epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: Wrath of the Titans + The Net

Wrath Of The Titans (2013)
No daft expectations, a seriously rough looking hero and this attention getting hyperbolic circus was still crap. Why do ancient Greeks dress like Romans? Why don’t the Greeks know who their gods are? This was cartoonish with sledge-hammer lines, Rosamund Pike, babbling about gods weapons and Cronos. The hero’s love interest from the first film is nowhere to be seen and this was inert and laboured and about winning something. This was slightly ponderous and self regarding. It was pompous and portentous and not a weighty work of significance. The gods are monolithically evil.

This was not brilliant and inventive just stumbling, long-winded and self-important. There a Cyclopes, a trident and plenty of killing but precious little emotional content. Hades and Zeus have ratty wigs and glue on beards. This isn’t evenly wildly hyperbolic as the hero defines himself in angry opposition to his dad like any similarly troubled teen with un-eloquent rage and un-unique fury.

There is a robot owl, naggy nasal and neurotic characters with no biting anger or wit and a rather ungodly god of the forge. Also there is a labyrinth, slamming bluntness and Danny Huston is in here somewhere. This was a proven audience repellent full of pointless diversions and processed cheese that is laughably banal. The hero gets a son, save us from a 3rd one.

Best Lines:
“Now I know now it was a mistake! People forget!”

“Your daddy became drunk on power!”

“You designed Tartarus.”

“I built it from the outside in.”

The Net (1995)
Sandra Bullock and Jeremy Northam star in this preposterous scenario that is all congenial blandness and has no twisted intrigue. This was stifling and made into a failed TV show.
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