epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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5 TV Reviews

Scream Queens 1x07

Beware Of Young Girls
Chanel 2’s parents hated her so Chanel throws her a ‘Heathers’ like funeral. Chanel has no emotional nature. She and 3,5 and 6 have a séance. Nobody cares about the horrifying primal violence. Gigi plots revenge, doesn’t understand modern mores and is taught how not to dress like Brenda Walsh. TPTB have made some operational improvements and this was okay. Chad is not brilliantly abhorrent. Chanel spews monologues of bile. Pete and Grace investigate. There is plotting, Chanel 2 reaches out from beyond the grave, Pete is dim, a cop is stupid and the Dean is wicked. Things turn out to be simply untrue and this was funny.

Best Lines:
“Didn’t you see the movie?”
“The movie ‘Ouija’? No. No one did!”

“Go kill some people!”

“Like a bunch of hobos.”

“Dumb dead whore.”

Person Of Interest 4x08

Point Of Origin
Reese is at the police academy. A cadet is a touch over-excitable. Reese’s shrink is a hollow-eyed bore. Disreputable cadets are case studies for personality disorders. The annoying hitwoman is a former investigator for The Hague. She is a floridly drawn noisy egoist not a hideous menace. The shrink is ignoriat. What is this show’s Herculean ambition?

There are twists. Will the shrink piss off? It’s all about IA, Dominic and Elias the rubbish gangster. This started out well but turned into frivolity and a culture of shame. This was a sad and shameful episode with no beguiling emotional aesthetic. There was mumbling and no reconciliatory ending. Dominic rants, Bear is scuba certified and there is a swimming pool escape. This had no raw-element immersion.

Best Lines:
“Start pulling.”

“The people they wrong.”

“Curb searches.”

“My school didn’t have bullies.”

“I don’t know nothing about no murder!”

Agents of SHIELD 3x08

Many Heads, One Tale
The defining fact of this show is that it is a disappointment. I don’t care about May’s ex or Coulson inexplicably boffing some retro-couture bimbo. Ward hangs out with some gouty genius with a silly name (Powers Boothe). Ward has lifestyle victimhood and no scruples. This show has no sordid glamour just fights and lowlife imagery.

Ward has strange ambition. Why am I watching this? Coulson is a moron. Fitz is contrariwise and May is nasty enough. Coulson and Daisy spew windy platitudes. Lincoln is in unintelligible scenes. My expectations were in the basement for this ep and they were met. Coulson is a reputation-tainting liability. The ATCU and the bimbo bore. Ward has no disinhibitions and is cold, unflinching and ruthless. Mockingbird waves her stupid batons at an ATCU agent (Mark Dascascos) who doesn’t speak.

This was full of errors, incoherencies and unintended consequences. This was an empty gurning indulgence and Coulson delivers all his lines with liturgical portentousness. The bimbo is wearying and Coulson has patronising zeal. This show has gone irreversibly downhill. There is a World Council mention and Coulson espouses company values. Somehow no-one at the ATCY recognises Hunter and Mockingbird.

NASA did a blood sacrifice. Ward does a ‘24’ rip-off and Simmons does in-house bitching. The official narrative of Hydra comes out. Simmons is dumb and Coulson clings desperately to SHIELD traditions, even the worst ones. Hunter can’t type. The acting is terrible. Fitz is unflinchingly awful and affronted. I don’t care about Fitz/Simmons. Andrew (Blair Underwood) is in a box and then may be dead due to Ward’s disruptive enterprises. Andrew was not self-abregating. There were no contradictions or moral complexities. SHIELD are achingly liberal yet feel they have a right to lock people up. Coulson thinks this is acceptable. Will he die? Red Skull is dismissed, an Inhuman is worshipped and this was crap.

Best Lines:
“Giving me the hate stare.”

“Cut the melodrama.”

“Enhanced specimen control.”

“Spy crap manipulation.”

“Some duplicitous nutcase.”

“Pagan devil myths.”

“Yeah, I let him pick it.”

“Hero man.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“You cut through them like cake.”

“We’re much older than that.”

“For a hundred generations.”

The Man From U.N.C.L.E 1x06&1x07

The Green Opal Affair
Stuff happens at UNCLE HQ. Illya reacts with solemn unreadability. Solo has ribald raconteurism. Then he goes undercover as a secretary. He looks like Colin Firth in ‘Kingsman’ and acts like Christopher Reeve playing Clark Kent. A financier (Carroll O’Connor) acts crazy. An annoying innocent who has deep ignorance and makes quixotic sounds annoys and has flat effect acting. Sometimes you wonder how this show won such valedictory audience love with untalented guest stars and such gender essentialism. This episode was not vivacious. The baddies aren’t as stupid as Solo thinks.

There is a mention of Teddy boys. The crazy man has a ridiculous brainwashing plot. This episode was not an acute psychological study. Solo is seen as Waverly’s successor but he wasn’t. Someone gets fed to the sharks. What sort of family does Solo come from? This was catastrophically bad.

Best Lines:
“Mental crack-up?”
“Or blackmail?”
“Or both?”

“What about women? Are you a chaser?”

“You’re bluffing.”
“Try me.”
“I think I’ll call it.”

The Giuoco Piano Affair
There is bad acting as Marion (Jill Ireland) reunites with the duo. Illya acts in an understated manner and at one point actually smiles. Marion can’t act, shrieks and is used as bait for the evil woman (Anne Francis). The evil woman plots, wears an enormous hat and dresses like Scarlett O’Hara at one point. Solo calls Illya his white knight. Marion’s expression is mostly set to blank. Solo is wearying. Why is Illya inexplicably sequestered off-screen? There are extremely obvious stunt doubles and one is obviously a man in a dress and an ill-fitting polyester wig. This was okay despite being not pertinent. A less tried and trusted traitor gets got and there is an amusing final scene.

Best Lines:
“I joined your enemies again.”

“I’ll flash you.”

“Let’s keep running.”

“Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!”

“Let that thought pass.”

“I call your bluff.”

“You may have to push."
Tags: agents of shield, man from uncle, person of interest, scream queens

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