The Man From UNCLE 2x20 - 2x23
The Bridge Of Lions Affair, part I
There are cats, Illya looms and gets shot and walks it off. A scientist (James Doohan) hides. Solo investigates the Euro-set. A fashion house boasts of its outlets in Paris, Rome, New York and Beirut. There is bad acting and no increasing urgency. There is a poke at the women’s movement and a bad Irish accent. This was not a fun, humorous and adventurous farce. The duo is captured and a ‘Lost In Space’ prop is reused.
“The poor rich.”
The Bridge Of Lions Affair, part II
This was more of same. TPTB aren’t trying very hard. THIS was must see TV in 1966? Thrush lurks and there is death and this was utter rubbish.
“There’s no love in you.”
“I’m glad he is asleep and cannot hear that.”
The Foreign Legion Affair
Illya is bothered by a flight attendant with excessive eye makeup. Illya recalls he is Russian. Thrush attack Illya, rip his clothes off so he’s in his underpants and then he and the flight attendant fall out of the plane and land in the desert. This is why I watch this show. Illya is indefatigable. Two lunatics live at a fort in the desert and there is lurid insinuation. What do people mean when they say the French Foreign Legion was disbanded? Solo is in peril and uses erotic triggers to escape. This was very good and there is another bad Irish accent. There is no gritty realism just unrepentantly polemical types and cranky iconoclasts.
“You’ll get the same thing he got.”
“Perpetrating some new kind of deviltry.”
“Behold the devil gentlemen. Mr Napoleon Solo.”
“You craven nit!”
“When you and I are rotting in our graves!”
“May your progeny increase.”
“Smile, look pleasant.”
The Moonglow Affair
This semi-competent ep with terrible production values was the poorly disguised pilot for the ill-fated ‘The Girl From UNCLE’ spin-off. It guest stars people who would not be cast in that show. Illya is captured by and a fairly sanguine Solo is irradiated by a baddie (Kevin McCarthy) who is out to sabotage the world space programmes.
The baddies have no moral restraint. There are lots of karate chops to the neck. This was clunky and leaves you with no insatiable desire to see more of April Dancer and Mark Slate. This was not particularly engaging as Dancer and Slate have to save the day as Solo acts like he is high. Uncle has a Beirut section apparently. Slate ‘broke in’ Solo and now he breaks in April. Field Agents have to retire at 40.
The rather joyless Dancer uses this opportunity as a stage to prove herself. She’s played by Miss America 1959 and wears glow in the dark lipstick. Thrush plans its own space programme. Illya is in peril. Dancer is none too discreet. There is no regret, loss or hopes for the future. Everyone comments on how fat and old Slate is.
“Take those files over there and burn them.”
“The space food laboratory.”
“That radiation stuff.”
“Admiral Webster is giving a political talk at the Veterans club. Professor Webster is marching in a political demonstration in front of the Veterans Club.”
Legends Of Tomorrow 1x05
I’m giving this till 1x06 to improve or I’m out. Nobody cares about Vandal Savage’s social sickness or Rip’s obliqueness. They’re still in the USSR in 1986 - why is Stein imaging Cisco? Stein bores and TPTB obviously lack a coherent long-term strategy or end-game.
Vandal Savage is ludicrous and unnecessary. There is no tricky emotional territory. The script is not expositorily bulletproof. Jax and Kendra bore. Sara needs to brush her hair. Rip Hunter bores, the Russian mob show up and this couldn’t create even muted excitement. The gang are not a consistently discreet presence. There are ‘Prison Break’ homages. Mick and Ray are in the gulag and Ray needs to be raffled off for cigarettes.
Stein really bores. This was terrible. There is babbling about Star City being the seat of the resistance. Footage looks sped up and the script is rabidly xenophobic. There are foibles, stereotypes and causal violence. I hate these people, I hate this immeasurably terrible show and a Soviet Firestorm blows up and the ‘heroes’ kill HOW MANY PEOPLE? This show’s only distinctive trait is SUCKING! Chronos shows up in a flurry of bad sfx and this was terrible in every single way.
