epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The Nine(2006-2007) 1x01 + War&Peace 1x13&1x14&1x15&1x17 + The Flash 2x20 + Blindspot 1x19 Reviewed

Nine people, mostly strangers to each other, are linked by a 52 standoff when a bank robbery gone wrong. This stars John Billingsley, Jessica Collins, show killer Tim Daly, Scott Wolf, Tom Verica, Susan Sullivan and Connor O’Farrell. A cop named Nick (Daly) has a gambling problem, a surgeon named Jeremy (Wolf - who can’t act) is pompous, an ADA named Kathryn (Kim Raver) takes her clothes off and thieves plan to rob the bank for unknown reasons. The ADA’s mother (Sullivan) says a pin of hers has been stolen and a sad git named Egan (Billingsley) is unhappy.

The cop has obliviousness to his own awfulness. No characters have wholesome cleanliness. This show is out of date as nowadays, banks aggressively do not want customers to come in. Ombre eyed tellers preen and there is no security. This was not radical, bold or different. The bank robbers strike and suddenly it is 52 hours later and people cope with what happened.

A furore has erupted. People are yelling, somebody has been shot and this was all unmonestisably bad. This exemplifies all that is wrong with American TV. I’m incurious about how this all turns out. This lacks ambition. The hostages look rough and people have their clothes off. Why are the hostages under suspicion? Wasn’t this more or less identical to the Clive Owen movie ‘Inside Man’? What went on inside the bank? There are no subtle modulations. Why did the ADA get punched in the face and why is her hair cut off? Was someone sexually harassed?

An FBI agent (O’Farrell) looks doleful. Nobody has appealing gravitas, poise or angst. There are no discoverable character traits just rudimentary plot and bad acting. There is shaky cam, Egan’s wife is a bitch because she is a wife in a TV drama and naturally she has no bucolic qualities. Someone has amnesia and there may have been an inside person. The bank manager is Malcolm (Chi McBride) and he broods. This doesn’t exactly explore characters in a confined situation and is anti-climatic and not harrowing.

Like ‘Reunion’, ‘Vanished’ and ‘Persons Unknown’, this lacks urgency and was cancelled. Egan wants to live for now. There is a funeral. Jeremy’s galpal is pregnant and hasn’t told him and has ditched him. Nick is harassed by a child. Priorities are re-evaluated and this was okay in that while it had a nugget of promise, it was badly executed.

Best Lines:
“I never get the hugs.”

“His own personal ‘Crying Game’.”

“A boat loan.”

“Fewer fingers looking for alarm buttons.”

“Somebody has been inside my box!”

“There is no other time.”

“Where’s the negotiator?”

“Never going to see the light of day again.”

“Because to them we’re all suspects.”

“Where’s her ex?”

“Does it have to mean everything?”

“I heard you punched out the negotiator that night.”

Nobody is cognisant of reality. Pierre won’t listen to sense. This was unsatisfactory. There is a battlefield led by a General who can barely walk and Pierre wanders around in a suit looking languid. Boris has what looks like a loo brush on his head. People cling to the comforting security of the past. Napoleon screams and is of no therapeutic support to his underlings. Everything is all degeneration. Napoleon is unyielding and sits on his ass whining. There is fanaticism and death. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“As if God cares.”

“People talk you know.”

“Silly street talk.”

“Too young to look on the field of battle, yet.”

Helene leaves Pierre. Pierre’s wastrel brother in law is dead. There is no exosociology or devious manipulations just unpleasant consequences. Natasha’s mother rants madly. Natasha wants to save the china. Moscow is being evacuated. Uncertainty is ignored. TPTB limit their effectiveness. You can see the foundation caked into the actresses faces. Natasha and her inherited miseries has no robustness. Her mother is a piece of work. Petya and his Bay City Rollers haircut shows up. Wounded soldiers show up and Natasha gains worldliness as her increasingly despised awful mother yaps and berates her husband. This ep was a catastrophic failure. Andrei is among the wounded.

Best Lines:
“A farcical union that should never have happened.”

“The Russians are still there.”

“The thrust of desperate men.”

“The ancient and sacred capital of Russia.”

“That phrase is without meaning.”

“Panic mongers.”

“They’ve broken into the liquor stores!”

“You’ve ruined us!”


This is not a true, powerful, exciting epic. Napoleon thinks of nothing but war as he arrives in an empty Moscow. Napoleon strikes a stupid stance and insults peasants and screams. He is an ingrained tool. Pierre waves a pistol and plans to kill Napoleon. A peasant yells like a Dalek. Pierre is a right looking eejit. A drunken French man babbles. Red wine that looks like Ribena is drunk. Pierre and the drunken Frenchie babble incoherently at each other. This was putative. Moscow burns. Napoleon shouts and is sneered at, but fails to notice. Moscow (or rather an obvious miniature) burns more. There is bad acting and negative satisfaction. Pierre tries to be a hero. The Russians play hardball and this was dull.

Best Lines:
“The clemency of the French emperor.”

“Kill the French!”

“I don’t want to know what’s difficult!”

“No irreconcilable antagonism.”

“You’re no peasant!”

“I would be insane to do so.”

“Moscow is burning.”

Of Life And Death
I skipped 1x16. Actors can’t play dead. Natasha nurses the dying Andrei. Pierre likes prison. Maria is made to give up Nikolai. The ill-intentioned and odious in nature Andrei dies. This was blah.

Barry is a mad obsessive. Why is Iris hanging out at STAR Labs? Cisco fakes a Flash hologram. Laurel’s dead, don’t any of the gang care? Harry wants to recreate the particle accelerator explosion. Barry visits Henry who is irresolute. He’s also caked in orange fake tan and has overly white teeth. Barry whines. Jesse is conclusively annoying. Henry doesn’t lift the mood. Zoom pops up. Snow is useless. Cisco looks up Dante. And Dante’s perpetual refrain is to whine. Jesse and Wally are locked in Wells’ secret room. Why are they ignoring the existence of Gideon? Joe is disapproving. Dante is a jackass. Cisco and Dante are menaced. This ep has no collective cohesion. Reverb’s brother Rupture walks around being violent.

Harry can’t pronounce scythe. Iris makes it all about her. Barry wants to get his leg over. This was inexorably bad. Dante annoys. Zoom shouts and rampages. Joe and Singh aren’t killed off. The media are morons. Dante’s petty jealously bores. This ep had no invigorating freshness. Wally and Jesse are morons. Cisco waves a wand. Iris won’t shut up. What is hydrostatic? Zoom screeches. Barry blows up. Jesse and Wally get zapped. Zoom gloats. Henry emotes.

Best Lines:
“Everytime I see you, we get attacked by lunatics.”

“Dude wants me dead.”

“Evil Wells.”

“They are going in now.”

“Great god, it’s working!”

In The Comet Of Us
Who is ‘they’? Mayfair’s baby-voiced lover has resurfaced. There is newsprint nail polish. Reade wears a bizarre bow-tie. Tasha unlocks a tattoo and it has to do with a university football team/scholarship fraud. The team recklessly inquire into another case. There is a shooting and flashbacks. Tasha is in GA, which is run by a poor man’s Norman Reedus. Jane’s creepy handler upsets her and they are pulling more crap. Morons wave guns, there is bad acting and this was dull with no pizzazz. Discontent is incited and the motive is obvious. This was sluggish, sloppy and nothing makes cohesive sense.

Best Lines:
“I have enough self-control to read the sports pages.”

“I‘m out of ammo and he knows it.”
Tags: blindspot, flash, review, scary 1970s tv

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