epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

  • Music:

Supergirl (2015 - ?) 1x01 + Reign 2x15 + Earth 2 (1994 - 1995) 1x22 Reviewed

Pilot
Kara Zor-El narrates how she was sent to protect Kal-El just before their planet blew up. What destroyed Krypton? Why does Kara not seem to mind about the destruction of a race? Kara’s pod ended up in the Phantom Zone for 24 years and then somehow ended up on Earth. The He-Man Superman dumped her with the Danvers family. So she got foster parents (Helen Slater of the 'Supergirl’ movie and Dean Cain of ‘Lois & Clark’) and a vile, walking cow foster sister named Alex. Now Kara works for CatCo run by Cat Grant in National City. Who names these cities?

Kara doesn’t use the cover name Linda like she did in the movie. Jimmy Olsen is now James and is not a nerd. Kara does annoying snorting laughs and is emotionally abused by her haughty non-sister Alex. A plane is in peril like in ‘Superman Returns’ so Kara saves it. Where is Superman when the plane is falling out of the sky? Alex is jealous and thankless. Kara wants to be a hero.

Alex (Chyler Leigh) needs summary resolution. Kara’s man-friend Winn whimpers and is a salacious Nice Guy. Bad guy alien Vartox shows up to annoy. Alex and her boss Hank (David Harewood) work for the DEO. Kara tries on a whoreish superhero outfit and then settles on the version with the crimson ra ra skirt. Alex turns out to have been hiding a message from Kara’s mother Alura all these years. Die Alex die. Cat (Calista Flockhart) does zingers.

Kara puts the El crest on her costume then is nearly killed by sexist alien immigrant hater Hank and Alex. How did Kara’s pod get out of the Phantom Zone? Cat Grant names the hero Supergirl and fails to notice she is Kara. Alex continues being an emotionally abusive gaslighter concern troll. Kara finally sees Alura’s message in which platitudes are spewed.

Alex and Hank need a kicking. Kara makes a cape out of Kal-El’s baby blanket. Everyone save Cat Grant knows who Supergirl really is. A General is mentioned but it is not Zod, it is Alura’s evil identical twin sister Astra. This was okay but had no complexity and Alex needs to go.

Best Lines:
“You may know his story.”

“The trip is long.”

“Earth didn’t need another hero.”

“A human petri dish.”

“Have them reprimanded or bathed.”

“Use the lesser card stock.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Go get me a lettuce wrap.”

“Human casualties are irrelevant.”

“A cape aids with aerodynamics. I should have thought of that.”

“Unless you want to try and stop me. Which I wouldn’t.”

“They don’t fear him.”
“Plenty of people do.”

“The loud colour of your cheap pants.”

“Sister from another planet.”

“A unique nuclear thumbprint.”

“Make sure you win.”

“Up, up and away.”

“Typical of his race.”

~
Forbidden
Francis arranges an engagement between his bastard son and a Hapsburg, isn’t it a bit early for a Hapsburg alliance? Kenna hurls herself at the King of Navarre. Marie de Guise (Amy Brenneman of ‘The Leftovers’) visits and there is much foreshadowing of Mary’s terrible choices to come. Francis and Lola grow close. Francis doesn’t act like a 16th century king. Arsekicker Bash hunts a witch. Kenna has guilnesness. Greer acts like tobacco has already reached Europe at this point which I don’t think it had.

Marie de Guise lets Lola have it. Lola gets high. Bash gets angry. Mary wants Conde. Kenna whines about being judged for her gold digging and emotional adultery. Lola hurls herself at Narcisse. Marie de Guise is dying, which she did of dropsy in real life. Mary is not bereft. Kenna wants to be Queen of Navarre. Greer continues pimping and expands her ho stable. Mary and her numerous moment’s mad impulses and self serving selfishness continues toward her doom. There is no sign of Darnley or Bothwell. Mary wants Conde to be her kept man but so does Elizabeth. This was good.

Best Lines:
“The lawful cycle of rule and succession.”

“A safe haven for our child.”

“Where is your heir?”

“That you can provide.”

“The Protestant lords want you gone.”

“Don’t flaunt your bountiful womb to me.”

“Didn’t hurt or throw mud at her.”

“You know what happens to disposable queens? They are disposed of. Brutally.”

“Nothing particularly nasty asked.”

~
All About Eve
This is the last ever ep. Alonzo is not erudite, charming or delightful. His leg is still messed up. Julia learns her Council contact Reilly isn’t human garbage, he is an AI. Devon and her endless supply of henna bores. Yale tries to make us care. Illness afflicts the colonists on G889. Yale conducts the funeral service. Morgan has no dramatic flair. Devon ends the ep stuffed into a refrigerator aka cold storage.

Morgan and his arrogant entitlement and moral failings never changed. There is stupid VR. The logistics of the Council’s plot makes no sense. Morgan and his Adrian Paul hairdo do stupid crap. Bess is wan. Morgan has no deep regret for the geo-lock incident. Zero the stupid robot is still around. The gang stumble across a crashed Council research vessel. The long history of the secret exploration of G889 has been concealed from Devon and co.

Alonzo is played by someone who may have been a good underwear model but who is a BAD actor On board the crashed ship are people in cryo-tubes. There is large ham acting. Devon constantly brings up the 1000 other colonists on the second ship that is still in transit. The colonists learn they are implanted with bio-chips. A naked female AI burbles madly. There is a ship in orbit of G889. Devon passes out. Lichen has a better acting range than this lot. You’re left emotionally distant from Devon’s fate, the hint that the Eden Project is doomed and that more horrors await them in the season 2 that never was.

Best Lines:
“Deliver him or you will die running.”

“Morgan shut it.”

“You’re doomed.”

“We’re here to settle this planet.”
“Which planet?”

“Bloody Council doctor.”

“Impossible. She’s dead by now.”

“Rather nasty consequences.”

“Devon! Julia! And all the others.”

“I can see cyberspace.”

“You can’t live here. The planet will reject you.”

“What did you see here?”
Tags: reign, review, supergirl
Subscribe

Comments for this post were disabled by the author