epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The Flash 2x22 + Blindspot 1x21 + American Horror Story: Coven 3x03&3x04 + Rewind (2013) Reviewed

The metahumans attack. Iris bores. Barry is cocky and is all ‘Rocky III’. Black Siren (Katie Cassidy) shows up to attack. Cisco vibes. Tina McGee (Amanda Pays) knows who the Flash is. Joe nags Wally; he has no culture of appreciation. With sickening inevitability, Jesse is a useless whiner full of youthful pretension. Snow has obsessive anxiety that no-one cares about. Season 2 has had many failures and grave omissions. Barry thinks he has impunity and is divisive.

Zoom is dangerously out of control. Snow has a predilection to whine. Barry sows the seeds of his own downfall and is painfully dismissive of sense. Snow claims they loved Laurel, WTF? Cisco and snow pretend to be their Earth 2 doubles by doing stupid voices. Cisco gets more powers. Harry passes out. This was okay. Zoom kills Henry setting up his final rout with Barry.

Best Lines:
“Blackest of nights.”

“We’re paid to be perceptive.”

“Crash-survivable memory unit.”

“I’ll be busy winning.”

“Again - how?”

“Poor Black Canary. Bye bye birdie.”

“You should look more afraid.”

“What are you up to?”
“No good.”

“Enjoy being dead.”

“It’s not even Laurel.”

Of Whose Uneasy Route
Mayfair doesn’t have complete plausibility. Kurt and Sarah continue their boring family drama. A bitter evisceration of sense takes place. The FBI building goes on lockdown due to a hack. Kurt does a dramatic window break. Who is the annoying elevator woman talking to Sarah and Reade? There are overreactions and misunderstandings. Tasha is angry.

Jane and Kurt fiddle in the evidence room and won’t that cause problems? The hacker has absolute confidence in himself. Why do TV elevators always have escape hatches in the roof? Mayfair’s ex is part of Jane’s gang apparently. Sarah’s moving away. Mayfair is arrested. The US Attorney is a mouth-breather. This was okay. Jane’s gang have framed Mayfair. Carter’s body has been found and after many eps of set-up, a huge frame up ensnares Mayfair to Jane's shock.

Best Lines:
“There is not a lawyer in the land who can get you out of this.”

“Shelter in place.”

“In a chemical attack. That’s a good thing.”

“Beast child.”

“SOMETHING is going on here.”

“Not calm! Not calm! Not calm!”

The Replacements
The evil glamour of this show has an addictive quality. Madison is Lindsey Lohan with magic powers. This isn’t exactly ‘Switch!’. There are flashbacks to 1971 and a young Fiona and how she became the supreme by killing her Eva Gabor looking predecessor. As the replacement supreme grows, the old supreme sickens. Kyle’s mother (Mare Winningham) grieves and Fiona has a not so secret envy. The girls admire the hot boy next door to the horror of his mother (Patti LuPone).

LaLaurie has a horrified reaction to Obama and is made a maid. LaLaurie has intransigence and is all unrestrained awfulness. Misty wants a friend, Zoë is not wholly reliable and people have bad intentions. The cute boy next door is named Luke. Cordelia learns she is barren. Fiona suspects Madison is the next supreme and decides to do some interfering with an expected inheritance. Marie laughs in Cordelia’s face. Kyle’s creepy mother creeps. Kyle gets murderous. Queenie humps the Minotaur. Fiona gets rid of the competition. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Don’t test my wrath.”

“I’ve seen the ruin you will bring to this coven.”

“Where’s your modesty?”


“What do you expect to get with that dress?”

“The trashy one lit my curtains on fire.”

“She snorted half my coke and then let the cops bust me for it.”

Fearful Pranks Ensue
There are flashbacks to 1961 and Marie unleashing zombies. Now she plans to do the same to the witch house. Now Spalding hides Madison’s body and her stripper heels in his creepy attic room. The Council show up. Fiona sends Marie a head in a box. Zoë’s life revolves around Kyle. There was a truce between the witches and Marie that is now broken. Hank cheats and reveals himself to be a monster with no moral qualms.

Myrtle knows Fiona is evil. Fiona does the slouch of villainy. Spalding has a deep and heartfelt love for Fiona. Madison wasn’t the next supreme, oops. This was good. Spalding is a freak and something terrible is done to Cordelia.

Best Lines:
“Hard drinking, big dicks and trouble.”

“She keeps getting away with it!”

Rewind (2013)
This failed SyFy pilot seems to have been rejigged into 2016’s ‘Timeless’. A physicist named Rourke (David Cronenberg) goes bad and decides to blow up New York. He is threatened by CIA agent Knox. Rourke is obsessed by his 37 years dead wife and babbles incoherently. Knox is played by a truly untalented actor. Rourke orders Knox to save his wife. This has corny dialogue, wooden acting and stupid women.

This was horrific, uninspired and boring. New York blows up in a cheap ass exposition. One month passes. Knox is in jail facing trial for the NY bomb. His wife died in the blast along with 9 million other people and he broods. A General takes him out of jail to a bunker where a scientist Dr Bryce works. Dr Bryce (Jennifer Ferrin of ‘The Cape’) snaps and snarls.

Another dude named Gates stands around. Bryce has a particle collider and a window to the past. There is a time travel plot to save NY. The failed ‘Time Tunnel’ reboot was better. Bryce points out that nobody has any idea what the consequences to be to time travel. Apparently the destruction of NY has collapsed economies and war is imminent. Ellis (Jeff Fahey of ‘Lost’) is an engineer.

This was semi-wretched and muddled and there is a rip-off of a joke from the 2009 ‘Star Trek’. Self-absorbed and unreflective people prance. This has no distinctive voice. The scientists collect garbage to study the past. This was negating and not an unmined gem. Nobody reacts with amazed disbelief to time travel. It has a glossy smooth veneer. It was vapid and kind of dumb. It is as subtle as an axe to the face. It was incompetent and incapable. The fight for all time begins but nobody cares.

Best Lines:
“Go. Don’t ask.”

“Life creating act of destruction.”

“No one was listening to me.”

“No I don’t understand.”

“That Libya thing last year.”

“They won’t go easy on you.”

“A measure of recourse.”

“Things don’t get better now.”

“That line is there for a reason.”

“A rupture in the wave function of the universe.”

“Pre 1978.”

“Bring a person back through.”

“Mannerisms, taboos.”

“They don’t like subtlety.”

“It was the Spanish civil war.”

“Jazz age.”
Tags: blindspot, coven, flash, forgotten tv pilots, timeless
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