epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

4 Movie Reviews

Timescape aka Grand Tour: Disaster In Time (1992)
This dull badly acted film stars Jeff Daniels as a man whose wife died in ridiculous fashion. So he and his daughter (Ariana Richards) renovate a guest house. Weird guests move in and they are time travellers who go on disaster tours and are waiting for a disaster to hit this town with detached fascination.

Oz: The Great and Powerful (2013)
James Franco is the Wizard in this prequel. Glinda and her tacky crown lurks and kisses the oily wizard. Two wicked sisters show off various outfits. There are wacky sidekicks and nightmarish transformations. James Franco’s wizard causes all the problems and combative individuals. The Emerald City looks cheap. This was dumb and derivative with clunky CGI. Why does a land with no Christian tradition have church bells? Why are Glinda’s outfits so fugly? How is James Franco’s hair oil holding up?

Best Lines:
“Curse you and your pretty little face!”

“Oh sister, you’re hideous.”

“Oh dear.”

“You happened to me.”

“They will come back.”

“I don’t want that.”

“Now everyone will see you as you truly are.”


Telstar: The Joe Meek Story (2008)
This UK film stars luvvie comedians and Kevin Spacey with an English accent. It tells the tale of a UK record producer who tantrums, assaults people, makes music and throws the Beatles demo in the bin. This was unwatchable.

Best Line:
“Does that include being attacked with a pair of scissors and thrown down a flight of stairs?”

Behind The Candelabra (2013)
A tale of Liberace and his younger lover Scott (Matt Damon). How much of this is true is debatable. Trashy Scott is drawn into Liberace’s world of glitter, bling and rhinestones. People act like the scum of the streets and forget to be nice. This film isn’t worth my spit. Liberace has a hairpiece, Scott wears overly tight swimwear and there is sex and selfishness. Rob Lowe looks grotesque as a plastic surgeon. Nobody is deeply moral. Scott is a doom cookie. There are drugs, bitterness, enmity and a demand for severance pay. No good thing ever dies and this wasn’t good. Scott and Liberace weren’t optimum mates and this was unrealistic and ends with death and tack.

Best Lines:
“Eight beats to the bar.”

“He’s ruining me!”

“These are actual Roman columns.”

“In and out of places.”

“This request is unseemly.”

“My talent comes from God.”
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