epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

Movie Reviews: Jagged Edge + Grown Ups 2 + Varsity Blues

Jagged Edge (1985)
A man (Jeff Bridges) may have murdered two women, his lawyer (Glenn Close) defends him and is compromised by boffing him. This has twists, stare-offs, gloom, low whispers, 80s hair and yelling. This was not exquisitely observed or absolutely original. This was not downright irresistible but has a commitment to its own bizarre internal logic. The ending has no visceral power, the plot is frustratingly slow and this has no power, velocity or subtlety.

The performances are not ferociously good. There is no angel-faced psychopathy. This was not transfixing and had no relentless drive. This was not fresh or revitalising and had no energy just superficiality and cliché. It was not seeped in atmosphere. There was treadworn characterisation of sweat-leaking people. The loon-eyed killer is obvious and he does anodyne iniquities to various objects of his wrath.

Career damage is caused to hardworking and sincere people. This was palpably over the top and the defence lawyer is deeply emotional and prejudiced. She’s full of sentimental moralising and TPTB ran out of characterisation inspiration there. This was not emotion saturated, but it was full of indignation, blithering idiots, superficial idiocy and suffocating smugness. Nobody was charming, charismatic or endearing. This has absurd notions, the lawyer is ideologically fixated, there is really bad acting and blatant disregard for logic.

Best Line:
“You have no place here.”

~
Grown Ups 2 (2013)
This Adam Sandler ‘comedy’ was sexist crap that had male car washes, Steve Austin, losers, annoying kids, more sexism and no jokes. This was on par with that annoying Urkel kid.

Best Lines:
“Want me to come in and feed it to you?”

“What was it? Me naked?”

“The 80s? That was 70 years ago!”

“I don’t see any of these conversations working out for me.”

~
Varsity Blues (1999)
James Van Der Beek, Paul Walker, Jon Voight and Ali Larter star in this cliché storm sports movie. The smart footballer and his purple headed yogurt slinger bores. The slutty cheerleader sluts and this bored.
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