epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Tuff Turf + Tammy + 2 others

Tuff Turf (1985)
This is a bizarre 80s movie full of synth heavy overly processed music and bad hair. Still at least it is not ‘Gleaming The Cube’. James Spader of ‘The Blacklist’, Kim Richards, Robert Downey Jr and Catya Sassoon star. Spader rides his bicycle around seedy unapologetically filthy LA streets while being a smug idiot. He goes to a new tough high school and befriends RDJ. Decades before ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ and there they are. Spader wants to look cool, stare creepily and impress girls. Spader messes with a gang.

The gang leader’s girlfriend has ass length blonde crimped hair and wears a hair band on her forehead. Spader harasses her to show he likes her. Spader and the gang bangers all go to high school together, despite the fact they all look 27. Spader lives with his parents in a cockroach filled house. They used to be rich but aren’t now. Nobody has a moral core, everyone is cheerfully immoral and Spader’s menacing image prevents him from being taken as a hero. His dad works as a cab driver and everyone dresses with an astonishing lack of good taste.

This has no brooding ambience. The gang and the old lady and her girl gang prance around dressing like crack whores. Every teen in this movie acts like a homicidal sociopath. The gang leader and his pals wear belly shirts and billowing unbuttoned shirts to school. This is cheesy and looks like a music video.

This unexceptional film has its detractors and they are right. Spader gets shamed by the achingly awful bangers. They trash his bike in slow motion. This is not epochal. There are ominous parting words. Spader’s mother has no radiant silence and this plot is improbable. A cut price David Bowie plays and RDJ plays drums shirtless. Spader forces the old lady and her excessive blusher to line dance with him. One is so repelled by this non-joyous twisted mess. This had no moral dimension. Everyone is an expendable plot accessory. This is a witless totem to endless tortuous shrieking, pointing and grunting.

Best Lines:
“Positively reinforce all his old bad habits.”

“No drinking on the campus.”

“His ass is grass.”

“That’s no concern of mine at this point.”

“Romantic pageantry remains.”

“Porno shops? I’ll be there.”

“You guys are bad.”

“No one has insurance around here.”

Tammy (2014)
There is loudness and bad wigs. Kyle Chandler is chased by Melissa McCarthy who is on a road trip with her vile grandmother. There is swearing and no comedy and really McCarthy isn’t funny.

Best Lines:
“I could smell it from the parking lot.”

“You put on man perfume.”

“Nobody should die in a lawn chair.”

Pirates Of The Caribbean (2003)

Chopping Mall (1986)
Tags: movie review, the blacklist

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