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6 TV Reviews

MacGyver (1985 - 1992) 5x10

Two Times Trouble
Rock star Roxy (Audrey Landers) does a high camp music video for the Rock Against Drugs campaign which features a drug dealer who dresses like Michael Jackson. She and her squeaky voice can’t act. As the hero, Richard Dean Anderson seems to be phoning it in. But MacGyver is apparently a long time friend of the confrontational Roxy and her identical twin sister Carla. Roxy feuds with her ex-manager who is implicitly violent. Roxy and MacGyver have to free climb out of an elevator shaft due to a malfunction. Is Roxy and her cracked concrete vocals really a big deal in the rock world? This has no emotional commitment but has a camp charm.

Roxy says Carla wants her dead. Carla is a painter. Our hero and his mullet lurk in a phonebox while wearing acid washed denim. He learns Carla was in a nut ward. MacGyver is drawn deeper into the twin’s destructive orbit of anger and frustration. Roxy has utterly deadpan delivery. Someone dies. People blab about the Phoenix Foundation. MacGyver violates medical confidentiality, commits B&E and the ‘twist’ is made obvious. The twist is okay but in retrospect, this episode has no logic.

Why do Roxy and Carla have extreme and unstable personalities? Are people being deliberately misled? If you think about it, this ep falls apart. The manipulative and wrong behaviour should not have been possible. Wouldn’t anyone have noticed?!? Carla cracks up and MacGyver has no understated grim bemusement as he does the big reveal about a tragic death that was forcibly forgotten. Richard Dean Anderson acts the scene with dull surprise.

There is no deliberate attempt to cultivate a sense of menace, the acting is admittedly ropey, someone is back in the nut ward and MacGyver is curt and dismissive of the person who was you know murdered earlier in the episode. Carla has no spectrum of vulnerability for all her unprocessed shock. This was okay high camp made with utter complacency.

Best Lines:
“Getting high is bad news.”

“Sexy looks and toothy smiles.”

“That girl is not the singer she used to be.”

“You see what drugs do to kids.”

“My sister hates me.”

“You and your causes.”

“Dumping her paranoia all over me.”

“She called, to gloat.”

“Don’t you turn against me too.”

“He would fight me to the end.”

“Mental depression.”

“Identical twins don’t have identical fingerprints!”

“She went away, a long time ago.”

“She didn’t sing the way she used to.”

“Not that good.”

“She fell didn’t she Carla? Roxy fell.”

“Swing into the ledge.”

~
In Search Of Ancient Astronauts (1973)
This is a terrible and genuinely hopeless pilot.

~
Brat Farrar (1986) Episode Two
This second part of the miniseries leaves one disengaged. Moving the action from the 40s to the 80s didn’t improve matters. Simon has a very bad attitude and a frosty demeanour and does glares, stares and glances. Brat who is pretending to be Simon’s long lost brother Patrick has no soul or depth.

Simon is an obvious malicious person. Brat does lots of riding. This is not as profound as the book instead we get lots of 80s hair, caked on makeup, ugly clothes and staring. People mutter about Patrick and there is no accurate narration. The very very odd Simon is mad and pathetic. This is not a dark psychological drama. Simon tries for a wintery tone and fails. Brat is lost. No one has presence or dignity. The media oddly have no interest in the returned heir save for one annoying journalist.

Brat fancies his ‘sister’. Simon screams about Brat’s “grubby common hands”. Cod gob Patrick and hog mad Simon are soon to be 21, they look 39! Brat forgets when ‘his’ birthday is. Simon makes it obvious that he knows Brat isn’t Patrick via many snide references. This was listless. Why won’t Simon expose Brat? There is bad acting and this was daytime sedation. Brat wonders why Simon is so sure he isn’t Patrick. This was boring and padded.

