Alexander The Greater Affair, part 1
The show is in colour now. A gas that makes people lose the will to win is stolen but isn’t used. The zany musical score is horribly inappropriate. In colour the show looks cheap and low budget. A creepy un-emotional man named Alexander plans to conquer the world - he’s played by a young, slim, totally unrecognisable Rip Torn. The UNCLE sets look constructed from balsa wood and inept paint jobs. Solo wears an 11 badge and Illya wears a 2 for some reason. Illya’s Russian accent goes in and out and in a lot of scenes is non-existent. Solo strolls around an obvious backlot. This was okay.
There is no intense connection between Solo and Illya. An irritating woman overacts. J Edgar Hoover hated this show apparently. I’ve repelled fascination for how incompatible this is with season 1; all the noir elements are gone. Human chess is played and the communicators are pens now. There is a death trap cliff-hanger.
“What do you think of the human condition, Mr Kuryakin?”
“I’m in favour of it.”
“I will forgive you.”
Alexander The Greater Affair, part 2
There are quibbles over Solo’s spending. Solo makes an improbable escape. Alexander talks in an endless creepy monotones and plans infinite degradation. There are brutish baddies and bad things happen to Illya. There is an ass pull resolution and Solo mimes a freefall. There is death and this was okay.
“Get my travelling crutch.”
“The trick is not to inhale.”
“I would let you exist without me?”
The Ultimate Computer Affair
Illya is undercover strumming a guitar and singing. Solo acts like a pervert. Illya ends up in a South American penal colony. An evil old man, his evil nurses and the prison captain (Roger C. Carmel aka Harry Mudd) cavort. They guard a HUGE computer for Thrush. The captain is onto Illya. A human rights woman (Judy Carne) is pressganged by Solo into helping him. Solo pretends to be her husband. Solo is tied up, Illya pretends to be tough and smoke a cigarette the wrong way around and there is a twist. This was okay and people sport Thrush berets.
“She’s been crying all over my carpet.”
The Foxes And Hounds Affair
I’ve seen this before
. A gimcrack stage musician invents a gimcrack mind-reading machine which was never mentioned again. There is subtext and it is stated that Illya is from Kiev. The baddie du jour is Vincent Price. Solo is an idiot, there is a stereotypical Irish cop and Thrush plot. Shouldn’t there be public disquiet that Thrush knows so much about UNCLE HQ? Illya and Solo are tied up and drugged. There is sexism and a deadly hanky. This was okay but the campy irreverent tone and Solo showing off his virile superiority annoy.
“Rather intent on killing us.”
“You’re boring to me.”
“You pompous facelifted boulevardier!”
“I’m not horrible like them!”
“Without the bargaining power to get you out again.”
“Him? What do you need him for?”
Pilot, part 2
In this terrible terrible terrible ep: Hawkman seems to be dead, there is stabbing and declarations of love and uncharismatic people yelling bad dialogue in cheap suits. There was no intellect just moral flaws and this was infuriatingly horrible. Damien is in 1975 for some reason. Rip Hunter yells about neo-fascists. Palmer loses some technology. Rip Hunter yells more and has ulterior motives. This has not improved considerably from 1x01.
Stein meets his hipcat younger self. Hawkman and Hawkgirl are flaccid. This is a poorly disguised effort. Alpha particles are babbled about. Ray annoys and is completely devoid of charisma. This was deleterious. Sara acts like a bimbo. Stein calls himself Elon Musk. There is joyless acting and mumbling. Hawkgirl’s teeth stick out and Hawkman acts rapey. There is a ’Prison Break’ homage. This is a completely useless show and their own personal eternity bores. There is bad stunt work, Vandal Savage slurs his lines and Stein suddenly cares about the wife he ditched. How does Savage get around the planet so fast - does he have frequent flier miles or what?
“What are you complaining about now?”
“I’m no-one’s lapdog birdman.”
“Unwilling to believe that you’re my future.”
“I remember I just don’t care.”
“Stop yelling at yourself!”
“Can I burn some stuff now?”
“People actually wore this crap?”
“Trigger a system default.”