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10 TV Reviews

The Flash 2x08

Legends Of Today
Yet another crossover fails to deliver. Vandal Savage comes to town and bores everyone. Who is Vandal Savage (Casper Crump) talking to when he mutters? Savage mutters and looks like he needs a diet. Cisco and Kendra bore. Savage has a lifelong obsession with Kendra as well as a receding hairline and bad diction. Cisco calls him “Highlander” and Kendra learns Barry’s secret identity.

Barry asks Oliver for help as he is inept. Vandal Savage does un-altruistic gloating. Damien acts like he is coked up. Where is Laurel? Felicity is a liability with her moronic babbling and coquettish behaviour. The plot is utterly inconsistent. Women are commodities. Oliver, Patty and Joe are completely horrible people. The mediocrity is unalleviated. The brand metamorphosis for ‘Legends of Tomorrow’ does not create heightened zeal.

This episode does not reach a higher artistic plane. Why is Cisco such a tool? Vandal Savage does knife fu and waves a fan. Oliver will not shut up and can’t talk in a nicely modulated way. Malcolm Merlyn shows up. Where is Nyssa? Jay shows up to annoy and bore. We learn Vandal Savage is immortal in a carelessly revealed moment. Patty annoys. Carter Hall shows up and reveals Kendra is under duress from a curse projected down generations. Where did Carter Hall come from?

Why is this all so very stupid and inept? Kendra has no agency. Oliver and co are not unalloyed good. Snow influences decision making. Patty shoots Wells because she is a dim bulb. This is an un-ignorable reminder that she is useless. Vandal Savage wields the Staff of Horus. Why can’t Malcolm use a door? Why is the mass murderer allowed to roam free? Carter Hall is a taciturn loser.
Kendra sprouts wings as Hawkgirl. Where do they go when she isn’t flying? There is no theatrical otherworldly production design. It just looks like Canada at night and idiots in silly outfits. Why is Jay such a void? Oliver meets his babymama and son. Think of all the back child support he owes.

Best Lines:
“Quite boring.”

“I’ll make your death fast.”

“That’s Coptic.”

“Don’t you get cold?”

“Don’t move!”
“Then how will I kill you all?”

“I need you to live!”

“I just find them boring.”

~
Arrow 4x08

Legends of Yesterday
There are flashbacks to ‘Egypt’ where Kendra, Carter and Vandal Savage were all idiots. Kendra was a dreadful dollybird, Carter had a silly compliant wink and Savage was a nut who had major overreactions to things and no sense of perspective. Nothing has changed in the intervening years.

Laurel shows up. Wells being SHOT is not mentioned. Oliver preserves his own self interest. Malcolm arranges things. Why is he still not dead? Savage strides around in a long coat looking like a flasher. Flash and Oliver scrabble. This episode aroused no breathless interest. Malcolm still doesn’t care that Tommy is dead. Carter is a sumptuous ass. A Betamax tape is produced and Felicity plays it by apparently slotting it into her laptop.

The sacrosanct sphere of privacy means nothing. Who does Felicity think she is? Oliver needs emotional protection from Felicity and her drama. Nobody acts in a nicely modulated way. Kendra gets into a stupid costume which includes makeup on her cleavage. Savage kills everybody so the Flash runs back in time, again.

There was too much romance crap and Malcolm being a moron in this ep. Vandal Savage looks like Borias from ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’. Nth metal is babbled about, Barry steals and this was majorly underwhelming. Oliver is an avowed ass. Nobody has a tacit understanding of sense. Oliver hangs out with his son William and his Captain Cold action figure.

Best Lines:
“Portents of dissatisfaction.”

“Celestial rocks.”

“The sky rocks.”

“Dark times are coming.”

“Reincarnated nut jobs.”

“We’ll both probably die. Again.”

“He will be the death of the world.”

“Mr Aggro.”

“My hate will be everlasting.”

~
Tripped 1x01
This E4 ‘comedy’ is a rip-off of ‘Sliders’ and centres on a vile, horribly selfish junkie and his put-upon BFF being chased by sword wielding nutters through alternate realities. This was monolithically horrible due to the blandly horrible junkie and his dead eyed putdowns of sense.

