epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Earth2 1x09+JekyllandHyde1x01+AgentsofSHIELD3x02+Person Of Interest 4x03+Scream Queens 1x01 Reviewed

The Enemy Within
This has clunky tech, 90s sfx, exposition dumps, bad blocking, poorly shot scenes and no sense of story structure. Julia experiments on Uly at the behest of Reilly (Terry O’Quinn). Jessica Steen goes all out as Julia loses her mind and is exposed as a Council spy. Nobody notices Julia’s Council communications. Clancy Brown somehow fixes a puncture.

Julia’s betrayal was forgiven very quickly in 1x10 ‘Redemption’. Riley wants starchild Uly. The opening credits are nice. The actress who played True died. Morgan has 90s hair. Zero the robot bores. Uly is a twit. The Terrians look like men in suits. Julia thinks Uly is spoiled and experiments with his DNA while acting in an obviously suspicious fashion. Julia is treated with disgust and distain when her nefarious ways are exposed.

Alonzo has Joey hair and acts entitled, badly. Julia acts crazy and obstructive. Morgan has indignation about Julia being a Council spy, he thought she fancied him. Julia babbles madly and attacks Morgan. Devon has fabricated concern. Julia’s indiscreet behaviour and compliance gets her abandoned by the complacent liberals. The scene of Julia walking up alone in the woods on G889 was a shock. Where did she get her eyeliner? Yes she’s a spy but she’s the only doctor for 22 light years.

Best Lines:
“They used to call that snow back on Earth.”

“A product of the Council.”

“Humanity needs a new home Heller and you are living there.”

“I’m a patriot to the Council.”

“Usual resistance to space station protocol.”

“There seems to be a needle mark in Uly’s back.”
“Yes, and?”

“They’re gonna come here and they’re gonna settle this place.”

“She tried to kill you.”

“It was everyone’s decision.”

Jekyll and Hyde (2015) 1x01
This ITV series is a sequel to Robert Louis Stevenson’s novel. Everyone acts like the 2007 ‘Jekyll’ never happened. The opening credits are silly and this is dire like the forgotten ‘Demons’. Richard E Grant is in this as a mysterious man. It is 30 years after the events of the book. Jekyll’s grandson is in 1930’s Ceylon and does a lot of heightened bug-eyed acting. This is an unmitigated disaster of unfurling psychodrama. Robert Jekyll has a filthy, horrible and merciless side. He also has an Indian foster family he treats badly. This has no emotional process and is overheated and utterly insubstantial. There are no 30's haircuts. A crone is profoundly malefic. Robert is loathsome. A harbinger babbles. The ’plot’ unfurls with daft abandon and proves increasingly unsubtle. I thought the book was about a closet case, not monsters. This deserves our anger and contempt for being horrible and stupid. I am uninterested in this non-creepily convincing mess. Robert has no subtle manipulative power.

Robert dresses like a frumpy Tory. There are flashbacks to Henry Jekyll, Edward Hyde and Gabriel. There are various screaming shrew women. Who is Lily? There is an Invisible Man mention. Richard E Grant runs MI0 which fights supernatural threats. A tweed suit is sported. Robert gobbles pills and there is drool and screaming. MI0 is opposed by Tenebrae who are bad. Robert becomes Hyde and goes to a nightclub. He doesn’t look like a monster. This was terrible in every way.

Best Lines:
“Here. Your pills.”

“The clinic fell down on his head on his first day of work.”

“The world away from him.”

“This calls for a letter.”

“What family estate?”

“They never lie.”

“This is a big boy’s game.”

“Has a reputation.”
“For what?”

“I’m not at all.”

“Are you insane?”
“Quite possibly yes.”

“Nobody’s nightmares come true.”

“Bloody old woman.”

“Because he’s a monster.”

Chewing the furniture sir.”

“Charming rathole.”

Purpose In The Machine
Fitz gets away with his crap. Fitz is a stupid, disgusting, awful, unpleasant person who causes ruinous situations. People are generally surly and Coulson is incontestably annoying. I’m tired of Hunter/Mockingbird and their slow mumbling and their sad attempts to look tough. Coulson tells Hunter to murder Ward. The much maligned and misunderstood Ward reorganises Hydra. SHIELD is unhindered by morality. Coulson has a truly horrendous manipulative nature and isn't as irresistibly charming as TPTB think he is. SHIELD is a deepening horror. This episode is full of disastrous choices.

May’s ex shows up. Daisy annoys. May hangs out with her father. Fitz thinks he’s tough. Mockingbird doesn’t even have twee charm. This ep is all sludgy aesthetics and SHIELD setting themselves up as moral arbiters. It seems abjectly false hope that season 3 will be good. Ward fights people. There is a Secret Warriors mention. SHIELD violates UK airspace. May is violent. Hunter is murderous. May doesn’t think her father’s accident was an accident. The monolith does crap.

Where is SWORD? Daisy faints. Coulson really wants to do her. Ward menaces a Hydra scion. Fitz rescues Simmons. The monolith blows up or something. Why is Fitz still employed? Simmons still has nice teeth and now she will expected to iron Fitz’s ball stranglers in gratitude for him saving her. Nobody has morals and someone needs to knock Coulson’s teeth out.

Best Lines:
“Impossible sand.”

“How often does it do that?”

“You know all those words just said.”

“Struck me as odd.”

“Half-baked Satanism.”

“Like punching a waterfall.”

“Stay in line old man.”

“What exactly is Daisy?”

Reese is not friendly or jovious. The new captain has a worrying grasp of reality. Reese can be morally abhorrent and antagonising. Stout Fusco and his self-desolation tries to help the POI of the week. This ep was boring in an utterly unacceptable fashion. One feels oddly detached from this. This show always had a plausibility deficiency and this was not raw or genuine. Finch plays at being bad ass. There was bad acting and this was crap.

Best Lines:
“Listen mr fabulous.”

“A little less hair gel.”

“Socially incompetent men.”

“You think four inch heels are comfortable?

“I would mind, very much.”

This was a disappointment. In 1995 something goes down at the KKT sorority. It was originally called the KNT sorority which tells you the level of horror-comedy to expect. Now it is 2015 and more nefarious deeds are afoot at KKT. Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts) is awful and rules KKT. Lea Michele, Oliver Hudson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ariana Grande and Nick Jonas run around. Chanel is all value neutral shrill loudness. But the deaths around her cause only somnolence. There are mad stories and morally wrong behaviour. Chanel is apoplectic in an overbearing way. This is not a dark allegory of modern life nor is it scary, at all. Smug world Chanel has extreme surliness and struggles with social interaction and snob craving. She is all insufferable smugness but the goodies are so boring, she is the only interesting character.

Best Lines:
“You get STD’s from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico!”

“Waterfalls is my jam!”

“Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down!”

“That obese specimen of human filth scrubbing bulimia vomit out of the carpet.”

“Smells like hot dog water.”

“Bikini burger.”

“Stop fake crying.”

“Dating garbage people.”

“Thank you coffee donkey.”

“Hitting golf balls at hippies.”
Tags: agents of shield, jekyll, person of interest, review, scream queens

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