epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: My Soul To Take + 10 others

My Soul To Take (2010)
This was re-shot and released in 3D and it was still utter incomprehensible crap. I’m only watching this cause Raul Esparza of ‘Hannibal’ and ‘Law &Order: SVU’ is in it. The Riverton Ripper stabs people with a knife engraved with the word vengeance for never explained reasons. Abel (the bisexual Esparza) is crazy so that is why he is a serial killer. His wife wears an obviously fake pregnancy belly. This was not melodic.

One watches this with increasingly credulity at the obnoxiously contrived incoherent mess. An entirely useless shrink pops up and this is not steely sinister or utterly gripping. It also has no assaualtive power. Esparza overacts to pantomime ridiculousness. A cop has no mercy in his soul. This has no narrative structure and there are 7 births in one night.

16 years pass and people fire off quips in a life or death situation. Fantastical assertions are made and people have an unnatural aversion to sense. This was deservedly criticised. So it is now 2010 and so the prologue took place in 1994? The town has a Ripper Day - how bad and curious. The hero’s name is Bug? BUG?!? This had no fetid atmosphere or forgivable flaws. A stupid urban legend has grown up around the Ripper whose body was never found. Aggro-laden teens with no raw directness whine and utter incomprehensible dialogue. There is no brutal anger or carefully thought through plot. This was not even weirdly potent. It was also not a nifty inversion of the slasher genre.

The female characters are relentlessly coded as sex things. Bug seems to be a dim twit who is having a peculiar crisis of masculinity. The film seems to unfold in complete darkness. The crashed ambulance that the Ripper presumably died in, is STILL there after 16 years. It is inexplicably odd how crap this is. This was not oddly fascinating. There is babbling about condors. Craven devalued his brand some more with this crap.

This has the mandatory features of a non-motivated maniac on the loose, snot nosed kids, an evil stepfather and a serial killer’s rampage used as brag fodder. WTF are the teens talking about? Nobody has a degree of trepidation. Bug has a really out-dated flip phone. This rips all the fun out of the under-developed concept. This has bad acting by the self-infantilising teens. The serial killer who is striking in the ‘present’ is not seen as hideously tragic.

Bad girl Fang runs a mafia like gang at the school. I have no idea what they are talking about. I feel incomprehension at the script. There are no snappy performances. Everyone swears and every teen seems to have suppressed psychopathic rage. The narrative has no electric pace. There is a bizarre show and tell about condors that involves projectile vomiting.

The school is full of fear, bullying, ostracisation and dark and twisted things. Nobody cares. Bug has weird visions and there is no pungent sense of place. This half-arsed ‘horror’ isn’t scary at all. Mean girl Fang aka Leah is into the anatomy of intimidation and menacing communications. All the teens have hatred in their hearts. Bug has odd behaviour for no clear reasons and is subjected to puzzled uneasy glances. The inarticulate teens get murdered and finally people notice. Fang and Bug have an unexpected connection and a poisonous destiny. Bug’s coldly benevolent mother tells lies. This was miserably awful and has no over abundance of twists and turns.

Why are certain assumptions made? There is no relatable interaction. It is obvious who Bug’s father is. The whole plot and ending makes no sense. Who is the machinating murderous killer? Oh who cares? There is no prickly pathos or melancholic edge. The entirely featureless cast talk past each other unconvincingly whilst staring hauntedly into the middle distance. This hellish preposterousness is a disgrace to civilised humanity. This was not intense or sinister just full of righteous ranting.

Best Lines:
“Shameless distraction device.”

“Break the door down.”

“Fix that.”

“Under constraint.”

“He’s dead.”
“So’s Elvis. You never know.”

“Way dead.”

“The bird will vomit copiously on its tormentor!”

“We could burn the house down with my stepfather in it.”

“Your sins are already a stench in the nostrils of an angry God. Like knocking up Melanie Pratt, who’s only 15 and the principle’s daughter.”

“He’s coming.”
“Jesus?”
“We should be so lucky.”

“The sophomores have paid another year’s protection for their bikes.”

“The Unabomber’s evil twin.”

“Please don’t get me arrested.”

“Think hotter.”
“Miami?”
“TRY HELL!”

“Unlock the door for daddy.”

~
Liar Liar (1993)
This TV movie sees a girl accuse her father (Art Hindle) of abuse. Nobody believes her, until the truth comes out. This was okay and sees cherished beliefs done away with and how some people think women should be sex and domestic toys as the logical extreme belief.

~
Child Of Rage (1992)
Mel Harris stars in this TV movie about a couple who adopt two children. One of whom is violent. They try therapy. This was dull and leaves one completely mortified.

~
A Murderous Affair: The Carolyn Warmus Story (1992)
A dull true crime TV movie about a murder that made as much noise in the media as possible and now it and she are forgotten.

~
Just Ask My Children (2001)
A couple are falsely convicted of horrible crimes and go to jail for years. No, this is a tale of people who were watched, judged and ridiculed by lies.

~
A Mother’s Right: The Elizabeth Morgan Story (1992)
Bonnie Bedelia and Terence Knox star in this tale of a custody case and accusations. This does not spark a strong reaction.

~
In The Line Of Duty: Blaze Of Glory (1997)
Lori Loughlin and Bruce Campbell rob banks! Okay if the inevitable arrest and final capitulation leaves you in ignorance and awe of what just happened.

~
Al Capone (1959)
Rod Steiger stars in this bad tale of the gangster whose personhood was unassailable.

Best Lines:
“Anything that Al Capone does he does straight.”

“You gonna pay for it?”
“No.”
“Then shut up.”

~
Calamity Jane (1953)
No

~
That’s Carry On (1978)
Okay.

~
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets (2002)
Dull, unconvincing and gives no incentive to care.
Tags: hannibal, movie review
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