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9 TV Reviews

The Durrells 1x03
Gerald has two tortoises. Margot attracts Greek peasants. Larry is appalling and has a fractured sense of purpose. Larry’s woman Nancy is mentioned. Leslie is all lifeless clichés. Louisa does a grim exploration of Corfu. This show is objectively wrong; it is not a lived experience. There is leaden direction. Gerald hangs out with a convict in this self-indulgent ep. The Greeks and their masculine superiority exude carnality. This was not even gloriously ridiculous as it has a contemptuous regard for facts.

Thinly drawn characters have airless skirmishes and make sentimental decisions. This was utter triviality. Louisa hangs out with a Swede. Larry and Leslie are hateful gits. This created not even a frisson of excitement. Gerald gets a gull. This is ITV drama at its most depressing; this trudges on with turgid slowness. Leslie is dumped and wants to fight his ex’s new love.

This episode is manipulative and cloying as the plot does not unfold with great dexterity. There is an overlong parade of wackiness. Leslie has a fantastic meltdown. There is a startling moment when you wonder if Gerald Durrell hated his siblings. Larry has a self-satisfied edifice and is contentious. Margot gets a job and violates medical ethics. Gerald is a challenging and overtly painful child. This was not rich and resonant.

Gerald gets a terrapin. Louisa wonders about the advisability of Gerald hanging out with a convict. What is a postal order? Leslie Caron has a cameo and looks Asian due to a bad facelift.

Best Lines:
“Other fluids I won’t go into.”

“Whatever Margo is.”

“It’s gnashing something.”

“Before her family wore her down.”

“I’ll burn the book you’re writing.”

“Go fishing with convicts.”

“The unjustly arrested wife murderer.”

“Gerry? Who we found chatting to a rat?”

“He shot our postman.”

~
Agents of SHIELD 3x15

Spacetime
The gang learn Ward is alive. No-one says that maybe Coulson shouldn’t have murdered him. Not one person. Nobody has any regrets. Ward glides around in his trenchcoat. SHIELD are snoopers. May is insufferable, Daisy does the wide-eyed waif act and has a vision of the future. A wooden bird is poignant. Daisy is not a charming presence. There is no superlative talent at work here.

This was okay but has no brilliance, gusto or imagination. Fitz won’t shut up. SHIELD is arbitrary and exclusive to the point of cliquishness. May cuts a shouty swathe through the ep. Lash the lowest echelon of villain shows up to annoy. Everyone wears monochrome clothing. This does not build suspense. Gideon does stuff, blithely.

A man can see the future. He carved a wooden bird for his daughter. But oddly SHIELD don’t give his wife (Lola Glaudini) the bird. May has hopelessness and desperation, nobody cares. What is with her cursory appearances? Why is Ward the Inhuman god hanging out with Gideon?

There is bad acting. Fitz is emotionally stagnant and becalmed. Coulson is a vile man with no decency or sense of purpose. May has deep rooted antipathy and bitter recriminations. Daisy kills people. Gideon beats her up. Fundamental behavioural change is needed. The security guy abandons his humanity and his boss to side with Ward. Mmmm.

Best Lines:
“We would be rewarded.”
“With what?”

“You looked like an extra from ‘Dawn of the Dead’.”

“You touched him didn’t you?”

“We don’t know what we’re dealing with here.”

~
Criminal Minds 10x19

Beyond Borders
A backdoor pilot for the spin-off I knew nothing about. There is a Terry Pratchett quote and the BAU join forces with the xenophobic international unit. A couple (Bonnie Sommerville and Tom Everett Scott of ‘Z Nation’) are menaced by a nutter. Esai Morales shows up for one scene. The international unit is headed by Gary Sinise and Anna Gunn. The gang have to save the couple and their children from the annihilator. Cultural assumptions are made and the annihilator makes nihilistic moans. Anna Gunn didn’t make it to the spin-off.

Cries of despair, a mildly barbaric killer and ‘Taken’ knockoffs are the iconography of this ep. Gunn goes on about how her brother was framed for something. Nobody cares. Remember when ‘JAG’ set up ‘NCIS’ and Robin Lively was an annoying woman screeching about her dead brother and she didn’t make it to ‘NCIS’ and was never seen or mentioned again? Gunn is the new version of her.

