epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Legends Of Tomorrow (2016 - ?) 1x01 + Once Upon A Time 5x01 Reviewed

Pilot, part 1
Nobody makes a Tardis joke in this ‘Arrow/Flash’ spin-off. Rip Hunter shows up to unite some people to stop Vandal Savage or so he claims. The CGI looks like a computer game from a decade okay. A professor dies. Hawkgirl’s teeth are exploding out of her mouth. Vandal Savage is feculent and burningly ambitious. We are shown flashbacks we’ve already seen. Things are hyper-stylised. Hawkman is blank. Hawkgirl can’t act. Gideon is on Rip Hunter’s ship and her voice has changed. Jackson can’t act. Chronos a temporal bounty hunter chases after them.

Hunter does stuff and is a rogue Time Master. Where were the Council Of Time Masters during ‘The Flash’? There is mumbling about the temporal zone. Rip Hunter has intellectual sniffiness. Sara’s White Canary outfit looks grubby. The ship is called Waverider. Rip Hunter is a liar. There are different ideologies and moral cowardice. I genuinely despise half the cast, their bad hair and the passive dictates of TPTB.

There is bizarre line delivery. I don’t instinctively like this. Vandal Savage and his receding hairline has a nuke. If Savage is Egyptian why does he have the wrong accent? What are Savage’s motives? Men out-source their emotional labour to women. Rip (Arthur Darvill of ‘Doctor Who’ and ‘Broadchurch’) annoys. Why is Casper Crump a guest star? The Waverider is gimcrack, the title card is silly and the Atom chats to the Arrow in a whiff of compromise.

Sara throws a shot glass, Firestorm bores and nobody notices the cosplay looking weirdoes wandering around. Captain Cold and Heat Wave growl and I’m not neophobic but this was merely okay. I will give it a further chance. Nobody is highly articulate and people make a conscious decision to be heroes. Hawkman needs to go away. Can they stop the bleak hellscape that Vandal Savage will create in 2166? Sara and Laurel chat and why do they bring no luggage?

Best Lines:
“Hey, haircut.”

“Go get weird in the 70s.”

“I can live with that.”

“Time wants to happen.”

“I like killing people.”

“Another more terrible despot.”

“Also formerly dead.”

“Why did we become criminals?”
“Because we hate working.”

“I ain’t judging.”

“He doesn’t look all that grateful.”

The Dark Swan
TPTB bring in ‘Brave’. This show is still complete ineptitude and incompleteness. Emma is bad oh boo. It is jarring how bad this show is now. Nobody expresses real emotion and this was dull emptiness. How was this renewed for a 6th season?
Tags: legends of tomorrow, once upon a time

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