‘The H8teful Eight’ TV spot
Mint humbug dairy free goodness - okay.
Hot port - okay.
Goat’s Cheese pearls - good.
Gluten free gravy - not so hot.
Gluten free stuffing - got a little burnt.
Gluten free Christmas pudding - excellent.
Brandy Cream - yum.
Wild Raspberry chocolate - good.
Amber Heaven body lotion with sandalwood and patchouli smells okay.
Dear relative: stop buying excessive pickled onions and mince pies. Get out of the kitchen and stop getting crumbs on the carpet. Why wouldn’t you get off your ipad on Christmas day? Also stop blaring carols on the radio so loudly and we are not “the staff”. You won’t help change a light bulb, are selfish, bought the wrong kinds of light bulbs and are lazy, stupid and ungrateful. Also I don’t want to go on skype, leave me alone.
‘Days of Our Lives’ Quote:
“Maybe we can live like normal people.”
‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“You BBC bastards!”
“An indefinite purgatory.”
“Cold, calculated and unhelpful.”
‘The Irish Times’ Quote:
“Prevent foxy foraging.”
“You think the law is a suggestion.”