The Finny Foot Affair
Illya and Solo wander around in isolation gear. Illya is enigmatically remote. Solo stares. There is a crate of something. UNCLE has a poor grasp of isolation protocol. Illya gets shot. There are odd ‘UK’ accents. Illya has to recuperate and Solo heads off by himself. An annoying kid (Kurt Russell) follows him and Solo is unappreciative of his child stalker.
The kid has a rigid policy of being annoying. This episode was unsustainable and had no forbearance. It was also unpalatable and not a potent mix, it was just stilted and ludicrous. Tura Satana shows up as a minion and this was anodyne and hardly worth talking about.
“I owe it all to clean living.”
“I tend to yell a great deal and reveal absolutely nothing.”
The Neptune Affair
Illya is seen in his Soviet Navy uniform as the USSR is menaced by what looks like bubble bath. Illya says subtle and illuminating things in a compelling account. Illya is angry and Solo heads off alone. Solo behaves in a socially unacceptable manner and is hypnotised. This was not spare, evocative or honest. Solo puts on a hick accent and hangs out with a non-essential woman. Solo and the baddies have mutual contempt. There is bad ADR and no self-exculpatory flair just obstreperousness.
“Involuntarily and bitterly retired.”
The Dove Affair
Solo pulls stuff in the Balkans without Illya as Satine (Ricardo Montalban) chases him. There is plotting, dubious unknown motives, smoke and smog. An ugly American teacher and her students traipse around and annoy. Satine does ill-defined services. This has a dramatic nature and cultural irredentism. This was written by Robert Towne. There are engravings, a walkie talkie, a fight in a lavatory and this was good.
The King of Knaves Affair
The duo is in Rome. The initial of their surname is embossed on their guns. You can see that Illya’s gun says K. There is a mention of Rhodesia. Solo is like a polecat on heat and dances like an idiot. Solo is menaced and this was artsy but accessible. Illya has amorality and Solo is in peril. A nutter and his vassals plot and pressgang Solo. The UNCLE cavalry save the day. This was okay.
“There is no subtlety about him.”
“Mouth shut. On your feet.”
“Terror tactics drill.”
“Your people don’t want you. They drove you out.”
“A morass of scandal and shame.”