epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: The Woods + 30 Days of Night

The Woods (2005)

This is a deathly dull horror film.

In 1965, the sulky brat Heather is dumped at boarding school by her fed up parents. Falburn Academy does not agree with Heather, her only friend is Marcy, she's bullied by the violent Samantha (Rachel Nichols of 'The Inside'), the teachers are hysterics and she's plagued by bad dreams.

After many interminable dream sequences Heather learns that there is some truth to the school's urban legend about witches and murder. Can she save herself, her schoolmates and her father (Bruce Campbell) from killer ivy and wicked witches? This film never seemed to end, even Bruce Campbell doing a gross vomiting scene and the Kill It With Fire ending couldn't enliven this film. It was sadly dull, still it did have a few good lines.

Best Lines:
"How many football players put it in you before your mom got sick of having another tramp around the house?"

"Mom I just want to come home. I miss my friends."
"Heather sweetheart, you don't have any friends."

"It's not so bad here. Better than home."
"Home would be fine if my mom was dead."

30 Days of Night (2007)

After enduring endless trailers for films like 'The Tattooist', 'Unearthed' and 'Hot Tamale', the film finally began. The small town of Barrow, Alaska is about to go a month without sun. Which makes it a perfect feeding ground for a gang of nasty vampires.

Eben the Sheriff (Josh Hartnett, who keeps getting work for a reason that eludes me) and his estranged, idiot wife Stella (Melissa George) soon notice that strange things are afoot in Barrow. It seems a stranger (played by Ben Foster who both overacts and fails to act) has sabotaged communications, power and the helicopter and has killed all the sled dogs. Soon the vampires descend, led by someone who looks like a football hooligan (Danny Huston of 'Marie Antoinette'). Blood flies, people die and a small handful of surviours hide in an attic to wait out the month.

This was kind of dull with various people acting like idiots. Plus it wasn't scary. Questions remain: when they were hiding out for a month, how did they manage the sanitation arrangements? How did they escape the big oil fire at the end? Still there were a few good moments: the ship in the ice at the start, the poster that proclaims: 'Snowmobiling and alcohol don't mix' and the very effective overhead shot of the streets of Barrow covered in blood, bodies and rampaging vampires.

Best Lines:
"Stay in your homes, lock your doors and load your firearms. This is not a drill."

"There's a taser in the back. If he gives you any trouble, use it."

Tags: hunted, movie review

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