Legends Of Today
Barry asks Oliver for help as he is inept. Vandal Savage does un-altruistic gloating. Damien acts like he is coked up. Where is Laurel? Felicity is a liability with her moronic babbling and coquettish behaviour. The plot is utterly inconsistent. Women are commodities. Oliver, Patty and Joe are completely horrible people. The mediocrity is unalleviated. The brand metamorphosis for ‘Legends of Tomorrow’ does not create heightened zeal.
This episode does not reach a higher artistic plane. Why is Cisco such a tool? Vandal Savage does knife fu and waves a fan. Oliver will not shut up and can’t talk in a nicely modulated way. Malcolm Merlyn shows up. Where is Nyssa? Jay shows up to annoy and bore. We learn Vandal Savage is immortal in a carelessly revealed moment. Patty annoys. Carter Hall shows up and reveals Kendra is under duress from a curse projected down generations. Where did Carter Hall come from?
Why is this all so very stupid and inept? Kendra has no agency. Oliver and co are not unalloyed good. Snow influences decision making. Patty shoots Wells because she is a dim bulb. This is an un-ignorable reminder that she is useless. Vandal Savage wields the Staff of Horus. Why can’t Malcolm use a door? Why is the mass murderer allowed to roam free? Carter Hall is a taciturn loser.
“I’ll make your death fast.”
“Don’t you get cold?”
“I need you to live!”
“I just find them boring.”
Legends of Yesterday
Laurel shows up. Wells being SHOT is not mentioned. Oliver preserves his own self interest. Malcolm arranges things. Why is he still not dead? Savage strides around in a long coat looking like a flasher. Flash and Oliver scrabble. This episode aroused no breathless interest. Malcolm still doesn’t care that Tommy is dead. Carter is a sumptuous ass. A Betamax tape is produced and Felicity plays it by apparently slotting it into her laptop.
The sacrosanct sphere of privacy means nothing. Who does Felicity think she is? Oliver needs emotional protection from Felicity and her drama. Nobody acts in a nicely modulated way. Kendra gets into a stupid costume which includes makeup on her cleavage. Savage kills everybody so the Flash runs back in time, again.
There was too much romance crap and Malcolm being a moron in this ep. Vandal Savage looks like Borias from ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’. Nth metal is babbled about, Barry steals and this was majorly underwhelming. Oliver is an avowed ass. Nobody has a tacit understanding of sense. Oliver hangs out with his son William and his Captain Cold action figure.
“The sky rocks.”
“Dark times are coming.”
“Reincarnated nut jobs.”
“We’ll both probably die. Again.”
“He will be the death of the world.”
“My hate will be everlasting.”
Eight Slim Grins
“Utter amorality and inherent violence.”
“I didn’t hear that.”
“This insane treasure map.”
Human For A Day
“I didn’t say I was excited about it.”
“Hostile is loose!”
“That bloviating narcissist!”
“This isn’t the first time he’s been the sole survivor of a botched operation.”
“Mundane and small things.”
“The last son of Mars.”
Narcisse is Catherine’s kept man. Francis and Lola coo over their bastard child in front of Mary. Kenna’s latest slampiece changes sides a lot. There is a battle and Catherine serves Narcisse his precious horse. Catherine is a crazy woman. Conde is unctuous and confiscatory. Francis is co-responsible for this revolt that never happened in reality. Magic is performed and Mary makes claims. This was okay.
“Destiny can feel like a burden.”
“This is love to you?”
“There can’t be two kings.”
“You’re speaking pagan.”
The Double Affair
Fake Solo and Illya are sent on a mission involving a briefcase and a weapon in a vault. Fake Solo is bothered by a stewardess. Real Solo is kept alive and in chains, it doesn’t impede him from being horny. In the vault is a weapon built to fight aliens. Interesting. Fake Solo kills someone, nobody notices.
The stewardess hangs around to annoy. Real Solo escapes on a motorbike and the footage is obviously sped up. This was good and proves that Solo will make out with anything.
“You can’t save a man who no longer exists.”
“Push him off a cliff.”
“My story is the only story.”
Illya crawls around on the floor. This was funny. Illya wears a disguise. Things go awry and this was very good. Illya fakes death and menaces. The ending is very amusing.
“Some other ridiculous capitalistic product.”
“Cigar store coupons.”
“We all know the price of failure.”
“Must you qualify your requests?”