epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

8 TV Reviews

War & Peace (1972) 1x18&1x19

The Retreat
This has no timeless clarity. Napoleon and his wistfulness and stands with his legs shoulder width apart. He has to retreat from Moscow. There are long awkward silences and no lively satisfaction. There is overacting and Pierre cleaves nobly to his earnest infatuation with his own self-importance. There is snow and no social amenities. There is derision from the French who are spectacularly aggressive. This ep is made entirely of stares. Pierre sees the salty little details of the aftermath of war. There is no moral strength. Stupid Petya is at war. There is no wonder, wisdom or joy. There is no splendid storytelling just 1970s perms and lisping. There is no majestic life. Petya dies and this was not wry and had no intrigue. It was boring and not witty or epic.

Best Lines:
“You imagine plots.”
“It’s happened before.”

“Dubious faith of the Austrians.”

“Yesterday he could have been one of us.”

“There must be 20,000 bodies in these fields.”

“He’s a bit of an idiot.”

“There’ll be fire enough where you’re going.”

“This is already too much.”

The Road To Life
Daft Natasha and Maria are gloomy as a crypt. Natasha’s mother learns about Petya’s death and goes hysterical. Pierre has had a shave and returns home. He seems to have been through a medispa. Pierre has a cousin apparently. Helena is dead of a botched abortion. Pierre is forthright, war has been an enduring experience and Boris is still on the go. Maria and her wedding cake hairdo is visited by Pierre who shrugs off Andrei’s death.

There are selfish plots and godlessness. This was codswallop. Natasha has ingrained idiocy and is not noble, benevolent and honest. Her vile presence pollutes the screen. Pierre is nasty and smug. The Tsar is thankless to his general. This was dull. The Tsar is immutable. The aristos dance. There is a terrifying threat to harmony. The general is derided and silenced and declared persona non grata.

Best Line:
“Perhaps you shouldn’t tell me.”

“Why should he will such a thing?”

“A certain displeasure we feel.”

“Arriving of its own accord.”

Unforgotten 1x03
Elizabeth confesses her NF past to her shocked husband. The vicar lies. Phillip Cross the East End Gangster turned Lord says the dead man knew the crime family and worked for them. There is fallout and revelations. The Lord was an enforcer. Who is the mysterious JoJo? Nobody listens to the old woman with dementia. Elizabeth is lying about the extent of her involvement in the NF. Someone sells a story about Cross’ past. Old gangsters resurface wanting words with Cross as his life collapses. The old woman with dementia seems to have been battered by her not so nice husband. No.

Best Lines:
“What I needed to, to earn my way out of a house with no running water.”

“When you were an East End gangster.”

“Violent debt collector.”

“They see you as toxic.”

Houdini & Doyle (2016) 1x04&1x05

Spring-Heel’d Jack
Historical anachronisms abound as a dark demon bounds around London. This was uncompellingly obnoxious.

The Curse Of Zorzha
A psychic and kidnapped children feature in this terrible ep. The female police officer is a joke; there were no female police officers in Victorian London. Houdini is a toxic jackass. This is ridiculous.

Versailles 1x03
Louis and his idling life bores. This was not expressive and rich. Louis spits divisive angry rhetoric. A Rohan shows up. The nobles have collusion. The musketeers stand around. This is not an attractive tragedy. There is an anachronistic painting. Louis has a verbal tirade against the Queen. Unmentionable things happen. Louis wants wars and has belief-specific behaviour. Phillip’s lover and wife stare at each other. There is yelling and creepy sexual initiation. Louis has no sense and a noble reduced to eating rats in the woods is knocked off. A massacre in the woods takes place. Who is the unwanted baby’s father?

Best Lines:
“The lands of Africa are a locked room.”

“How generous of you to assure my place.”

“The King’s road is sacrosanct!”

“We saw how well that went for the English.”

The Streets Of San Francisco (1972-1977) 4x05&5x20

School Of Fear
A veteran former teacher kidnaps four troublesome students and holds them in an abandoned school. They’re chained to desks and forced to learn. Naturally the cold unworthy female student and her blustery histrionics ruins everything. Good.

Dead Lift
Arnold Schwarzenegger makes his TV acting debut as a champion bodybuilder (which he was at the time). He is hypersensitive to criticism and becomes enraged and kills people who belittle him. Karl Malden and Michael Douglas save the day. The 1992 reunion movie was terrible, like this ep.
Tags: review, scary 1970s tv

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