Simon is steeped in bitterness and resentments and is annoyed about his dispossession as heir. His murderous intentions are obvious. Brat has a spiralling moral crisis about his fraud. A drying out clinic is mentioned. Leaden faced Brat feels guilty and suspicious about his pointless existence as fake Patrick. This was boring.

Best Lines:
“Rotten little liar.”

“He knows Patrick is dead.”

“You’re in, you’ve made it.”

“That’s what worries me. Why hasn’t he?”

“No, you wouldn’t would you?”

“Bloody race with bumpkins.”

“Euphuism for jobless.”

“You are going to be very sorry you didn’t leave!”

“Wasn’t he the black sheep of the family?”

“Shame I suppose.”

“Keep their safe rides for ladies.”

~
Person Of Interest 4x06

Pretenders
Does everyone have a smartphone? Reese and Shaw continue their colluding. A meek man is actually a morality enforcer. What happened to Finch’s job? Finch is in Hong Kong being bothered by an annoying woman. This was less than compelling. The repellent, scabrous, ruinous dolt fakes being a cop. Reese lurks dressed like the Milk Tray Man. Finch don’t like being subject to criticism or scrutiny. Nothing eerie or audacious happens. Does everyone in NY have mood disorders and social paranoia? Season 4 has an overabundance of filler drivel.

There is no emotional chemistry. Reese’s guttural growling is mocked. This ep was arguably pointless. Elias the rubbish gangster is socially aware. I don’t care about Elias the rubbish gangster’s brutal creed, his breathtaking ham acting and the repetitive situations he gets into. This has no psychological intensity just Elias the rubbish gangster’s petulance, self-absorption and raging sense of entitlement. Reese is uptight and angry. I don’t care about a gang war between Dominic and Elias the rubbish gangster; I’m annoyed about the unjustified screen time they get. Finch plots in whim-ridden fashion. Greer has an inability to create interest. Damn this show has gone to the dogs.

Best Lines:
“500 bitter academics.”

“A pro-actionist.”

“Didn’t die voluntarily.”

“The tag fell off.”

“He was really really scary.”

“When he’s not out mugging people.”

“It’s like a damn Tarantino movie.”

“Don’t play old man.”

“You are not a king.”

~
Scream Queens 1x05

Pumpkin Patch
Chanel is morally challenging, unethical and immoral. Nobody is emotionally mature. Chanel no 5 is tried of appeasing Chanel and her slut drops. This show does not live up to the super cool myth it has created for itself. The opening credits are weird. Chanel’s tyranny of vanity goes on and there are no quiet performances. Chanel is either shouting or mumbling her furious diatribes. Nobody ever calls her on how appalling her behaviour and general sadism is.

Chanel no 6 has circuitous logic and plots with no genuine dramatic flair. Chanel is arrested. Where is Boone? Grace is a curiously irrelevant character. Chanel brings her own brand of cuckoo to jail. It’s mystifying how tragedy is ignored and the characters spend an enormous amount of time in denial. The kidnapped one is in some subterranean setup and then she isn’t. Nobody is socially aware. There is a chase around a maze with undeniably bad acting. This terrible ep didn’t even have accidental hilarity. This was insufferably twee. Gigi acts suspiciously and there are no adverse effects from anything.

Best Lines:
“We just burnt the house down. When the fire-fighters came, they were actually strippers and they put the fire out with champagne.”

“Just wondering where you find a house with a pit.”

“Peeing vodka and Red Bull.”

“There’s the door bitch!”

“So ‘Gone Girl’.”

“I have no idea how you got into this college.”

“Pink fur coats worn in all weather.”

“Husband ants.”

~
The Hitchhiker (1983 - 1991) 1x03

Split Decision
A randy real estate pervert is delighted when he is asked to sell the house of identical twins (Audrey and Judy Landers) who only wear underwear. But then he learns the twins never share, they divide! You can guess what ensues. Good.
Tags: 1980s horror anthologies, brat farrar, person of interest, review, scary 1970s tv, scream queens
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