epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

American Horror Story Coven 3x05-3x07 + Legends 2x06 Reviewed

Burn, Witch, Burn!
LaLaurie has smooth nastiness and her three daughters failed in their plot against her. Her husband was a doormat and she was awful to everyone. The witches form a friendship group as zombies attack. Fiona thinks she has an entitlement to happiness. Cordelia is terribly injured. This episode was less potent and was full of BAD acting.

Zoë decides to lead. Emotions are pointless as nobody is paying attention. Fiona has no moral strength or purpose. Marie unleashes forces; she’s all cruelty and paranoia. This has no gruesome edginess. Fiona has an abyss of melancholy. LaLaurie tries to preach deep unbreakable devotion to her zombie daughter. No-one has moral exactitude. This was simply awful. Also Myrtle Snow is targeted and executed.

Best Lines:
“She had to be stopped!”
“Is that a confession?”

“I’ll do more than hurt you!”

The Axeman Cometh
In 1919, the witches took on the axeman serial killer (Danny Huston). Zoë finds a Ouija board. Fiona is sick and terribly afraid. This ep had no absolute weirdness or tender moments. Fiona’s monstrous selfishness is appallingly misguided and perpetually unstable. Things happen that eschew explanation.

Zoë has doom-laden exasperation. Cordelia is back and has second sight. Tongue-deadening dialogue is uttered. The gang do freak pointing at Spalding. Kyle wanders and Misty lurks. Kyle has a cause of unease. There are no richer storylines. Kyle is properly dangerous. Zoë is a user. Hank is revealed as a witch hunter working for Marie. Madison is resurrected. Everyone is an awful person. Hank has been murdering witches for Marie for 6 years. Cordelia is in her underwear and is menaced by the axeman. Zoë is thankless and this was not a deliciously controlled drama.

Best Lines:
“Think of me as a most horrible murderer. Which I am.”

“His mom keeps slamming the door on me.”

“Fiona’s not here to help you now, Riff-Raff.”

“Bringing us all to ruin.”

“I look like the Taliban to you?”


“There’s something foul in this house.”

“There’s nothing on the other side. Just black, forever.”

“I told him I would, I lied.”

The Dead
TPTB are obsessed with Kyle who serves no purpose. Madison is not entirely different. Kyle howls. Queenie and LaLaurie bond. Hank is volatile. Fiona and the axeman shag. Marie is a hypocrite. Fiona is not just absent, she’s a bad influence. This was not heightened, bright or colourful. Zoë is a snot. Nobody has genuine respect for anyone. Cordelia has no indecision: Fiona has to go. Kyle and Madison shag, she’s stubbornly conformist to being awful.

This was inaccessible and entertainment is a surprising oversight. This has no refreshing candour. There is no plot progression. There are flashbacks to little Fiona being perved over by the axeman’s ghost. These are all terrible people. Not even Danny Huston can save this mess. Spalding talks and he is the 10th generation of his family to serve the coven. Zoë kills him. This was not productive. Queenie asks a question of LaLaurie and learns of more terrible things she has done. LaLaurie doesn’t want to be redeemed anymore. Zoë, Madison and Kyle have a three-way.

Best Lines:
“I didn’t know you were Irish...you can’t drink or fight.”

“All the boys I loved who wouldn’t love me back.”

“This eternal silence inside of me.”

“Being a backdoor man.”

“Our great-great-grandpas couldn’t run fast enough.”

“Power like yours does not go unnoticed.”

“Locked in an airless closet for eternity.”

The Legend Of Tamir Zakayev
Kate is sent undercover. Flashbacks show Martin going to the University of Leeds. Curtis is dead. This bored.

Best Line:
“Shame on your mother for teaching you nothing of our traditions."
Tags: coven, legends

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