epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

National Treasure (2016) 1x01 + Reign 3x05 + Containment 1x11 Reviewed

National Treasure (2016) 1x01
Robbie Coltrane, Julia Walters and Tim McInnerny star in this 4 part Channel 4 drama. Paul Finchley (Coltrane) is half of a beloved UK comedy double act. He is jealous of his co-star Karl (McInnerny) and eyeballs a PA. A taxi-driver asks him to do his catch-phrase. Paul is married for over 40 years to his long suffering wife (Walters). Alan Carr has a cameo as himself. Paul is mothered by his wife and feeds off his reputation. WTF are those things on his kitchen wall?

Paul’s two grandchildren are unimpressed with him. Then the police show up to arrest him for a historical sex claim. There is a pungent focus and the doubt ratchets up. There is no natural exuberance. Paul rants about being compared to Jimmy Saville and faces a dark reinterpretation of his life. He’s not cool, detached or stoic. The negatives take hold. There is a lot of blue light and unflattering camera angles. Karl lurks. Are the duo just harmless old sexist relics from the 70s and 80s?

Paul recalls their beloved TV show but now he just looks like a gone to seed Gerard Depardieu. The arrest is all over the papers. Paul is mortified and exploding with distress. His solicitor swears a lot. Is Paul an innocent man caught up in a scary scenario? He doesn’t act like someone of unblemished reputation when he visits a hooker. His annoying drug addled daughter yaps and is terminally annoying.

Paul is not calm or disarming. The daughter may be masking anxiety, but her anarchic sensibility annoys. Paul had a daytime show which he is kicked off. Things get worse for him. This was so very dull.

Best Lines:
“Bad woman.”

“Nobody wants to be the first to stop clapping the old guard.”

“Arrange alternative care.”

“Everybody knew he was dodgy.”

“Save the bluster.”

“Who watches porn on their phone?”

“The times you came home smelling of whichever woman and I’d understand. Well this is not one of those times.”

“All stones are hard Paul. They’re stones.”

“Nobody must ever know what happened here.”

“Not to let you in the next time you came.”

“I’m sorry.”
About which bit?”

In A Clearing
Mary prays, recalling that she is a catholic and that France is currently riven with the wars of religion. Mary doesn’t care her mother is dead as long as she has her penis du jour Francis. Delphine and Bash’s side plot has a constancy of boredom. Mary appoints Moray as her regent in Scotland. Mary’s series length story arc is her stupidity. Elizabeth sends a peace treaty. Mary is obsessed with the English throne. I don’t think Kenna is coming back. Francis is not decent. Mary doesn’t care about Scotland.

Bash gets into a metal bathtub while Delphine babbles in Irish or something. Francis is worryingly stupid. This was not conducive to enjoyment. Bash fawns over Delphine. Where are the King’s guards? Threat actors show up. Francis finally dies for real this time. There is snot and nostril flaring. Mary doesn’t have the 40 days of seclusion and seemingly plans to walk to Paris.

Mary has 2 more husbands to go as she is incapable of solitariness. She was the death of all three of her husbands. Nostradamus lurks and his vision from 1x01 has at last come to pass. Nostradamus and his pelt wander off. Mary hurls accusations and tears and screeching and throws the peace treaty in the fire like the selfish stupid tool she is.

The Queens of France wore white as mourning. Mary treated Bash badly and her ill-judgement goes on. Narcisse and Lola lurk. Mary cast blame wrongly and won’t apologise. A lot of jet jewellery shows up. What did Francis die of? Done falling down? This was inept.

Best Lines:
“Give up my birthright?”

“I am the direct descendant of Henry VII - I have a legitimate claim to the English throne.”

“Think twice before trading it.”

“I don’t care for that word.”

“I am no longer the Queen of France.”

“I have another fate. Predicted long ago.”

“Long ago he chose to love you.”

Nothing Gold Can Stay
Day 16 and Lommers blames everything on Cannerts, she is a stranger to mercy. Tension is in the air. Jake pines pathetically over Katie the decrepit dying old witch who will not just stroke out and die. Lex has no verifiable grounds to be smug. Lommers is deeply sinister. Assumptions are made. In summation, things are bad. Leo Greene refuses to comply.

Lex does not adequately listen. Lommers has a contented smile. Cannerts broods and has a very uneasy feeling. Katie’s kid emotes like a 2nd rate Oscar Wilde. Cannerts has been besmirched. This was boring. Welfare losers Bert and wheelchair woman bore. Jana gets an offer. Lex is tumultuous. Katie is the c word even on her deathbed. Just DIE bitch. I’ve no imperative to care about her and her disdainful looks. Leo Greene vanishes. Katie plays the saintly invalid and finally finally dies. This was ridiculous and Katie was the Riley Finn of this show.

Best Lines:
“Leo Greene is about as popular as you.”

“The rest won’t be pretty.”

“Threw the only doctor with the hope of finding a cure under a triple decker bus!”

“I didn’t think anyone liked you.”

“Ain’t no pride in any of that.”
Tags: containment, reign, review

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