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5 TV Reviews

The Flash 1x09

Running To Stand Still
Fake Wells was the breakout character of season 1. Joe whines about wanting a son as though his daughter isn’t good enough. You get the feeling the actor demanded the storyline to show off his ACTINGS. Why is Barry making out with Patty after she shot Harry? The colours are washed out as though lightness and joy has been sapped from the world. Iris is on a repeating cycle of misery.

Jay’s back. Harry has recovered from being shot very fast. The Weather Wizard is back and frees Captain Cold and the Trickster (Mark Hamill). Where is Trickster Jnr? Where is Henry? Barry is an unmitigated jackass; he must get it from his father. Patty has bad interpersonal dynamics. There is no insightful dialogue, people shrug off unsavoury and scandalous matters and I don’t care. I really don’t care about Joe’s repressed emotional state, his emotional absence and mournful mediations.

Harry looks moody and is intense. No-one notices Zoom menacing Harry. There is no emotional healing. Joe behaves in an utterly unacceptable manner. Zoom isn’t exactly the dread of dreads. This episode had no weighty theme or resonant story. Barry creates constant conflict. Joe whines about his son Wally, I’m sure Wally grew up perfectly fine. Joe is a sexist.

The Trickster has an uproarious sense of fun. Patty needs a slap. The STAR Labs lot are morons. This was acerebral and near-uniformly terrible. Since when does STAR Labs have a drone hanger? Joe gives Barry his family watch. Gross. Barry whines to Harry who can’t hear him. Shut up. Wally shows up and Zoom menaces Harry more.

Best Lines:
“What says togetherness more than mass graves?”

“I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“A 20-year lie.”

“Since when can he fly?”

“Time for a real war on Christmas.”

“How much I hate you.”

Blindspot 1x04

Bone May Rot
Jane Doe is Taylor Shaw or is she? The FBI look into the CDC. Jane has UV face tattoos. The blonde one annoys, Mayfair lays down the law and CDC vials are stolen. It’s like ‘The Burning Zone’ without any innate tension or dread. This was ludicrous. Kurt talks about Taylor. Nothing in the plot makes any sense. I don’t care about Jane, Kurt or his hardy band. There are no contemplative characters. Blondie has a boyfriend, the snippy one has gambling issues and there is wooden acting and a reveal.

Best Lines:
“I catch bad guys for a living right? The last two dudes you dated scared me.”

“She was trying to get out of the hot zone.”

“It’s four o’clock. Nothing happened.”

“This is very not good.”

“Diseases that should never be cured.”

Arrow 4x09

Dark Waters
Oliver is an ass as he takes on HIVE which backfires. Diggle annoys as he overacts. Everyone inexplicably loves Felicity. There is no bittersweet melancholy, Oliver is just dumb. Felicity is pathologically perky and tension does no count. There are more useless island flashbacks.

Malcolm doesn’t even seem to recall Tommy. Instead he babbles about universal forces. Curtis bores. This was not entertaining. Felicity whines. Why has O/F taken over this show? Damien shows up to be ineffable. Quentin learns Malcolm is alive and has zero reaction to the mass murderer.

Things get spectacularly tasteless. Felicity won’t shut up. Malcolm wears the Green Arrow outfit. There is lots of fighting. What is Damien up to? And does anybody care? Oliver proposes and Felicity gets shot.

Best Lines:
“You love having minions.”

“You’ve got your bondage outfit on.”

“These guys don’t stay dead.”

The Man From UNCLE 1x18&1x19

The Mad, Mad, Tea Party Affair
Solo and Illya duck and cover. There is a closet summit in UNCLE HQ. THRUSH has a mole in UNCLE. Lee Meriwether pops up as a THRUSH lackey with a plot. The innocent of the week is gorked out and annoying. Every baddie seems to know where UNCLE’s HQ is. The mole sneers and is obviously bad. There is BAD acting and truly annoying guest stars. This was all ineffectiveness with a twist. This ep was really annoying. The ‘bomb’ is ridiculous. Solo calls Illya “IK”. Illya broods.

Best Lines:
“It’s big enough.”

“The table goes boom.”

“Then I better go and snarl at her.”

“We’ve been at the mercy of the utility companies all this time.”

The Secret Sceptre Affair
Solo and Illya parachute into the Middle East. Solo is there to help his former commanding officer Colonel Morgan. Solo was in Korea. Zia is a solider. UNCLE has sleep darts. Morgan plans a coup against the leader of the country. A sceptre is important. Plans go awry and Illya is captured. The leader’s vile mother plots. Solo goes to save Illya and goes all controlled menace to a democratically elected leader to get Illya back. Things go awry again and Solo, Illya and Zia face being fed to an obviously stuffed bear. There is a rescue and an inevitable betrayal. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“You have something that belongs to me. A friend of mine.”

“If he’s dead. So are you.”

“Choking on democracy.”
Tags: arrow, blindspot, flash, man from uncle

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