The covetous killer has narrow fatalism and manpain. There is collective trauma for the abducted. Garcia causes hot flushes of embarrassment with her idiocy. Anna Gunn and her pee coloured hair looks bored. Obligation can be a powerful emotion as the family try to save themselves. There are info dumps and the killer has a firm hatred of vulnerability. The psycho needs a new place to stay. The BAU act only slightly concerned and the underlying homicidal behaviour is blamed on the killer’s stepmother. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“He’s quite a breeder.”

“No dog doors or hidden points of entry.”

“An internal annihilator.”

“Bonded T-1 line.”

“Keeping together is a process.”

“Target rich environment for his type.”

~
Mutant X (2001 - 2004) 1x15-1x18

Lazarus Syndrome
There are 90s clubbing scenes and a mutant vampire targets Emma. There was fighting and this was emotionally and technically imperfect.

Best Line:
“I understand your weapon of choice was a GSA vehicle.”

Interface
This was often superficial and cliché ridden. There is fighting and everything looks yellow. There is made up computer tech and a glacial baddie. There is bad acting and quaint transitions. This was so extra with bad sfx and this speculative drama had insurmountable issues.

Presumed Guilty
Adam has his memory wiped. Mason tries to fool Adam. There is a paranoid mindset and sap. The highly adversarial Mason wanders around Storm King mountain. Adam is irascible in a roll-neck. This was mediocre. These people have an unwillingness to be introspective and TPTB lack in creative game strategy.

Best Line:
The blind leading the stupid.”

Ex Marks The Spot
This was not careful or nuanced. There is talking, fighting, Shalimar’s ex shows up and the show’s flaws are heavily abundant. There is a heist and to say this sucked was a pretty good assessment.

~
American Crime Story: The People v. OJ Simpson 1x10

The Verdict
Closing statements are made and Cochran rabble rouses. Rob Morrow has bad hair and Shapiro is billy no mates. The jury are a disgrace and could care less. A double murder and they debated for 4 hours? OJ is acquitted. The defence seem shocked. Marcia and Darden are bitter. Rob is upset and knows OJ did it. OJ is shocked his neighbours and former friends don’t want to know him. Where did Kato go? This was good and ends on a where are they now montage. Ito didn’t write a book, F Lee Bailey was disbarred, Kris Jenner created a reality TV empire and there is no justice for Nicole and Ron.

Best Lines:
“If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

“They did kind of fit.”

“This is just wrong!”

“Where’s Kato?”

~
iZombie 1x13

Blaine’s World
I’m determined not to be impressed. Liv’s consistent misrepresentations lead to trouble and a cliffhanger. I’m done. Season 1 ends as bodies stack up and Liv sneers over a dead woman’s body. She has no steadiness or moral rectitude. Liv is selfish. Max Rager knows all about the zombies and could care less. Liv makes invidious suggestions and is horrendously selfish and awful. She’s also wary and chilly.

Major is reasonably angry as the truth outs and Liv denies her awfulness unconvincingly. This show gives no contentment and this ep had no steadfastness. Liv tries to deflate puffed up men. Liv revels in ignorance and silence and does not explain or offer counsel. This ep does not brilliantly invoke a society in which traditional bonds are being violently sundered.

Liv is an evasive prat and has no workable reason is keep endlessly lying. Liv isn’t introspective and artificially fabricates things. Awful people die. This is a tough indictment of modern TV’s creative forces. Liv acts like a selfish lying bitch some more. Major gets violent, dead, turned and cured. Blaine annoys and oddly is not killed but cured. This was terrible; Major has had his soul pecked out by Liv.

Best Lines:
“Let me know if you survive.”

“Go with the doctor.”
“No.”

“Can’t seem to die.”

“I’m not on a sex cam, I can see you.”

“Questionable style choices.”

“Did you know what my mom always said?”
“Why did I stop using birth control?”
Tags: agents of shield, american crime story, izombie, review
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