epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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American Horror Story: Coven (2011 - ?) 3x01&3x02 + Legends 2x05 Reviewed

This is the 3rd season of the anthology of self contained miniseries. It aired 2013-2014. I haven’t seen the other seasons ‘Murder House’, ‘Asylum’, ‘Freak Show’ or ‘Hotel’.

In 1834 New Orleans, a matriarch named Madame LaLaurie bullies her three daughters and does horrible things to her slaves. She has a vengeful triumph in her awfulness. In the present day. Zoë finds her boyfriend irresistible until he dies on top of her and she is sent to a witch finishing school. It’s a scary situation and her classmates Madison (Emma Roberts), Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) and Nan aren’t welcoming. The headmistress Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) seems wounded. It’s a scary situation.

The school has impressive stairs and a supreme witch named Fiona (Jessica Lange) who wants eternal youth and kills a scientist (Ian Anthony Dale). A Cajun witch named Misty is burnt at the stake. This was all libertine baroque. A servant has no tongue, the young witches brawl and Fiona is Cordelia’s awful mother. Madison has to be the dramatic centre of attention. Kyle (Evan Peters) likes Zoë. Madison is assaulted and takes revenge.

Madame LaLaurie’s house is now a museum to abject horror and her infamous deeds. She was struck down by Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett). Stripper heels are worn, Zoë has inarticulate anger and exacts twisted revenge. Kyle’s killed and then Fiona digs up something from LaLaurie’s garden. This was okay, I now know that Madame LaLaurie was a real person but this is a heavily fictionalised take on her.

Best Lines:
“She’s just bulimic.”

“New Orleans became the new Salem.”

“I’m just mad for tartan.”

“So bored now.”

“We’re a dying breed Zoë.”

“When are you going to die?”

“Don’t make me drop a house on you.”

Boy Parts
Cajun witch Misty isn’t dead, she resurrected herself. She has gators chomp on people. Madison is terrible. The cops ask questions. Cordelia is infertile and is married to Hank who wants her to use her magic to fix it. Madison has the really bad idea to resurrect Kyle. Fiona has the immortally cursed LaLaurie in her room. Marie Laveau’s revenge on LaLaurie was terrible. All Fiona wants is immortality. Kyle is resurrected. Marie Laveau is still around and she’s not too fond of witches. There are unwise decisions, revelations and dark magic. This was okay and the creepy Minotaur returns.

Best Lines:
“This will not be forgiven.”

“I’m sorry I killed your boy candy.”

“Sabrina The Teenage Cracker.”

“Did we just marry the devil? Because I don’t know if I’m down with that.”

“There was an accident. Sort of.”

“You’re not remembered fondly.”

“I loved my girls in my own way. Even the ugly one.”

“Hell is real.”

The Legend Of Terrence Grave
Ballard is dutiful and pays a hooker to spy. Kate is not forthcoming. Martin intervenes and flashbacks give back-story to his old handler Terrence who is verbose. The flashbacks are endless. Nobody has radiant respect for anyone. There are perma-themes of deception and lies and double dealing. Terrence has many secrets. Interest is not bolstered. Ballard is angry people are not sufficiently adulatory of his Tommy Lee Jones impersonation and snots as far as practicable. He strives. Gabi had sexual displacement. Ballard is not restful and has no high awareness.

People have their own agendas. Everyone wants Martin. Terrance slaps men around. Ballard berates Martin. There is bad acting. Ballard’s revenge plan goes awry making him look like a pathetic hypocrite. Ballard bangs the hooker, drinks and unravels. Kate has to do something to escape jail. Terrance has a secret, a really really big one. He’s damaged. Ballard has regrets and misses Gabi and did he kill himself?

Best Lines:
“How much did they pay you to seduce me?”

“You are not a Russian gangster, you are an intelligence officer.”

“There’s no going home. Not for you.”

“I’ve been hunting him for 14 years!”

“I’ll never get you will I?”
Tags: coven, legends

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