epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Legends Of Tomorrow 1x07 + Colony 1x02 + Supergirl 1x11 + The Five 1x01 + Agent Carter 2x04 Reviewed

Jack the lad Rip broods in the Waverider that looks like a hairdresser’s car. Rip and co still haven’t set the geopolitical world to rights because they’re idiots. Stein and his boring image bores. Mick has an adverse perception of things because Rip is a fight picking tool. Mick has no subtlety of performance. They go into deep space. There is bad wire-work, time pirates and blatant ‘Star Trek’ rip-offs.

There are flashbacks and Rip treated his love interest in an overtly fetishist manner. I feel that maybe 1x06 was a rare display of competence. Pirates menace, the gang woefully fail to cope and Rip is superior. Lord, I hate him and Stein. The pirates are a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Stein is majorly uncool and flat-out mortifying. There are no clever moments of absurdity.

Did Rip know that Sara’s sister would be murdered and didn’t tell her? Rip blathers about the Vanishing Point but doesn’t tell us what it is. This ep was overflowing with crap. Time Master’s take fake names which explains Rip’s ridiculous moniker. No-one seems to care that Oliver’s secret identity was blown in 1x06. TPTB have fatally squandered this show’s appeal.

Mick has a terrible sense of betrayal due to Rip’s barely competent efforts. Snart dresses like Steve Jobs. Golden Glider is mentioned. Mick has a dissenting opinion. Captain Baxter the Time Master walks off. Rip’s love interest and her premature tights removal was dumb. Snart maybe kills Mick and this was not skilfully rendered. There is no real coherent attempt at a narrative arc.

Best Lines:
“Flagship of the Time Fleet.”

“Requesting critical rescue.”

“Where I belong?”

“Temporal Navigation System.”

“Barbaric form of violence.”

“The IQ of meat.”

“What’s going on?”
“You’re losing.”

A Brave New World
Will’s co-worker, Carlos, is arrested. The Transitional Authority do stuff. Kate’s sister Maddie is Hudson’s mother and she’s always hanging out at their house. There is mention of the Raps, is that what they call the aliens? Will has a car now, Katie brings up the fact that her father didn’t like Will and Josh Holloway has the same hairstyle he did in 2004.

Will Bowman is surrounded by glacially cold, composed and polite plotting women. Katie is sly and manipulative. The Gateways is what the gaps in the wall are called. Katie reopens her bar. It seems soda may be a restricted item now. Will’s co-worker is Beau (Carl Weathers).

Maddie works as a waitress to the elite in the Green Zone. Collaboration chills Will’s soul a little. The Resistance are jerks. Maddie is paid off with wine and chocolate for having sex with a collaborator in the Green Zone. She’s not selling herself more just yet. Profoundly damaging things happen. Katie is in a bubble of high-minded complacency.

Will’s ID scares Redhats. There is a mention of the Orange Line but no clue as to what is. Redhats take photos off the memorial wall for some reason. The Raps killed the law enforcement/military types or did they? Bram has galpal named Pia. There is Resist graffiti everywhere. The Resistance has internal divisions. Katie is self-righteous and they plan meaningful damage. How do they plan to fight aliens who presumably have FTL travel, advanced technology and who can build huge walls and defeated Earth’s defences in under 8 hours? Where are the aliens? Carlos is sent to The Factory, but what is it? Will fells shame. The Resistance are ruthless and this was good.

Best Lines:
“He’s rather get shot than go where he’s going.”

“Don’t disrespect that word.”

“When the suspect breaks.”

“Helping people isn’t what we do.”

“No one will ever find them.”

Strange Visitor From Another Planet
A senator is in peril from a Martian. Hank does growly voiced hammy acting. Nobody cares about Hank’s emotional burnout or why one lot of Martians have collective psychosis and animus. Why did the bad Martians carry out the worst degradations? Winn acts like a child. This has no electrifying impact and is too tidy and pat. It has no natural kind of internal rhythm. Hank has toxic memories and remains embittered to this day. This was not astringent and eloquent. Maxwell Lord’s latest science project shows up in the cliffhanger but nobody cares.

Best Lines:
“His ruin will be swift and merciless.”

“The tone we agreed you wouldn’t use.”

“You’re what worms eat.”

“Beg him to save you.”

Harlan Coben’s The Five (2016) 1x01
Who is Harlan Coben? Anyway in 1995 four teenagers and one annoying child went into the wood. The teens shooed the annoying child away and he, Jesse, vanished. Now it is the present day and the teens are all grown up. Harlan Coben didn’t write this much-hyped mess. A woman is murdered and DNA evidence indicates Jesse killed her. Mark is Jesse’s brother and is a prat with an uncaring dad and an attention seeking mother. Danny is a cop and is somehow allowed to remain on the case. Prue is a doctor. Slade is an idiot until the twist ending reveals he isn’t. This was laborious as a convicted killer claims he killed Jesse, Danny arrests a wideboy who may be Jesse, another missing child shows up and nothing makes any sense. I’m not bothering with anymore. This was unwieldy and had no sense of a profound incommunicable solitude.

Best Line:
“The manner of her dress.”

Smoke & Mirrors
Flashbacks reveal Whitney Frost’s origin story as well as Peggy’s. The ‘heroine’ Peggy is shouty, testy and she has relentless ferocity and psychological one-upmanship. She is also disputatious. Frost found sexism impossibly restrictive despite being a genius. TPTB think Jarvis is adorable, he’s just boundlessly absurd. Any woman who acted like Peggy does in 1947 would have been slapped down. Peggy has credulity and lies to Sousa. She’s dumb totty. This was good if not a stimulating thrill or feverishly inventive. Frost is a Manson like maniac. The commentariat strike. Peggy purveys threats and is wilful. Why haven’t the SSR fired her yet? Frost got her big break from a sleazy ‘talent agent’. Peggy had a bother and a fiancé and the loss of one and the rejection of the other sent her to the SOE. Peggy sports a not very 1940 wedding dress. There is death and not a single mention of Angie.

Best Lines:
“There are lots of Nazis there and they tend to shoot at you a great deal.”

“The toxin’s effects become fatal in 20 minutes. I’ll be back in 10.”

“You think those things just happened?”
Tags: agent carter, colony, legends of tomorrow, review, supergirl

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