk tray advert. Penguin rants.
“Are you ashamed? I hope so!”
“You have no shame!”
“Wasn’t I just?”
“People from my neighbourhood don’t get scholarships. They join gangs.”
“I can see what you are.”
“Your own sordid empire.”
“Now I clocked Wayne Manor at exactly 6 and a half miles. It should take 90 minutes or 2 hours depending on how many times you stop of course.”
This was unforgivably dreadful. At a party in 1985, the staff of our Lady of Perpetual Suffering ignore a dying man and dump him in a swamp. The evil doctor (Jerry O’Connell of ‘Scream 2’ and ‘Sliders’) smugs along with a nurse. Now it is 2016 and the hospital is staffed by Kristie Alley, Taylor Lautner and John Stamos. Munsch owns the hospital which has been renamed C.U.R.E.
Munsch wants to reform health care. Denise shows up as an FBI agent. The Chanels have been exonerated and the crazy Hester arrested. There is no Grace thank god. Zayday shows up. This was stupid, superfluous and the low expectations weren’t low enough. This was not an unflinching exploration of the wilfully absurd. There was no sense of dread. There was BAD acting. The cute doctors are cute. A candystriper lurks. The cliffhanger ending of season 1 is ignored.
The Chanels are pariahs and disowned. They are hired by Munsch. Stamos does a gratuitous shower scene. This negates all interest. A nurse (Alley) snarks and looms. This fails to display an ability to perform. The Chanels bore. The Green Meanie and his ridiculous costume strikes. No to this. This was renewed? Again? HOW?
“Creepy disease chatroom.”
“Exonerated by an award winning Netflix documentary.”
“Guilty of being awful.”
“Her vagina teeth.”
“They gave me the actual honorary doctorate they stripped from Bill Cosby.”
“Side angle. Dim light.”
“Still dressing like sluts I see.”
“You rich dumb whore.”
“Disappeared into irrelevance.”
“Kill her, she’s awful!”
Mr Robot (2015 - ?) 1x01
A mumbling autistic man with no emotions is paranoid and sure of himself. Mr Robot (Christian Slater) lurks and yells, obviously being a figment of the ‘hero’s’ imagination. The vigilante hacker likes Angela. Gloria Reuben is his shrink and not a very effective one. This was all grey and depressing looking. The ‘hero’ has a Zayn Malik haircut and delusions. What is E Corp that he hates on? He has minimal grasp of empathy, wit, language and civil discourse. He’s a junkie into technobabble. My interest is sparse to non-existent. WTF is going on? Do I care? No.
“Dating losers on eharmony ever since.”
“Must I really justify myself any further?”
“An arrogant moron.”
“Done here and only here.”
Some Like it Hoth
Miles is sarcastic. The disgusting Radzinsky lurks. We know that he’ll end up killing himself down in the hatch. Punk Miles is seen in flashback as is an obvious wig. Who is Bram? The construction of the hatch that downed Flight 815 is shown. Hurley is writing his own version of ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ - isn’t that film already out in 1977? No.
“The ditch had a gun?”
Daniel lurks. Another bad wig is worn. Lil Charlotte is seen. Widmore and Eloise are Daniel’s parents. She doesn’t want to go back to the island. But he does. Why? Daniel is a tool and menaces Richard with a gun. This had no ominous portent or vaguely chilly menace. This was not an enduring delight. Daniel provoked the climactic act of violence. Richard charms but barely. Jeremy Davis is a terrible actor and I’m glad Daniel died.
Follow The Leader
Sayid, Sun and Jin sailed by the foot which is Jacob’s home back in season 2. If only they had investigated further. Younger Widmore and a fake boar show up. Have they forgotten that compasses don’t work on the island? The Dharma lot built the barracks over the bomb? Didn’t they notice? Fake Locke annoys. Season 5 and 6 were all for nothing. Radzinsky and Phil base their leadership on who is holding the biggest gun. Horace is useless. Sayid shows up. Will people stop shooting each other? This was okay. Richard is all wet. He and Ben glare at fake Locke. There is awful submarine CGI. The others and their endless flaming torches prowl. Calm and collected Richard advises the leader and answers to Jacob which makes sense as he was the 1st other.
“This man walked into camp, put a gun to my head. Eloise reacted.”
“Why the Dharma Initiative seems to have declared war on us?”
“You have my word I will believe you.”
“You and I were sitting on a log.”
“It clearly hasn’t told you where Jacob is or you wouldn’t need Richard to show you.”
“I’m not wrong Kate.”
“His name is Richard Alpert. He’s a kind of advisor. And he has had that job for a very, very long time.”
The Incident 1&2
Jacob and some guy (Titus Welliver) hang out. Lil Kate does not defer negative attention. Sawyer flirts with sunburnt Kate in front of Juliet who stews with her frozen face. Jack’s over complicated plan fails. Sun does nothing. The Dharma lot were morons. Ilana and her gang of idiots have absolute certainty. They were nothing and a waste of time. Locke was a loser. This show caused public confusion. Did the Dharma lot not know about the tunnels under the island? Sayid is shot. Rose and Bernard lurk. Nobody found them since they hid? What was with the cabin and the ash? I’m sick of visions of Christian. Sawyer and Jack beat each other up. What were they trying to accomplish? It all goes awry. Ben kills Jacob. Juliet falls down a hole. Juliet hits a bomb with a rock. This was perilously close to parody. Sometimes I feel passionate hatred for this show and its messy mythology.
“I said he was the leader. A title that I’ve discovered is incredibly temporary.”
“I’m protecting our leader.”