epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Review: Unhallowed Ground (2015)

This has a nugget of a good idea but is just crap, it‘s down there with other crap UK horror like ‘LD50‘, ‘Out of Bounds‘ and ‘The Cutting Room‘. Thomas Law of ‘The World’s End’, Morgane Polanski and Will Thorp star. There is a bizarre prologue set in 1665, then it is the present day at a posh school where 6 students are in a cadet programme. Two idiot burglars (Thorp among them) plan to rob the school. The 6 cadets with their bad haircuts prance around enduring jump scares, wooden acting, mumbled talk and obvious ADR.

Head boy Daniel (Law) bores, Sophie (Polanski) looks like a 30somehting French hooker and there are no new forms of malevolence or masterful melancholy or behavioural standards. This was just trivial and impertinent, everyone needs anti-mad tablets and the DVD art bears no resemblance to the plot.

There is no interactivity, a blonde seems to be wearing a drag queen’s wig, there is inherent narrative unreliability, people blather on about a hoard, this film has an insistence on being horrid and leaves you deadened. A boy talks to himself, someone dies, this was fun-eluding and unhappiness should not be mistaken for depth. There is no youthful exuberance, the aggressively evil baddie’s plot makes no sense and there are no social standards just arrogance and prurience.

This has no inherent value, the surly withdrawn ones can’t be trusted and baddies like to express their inner torment in moments of sudden cinematic violence. This had no charm or candour and the twist is dumb. There is CGI fire, no narrative logic and this was just TERRIBLE.

Best Lines:
“The plague doctor has been sighted.”

“I’ve had enough of this!”

“Call forth the dark lord.”

“Damnation awaits you.”

“You will burn for all eternity.”
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