epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Reign 3x03 + Containment 1x09 Reviewed

Extreme Measures
Charles who everyone treats as a holy innocent will carry out the St Bartholomew’s day massacre. There were no infirmaries and nurses in that day and age. Mary shrieks and does wistful gazes and apportions blame. She is in full wrathful mode. She is shallow, boring and whiny and is insufferable. The King of Navarre shows up. Claude whines. Mary has no unifying tone as she rants about blood and honour. She has nobody to protect her from her excesses. A servant is shocked at being treated like a servant.

Mary is a bitch. Narcisse plots. Dopey Charles has a bimbo visitor. This ep was lesser than it could have been. Francis insults Lola. Various ill-assorted plots go on. The great responsibility of ruling rests on these twits? Mary and Francis are overly romantic. Charles and the bimbo do opium and she overdoes. Charles has not the mental strength to cope. Narcisse knows stomach pumping. There is bad acting and this once delightful show now sucks. There was no quality here just stupid love plots.

Catherine has grave differences. Francis war mongers. Lola and Narcisse marry. Mary considers marrying Don Carlos. Lola sports an anachronistic wedding dress. Bash’s side plot of inexplicable boredom goes on. Catherine gets out of the dungeon. Oh Mary, you done goofed. Catherine is insufficiently contrite. This was a staring void of an ep.

Best Lines:
“Your union with Francis has been ill-fated.”

“I will not live in fear of her.”

“I come in peace.”

“She manages tragedy with ruthless clarity.”

“Non-aggressive ring.”

A Kingdom Divided Against Itself
Lex and Toxic Barbie are in peril. The stupid child yaps. Katie and Jake think Cannerts is misrepresenting and that he isn’t benevolent. People mumble. Lex rants about a conspiracy with no flashing steeliness. More annoying kids annoy. Leo Greene has a grave misplacement of priorities. Pregnant teen is stupid and a riot kicks off. Jake and Katie the world’s most boring people have the world’s most boring date.

Leo Greene knows someone in the NSA. This ep bored with a fervent passion. Jana bores. Leo Greene is not able to rationally explain why someone would do this or why. The National Guard storm the cordon. What happened to the infiltrator? Lex and Toxic Barbie aren’t trapped in a military grade panic room. Why is everyone so stupid? Pregnant teen has fallen and can’t get up. People scream and a broom is waved. The National Guard retreat and are maybe all infected now.

Katie is the biggest moron alive and takes the world’s stupidest shower. Gravitas is not assigned. This was not thought-provoking, intelligent or fun. There is no conspiracy, by Cannerts at least. This was terrible, curiously unaffecting, aimless and floundering.

Best Lines:
“A breach cannot happen.”

“Like sick sick?”

“His compassion that killed him.”
Tags: containment, reign

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