epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: Satan's School For Girls (1973) + The Veil + Fatal Love

Satan’s School For Girls (1973)
This alleged ‘classic’ had a bad remake. I think the remake was only slightly less bad. Pamela Franklin, Kate Jackson, Roy Thinnes and Jo Van Fleet star in this tale of odd goings on at a school. There is dated tech, annoying yelling and Elizabeth refuses to believe her sister Martha killed herself. There is bad acting and this was not softly beguiling. Cops have disinterest and sceptical reason.

Elizabeth goes undercover to Martha’s alma mater, an academy of the fine arts. There are bad clothes and Jackson is a fellow pupil and Van Fleet is the headmistress. The picture is bad. The teachers at Salem Academy are creepy. I can’t believe this TV movie has a hallowed status. It is so dull. There are wine parties, screaming, odd diction and a non-disciplined environment.

You can’t gage the urgency of Elizabeth’s situation as nothing is happening. The plot is not a puzzler. Elizabeth acts obviously. She has emotionally needy classmates. A painting is important as is a corridor. There is no guile. The remake/sequel reinterpreted events and was slightly less dull. This film causes an absence of euphoria. The boredom caused by the untapped potential of the plot cause a weird dissonance.

This was naff with exploitative sexuality and a stark existence for teens. This was unfabulous. I had unrealistic notions of what to expect due to this film’s unearned cult status. This was a soul suckingly awful yawner. Elizabeth thoughtlessly heads into dangerous situations. Teachers do scathing tirades and this was an intestinal transit.

Best Lines:
“She’s gone crazy in there!”

“She was a melancholy girl.”

“No memories for her.”

“Girls of good breeding are more easily groomed.”

“To make them passive.”

“Any unusual conduct in your teachers or classmates?”

The Veil (2015)
Thomas Jane and Jessica Alba star in this inept horrible horror movie. In the 1980s Jim Jacobs (Jane) led the Heaven’s Veil cult while ranting in particularly wretched fashion. Then they all died. One child survived and grew up to be Sarah Hope who is now the subject of a documentary by Maggie (Alba).

Maggie wants the salacious details and to find the film reels the cult made that were never found. Flashbacks to the 70s and found footage of the 80s show the nauseatingly uxorious Jim recruiting and ranting.

This differs dramatically from ‘The Sacrament’, as in that film was good. This film isn’t, at all. Jim was overwhelmingly negative, pessimistic and crazy. A harbinger lurks, the film has a grubby image and shared recollections of the cult’s long shadow bore.

This has overtly melodramatic tones and is not harrowing and nobody is sweetly appealing. Maggie and her gang find the films in a rotting building that was oddly never found until now. They watch Jim’s bizarre rantings. This was not a largely delightful fragmentary experience. Jim had no pious inspirations. It is revealed who Sarah’s parents were to no suprise.

There is bad acting and mumbling. Sarah’s mother was Jim’s nurse/devoted handmaiden Karen (Aleksa Palladino). As Jim Thomas Jane overacts and yells all his dialogue. Jim was not a fake, Karen doubted and there are twists and an incoherent ending. This was not observantly brilliant and what happened to Jill (Shannon Woodward of ‘Raising Hope‘)?

Best Lines:
“Why are you touching needles?”

“They don’t have needle guards.”

“The other airbag blew.”

“It’s another 20 miles to, like, the nearest anything.”

“Those who will not follow. Shall be carried.”

“What have you done Sir?”

“The veil has been lifted and the fallen shall rise.”

Fatal Love (1992)
Molly Ringwald takes her top off and plays a crazy stalker in this deadening boredom inspiring mess that does a truly inept job.
Tags: movie review, scary 1970s tv

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