~
Blindspot 1x03

Eight Slim Grins
Jane and weirdbeard fight. Then weirdbeard gets shot a lot. Also a robbery goes ever so awry and the mystery of Jane’s real identity may be solved. Jane doesn’t want the approval of strangers she doesn’t trust. There is a tattoo clue, Jane feels uncomfortable and resistant to being an observer. She has no general contentment with the FBI. There is no accordance just bad acting. This was not a radiant ep. Mayfair is hiding something. A hospital is attacked. People mumble and there is a DNA reveal. Meanwhile Mayfair babbles about Daylight.

Best Lines:
“They got over-confident.”

“Utter amorality and inherent violence.”

“I didn’t hear that.”

“This insane treasure map.”

~
Strumpet City (1980)
A miserable miniseries about misery in Dublin from 1903 until 1914.

~
Rose Red (2002)
An inept three part miniseries by Stephen King. Nancy Travis, Julian Sands, Emily Deschanel and Melanie Lynskey investigate a hunted house full of creepy architecture, dead people, psychic powers and yet is all so dull.

~
Supergirl 1x07

Human For A Day
Kara is drained and needs restorative time. An alien that looks like a Soul Hunter rants. An earthquake hits and Maxwell Lord pontificates. The population is frightened. Supergirl has no cosmic efficiency to give and so Lord dissembles. Lord did med school in a year and is an arse with impunity. Kara whines. Hank yells. Alex assails sense. Kara and her complex hair is ranted at by Winn. Alex doesn’t have sufficient understanding. Hank has secrets which he reveals. Astra finally shows up. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Sole survivor of a lost world.”

“I didn’t say I was excited about it.”

“Hostile is loose!”

“That bloviating narcissist!”

“This isn’t the first time he’s been the sole survivor of a botched operation.”

“Mundane and small things.”

“The last son of Mars.”

~
Reign 2x21

The Siege
Francis whines, Mary was the war mongering one in real life and bore all responsibility for everything. Francis has curled lip distain for her Mary and her indency. Kenna acts like the inbred cultural values of her time do not exist and she has disengagement from real life. Claude wanders in the street which a daughter of France would not do. Bash has a new woman. Louis’ coup goes on.

Narcisse is Catherine’s kept man. Francis and Lola coo over their bastard child in front of Mary. Kenna’s latest slampiece changes sides a lot. There is a battle and Catherine serves Narcisse his precious horse. Catherine is a crazy woman. Conde is unctuous and confiscatory. Francis is co-responsible for this revolt that never happened in reality. Magic is performed and Mary makes claims. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Everything we surveyed was ours.”

“Destiny can feel like a burden.”

“This is love to you?”

“There can’t be two kings.”

“You’re speaking pagan.”

~
The Man From UNCLE 1x08&1x09

The Double Affair
TPTB do away with the fourth wall breaking intro with this episode thank god. Robots try to kill Illya because THRUSH has created a double of Solo with magic cosmetic surgery. Meanwhile in a sleazy bar Solo gives sleazy looks to his woman du jour. This gets him abducted by THRUSH and replaced with his double. Illya and everyone else fail to notice.

Fake Solo and Illya are sent on a mission involving a briefcase and a weapon in a vault. Fake Solo is bothered by a stewardess. Real Solo is kept alive and in chains, it doesn’t impede him from being horny. In the vault is a weapon built to fight aliens. Interesting. Fake Solo kills someone, nobody notices.

The stewardess hangs around to annoy. Real Solo escapes on a motorbike and the footage is obviously sped up. This was good and proves that Solo will make out with anything.

Best Lines:
“THRUSH? What’s that?”

“You can’t save a man who no longer exists.”

“Push him off a cliff.”

“My story is the only story.”

~
The Project Strigas Affair
This is a rather famous ep because it guest stars William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy before both were cast on ‘Star Trek’. UNCLE interferes in the affairs of a sovereign nation because Waverly wants an ambassador disgraced. The ambassador is a blowhard with an idiot aide (Nimoy). There is bad ADR. An MIT graduate (Shatner) is drafted to help in a scheme to discredit the ambassador. Shatner overacts and shows off his quiff.

Illya crawls around on the floor. This was funny. Illya wears a disguise. Things go awry and this was very good. Illya fakes death and menaces. The ending is very amusing.

Best Lines:
“No, you’re stupid.”

“Some other ridiculous capitalistic product.”

“Cigar store coupons.”

“We all know the price of failure.”

“Must you qualify your requests?”
Tags: arrow, blindspot, flash, legends of tomorrow, man from uncle, reign, review, star trek, supergirl
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