The Nowhere Affair
“A maniac depressive who is never depressed.”
“He’s turned back.”
“Little Thrush witch.”
“And death it will be.”
“Maps leading from it.”
Coulson makes wilful mistakes. Hunter and Mockingbird aren’t emblematic roles and the script is like a hippy’s acid ramblings. Nobody searches for the righteous course. Will Hunter shut up about mushrooms? Who do they think they are? This season is a lurid turkey and this ep is really, really bad.
May is in posturing high dudgeon. Hunter and Mockingbird mock, ridicule, hinder and obstruct. There are no consequences, they get to skip off and people act sad. This was deplorable. There are behaviour complaints, chronic despair and apathy. There is no ethical remembering and the plotline makes no sense. SHIELD throws outright tantrums and Hunter whines.
Hunter’s predominant emotion is an arse. He has no moral uniqueness. Simmons needs to shut up and there is more shameful behaviour and quip-firing. People dally and there is unnecessary panic and nobody is eloquent. Delusional behaviour is rewarded and SHIELD is a toxic cliquey gang and they pathologise everything.
There are snafus and hammer faced Mockingbird and hair-gel numpty Hunter have shenanigans. This was a non-event. Coulson is a sanctimonious, disappointed frowner and he sneers at other professionally disgruntled types. The highly irresponsible murder inflames a volatile situation. Hunter and Mockingbird antagonise and have no heartfelt apologies. They are narcissistic psychopaths and ill-prepared for consequences.
The POTUS lies and Coulson thinks he is important when he is just a noxious lair. Mockingbird and Hunter deserve swift, brutal justice. This was crap and will Coulson just shut up? People think the duo is unfairly pilloried? Coulson won’t stop needlessly antagonising people. Gideon has a child (it's one of the 'One Tree Hill' gang!)
“Manifest sentient dark force.”
“Maybe not everyone should.”
“Extraction won’t work here.”
“They’ve been disavowed.”
“They don’t know he’s back.”
It is the 30s and the widowed Durrell matriarch Louisa (Keeley Hawes - who despite being cast in everything cannot act) leaves grey old England for Corfu. The family’s Anglo-Indian origins aren’t mentioned but there are ugly clothes, a pull-down, Gerald being kicked out of school, bad acting, okay opening credits and Louisa’s drinking problem is hinted at. Oddly nobody ever seems to have filmed Lawrence Durrell's novels.
Lawrence writes, Leslie is a moron and Margot yells. Lawrence was married at this point to his first wife but that fact is ignored. This was not personal and significant. Louisa wears ugly hats and broods in a desolate bay. Gerald incurs disapproval by being unteachable. This was made with some lack of talent. Lawrence has lifestyle protests about his mother’s petiti-bourgeois banality. They move to sunny Corfu for a life of dissipation.
They met Spiro the mad Greek, Gerald brings home a pelican and the clan of tantrum throwers and sulkers have rows. I felt polite disinterest for this. The mother is always whining and has a cold, disagreeable tone. Gerald meets local polymath Theo who hangs out at their villa. Charming Greek eccentrics surround them and fawn over them.
There is a horrible outdoor loo. Leslie loves guns. The villa has no electricity, glass, plumbing or furniture. All the dialogue is mumbled. Louisa is a martyr and nails herself to her cross (not literally). She wails about being under-appreciated. A monk yells. This was not highly emotive and quickly went into precipitous decline. Gerald brings home a tortoise and their dog runs wild. Oddly rabies is not an issue.
“This pitiful school.”
“Nothing is about me.”
“We think the sex will calm you down.”
“I am astonished that nobody has murdered you yet.”
“Use a bloody pencil.”
“Taken my uniform into the garden and shot it.”
“Full of disgusting animals.”
“I’m a big admirer of boarding schools.”
“None of you seems happy.”
“What writing? GET A PROPER JOB!”
Tim and his awful wife have a hostile symbiosis. Why is Ivy so stupid? Craig shows up. Mark is a mentally ill inverted brooder. The cops barely respond and this was not even a semi-triumphant ep. Angus has unusual animation. What happened to Ivy has not in general been dealt with sufficiently. Ivy’s reunion with Mark yields perplexing results. He’s a sexually inactive perv, at first. Everything is inherently wrong but I’m no incentivised to care about this rather dull finale.
Ivy and Mark sit around his latest bizarrely squalid house. This was not relentlessly hard-edged just surprisingly inconsequential and in its own category of awfulness. Elliot yells. Ivy had a miscarriage so Phoebe isn’t her child. Ivy suddenly waves a gun and yells about Mark’s dehumanising treatment of her, took look enough.
Eloise does nothing. Elliot acts like a lunatic. Nothing is realistic. How many houses does Mark have? The female cop has a serious head injury. Mark blows his house up and his neighbours don’t notice. Ivy wanders around looking gormless. What a sorry end to a once intriguing show.
“Perfect takes time.”
“13 years, wasted.”
“That is why I ran from you!”
“The toilet’s ringing.”
A Jury In A Jail
“Please check the tone of your voice.”
“Yes that’s actually true.”