“Snide attempt at humour.”
“They’re not dead. Yet.”
“Put your hand down.”
“American with the pretty teeth.”
“You need to cut me.”
“More drinking, less feeling.”
Childhood’s End (2015) part three: The Children
This ends badly. Jennifer the creepy starchild is like something out of ‘Omen IV’. Milo narrates. Julian McMahon’s character has vanished. Ricky gets sicker and dies. People are stupid and people who do ask questions are treated in a petty and vindictive manner. The alien overlord babbles about change and spews meaningless phrases.
This was not ruminative. The overlords made Ricky sterile and yet he still treated them as his industrious betters. Kids act creepy and worryingly alien. Some people go to New Athens to live a utopia free life. This was boring and comes to a miserable depressing cruel end.
Nobody acts like anything that happened is strange. The kids have a creepy shared understanding. Jennifer views her parents with anthropological detachment. There are bad child actors and this was empathically and unequivocally terrible. The overlords reveal they began with a foundational act of hypocrisy and lies. People react with pained resignation. The Freedom League was right.
There is unconvincing quiet devastation. Milo makes a deliberate decision. Even dying, Ricky obsesses over his dead ho. It is not revealed what the overlords do with all the animals they took from Earth. Milo witnesses the horrific truth and the end. Earth is home to dead generations and then is not home to anything at all.
“What are we evolving into?”
“Your children can go where we can never follow.”
“Your children are no longer yours.”
“We change worlds.”
“Safe from what?”
“I see your fear.”
“Your mother needs comfort.”
“The last free city on the planet.”
“Living life the old way.”
Non bothers Kara, Maxwell Lord is hugely incapable of affecting an outcome and Alex stops lying. Astra and her clip in hair extensions is not emotionally responsive. There is no sparkling dialogue. Maxwell Lord is spiritually adrift. Kara’s mother was always spewing brilliantly nasty things. Why does Kara lie to Cat? General Lane shows up. Maxwell Lord needs to go away. Cat Grant preens. Lord is unflinchingly nihilistic. This was okay despite no strong propulsive narrative. There is a good jump scare and Lord has no subtle menace. Lord is a deluded fool. Will Kara close her mouth? She believes in being right with such intensity.
“Blood does not bond us to him.”
“Your moral outrage.”
“Or a plane in need of catching.”
“We aren’t releasing a combatant of this threat level.”
“Spill like some Bond villain.”
“Their idealism will doom this planet.”
Agent Carter 2x02
A View In The Dark
Is this show and its false projected depth cancelled? Where is Angie? Why isn’t she even mentioned? Sequential longform drama is not Marvel comics best output. This show provokes angry ambivalence and doesn’t leave you deeply invested. Sycophant Jarvis is shoved down our throats, Ray Wise lurks and Peggy offers insistent provocation and has no contemplation.
Mrs Jarvis is not unwarranted. Peggy meets Sousa’s new galpal Violet. Sousa is plaintive. Everyone loves Peggy except unreconstructed gits. TPTB have sheer determination to have Peggy be instructive and sniff out gits who are highly indicative of evil. Peggy is equally unforgiving to those who don’t meet her lofty standards. There is an existential threat to existence.
Peggy responds belatedly to Sousa and is thankless. Mrs Jarvis’ accent is wildly inconsistent. The critical assessment is that this was mediocre. There is a perfunctory plot, it is a relative impossibility for Peggy to be nice and Whitney Frost does Michelle Williams style acting in 1947.
Frost gets faint damning praise. Sousa the discount Don Draper lurks. Frost is a scientist into Zero Matter. Is Wilkes dead? This was okay but does not have a haunting climax. What happened to Frost? Shark woman Peggy has a face like a moon rock.
“We will open it by force.”
“Good lord is that a mirror?!?”
“My hands filled with his wife’s knickers.”
“That pink atrocity.”
“That odious swine!”