epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: She's Dressed To Kill + 9 others

She’s Dressed To Kill (1979)
This TV movie sees a weird fashion designer give a private show of a stolen collection at her mansion on a mountain. New model Alex (Connie Sellecca of ‘Hotel’) tags along. There is exposition, a horrible photographer, a nasty model agent named Irene, 70s hair, a makeover, social conformism, a tote bag, creepy men and an emery board. This was crap OTT camp.

The fashion designer has a cigarette holder, there are hairdos and makeup from hell and truly bad acting. One high fashion model dies of poisoned lipgloss. How do people know what bitter almonds taste like? There is an ignored crank call. This falls flat and has no weight or depth and is a lumpen folly. Everyone belittles and ridicules everyone else. Nobody is dignified and courageous and this is absurd and not in a good way.

People react imperturbably to multiple murders. A vile pervert lurks. The merciless environment of fashion is trivial and irrelevant and there is no emotional leadership. Nobody is eloquent, strong or sympathetic. This was constantly frustrating in its terribleness. The fashion show shows off sequins, hats, model wars, barely veiled hostility and a truly horrible white pleated halter dress.

The killer is revealed in a culmination of idiocy and is foiled in preposterous fashion. This was completely inadequate. How did the killer disguise army nerve gas as a can of hairspray? How did they sabotage the phones, electricity and cable car without being seen? Tight white trousers are worn. How did nobody notice the obviously fake moustache? Nobody is caring or compassionate. You don’t care about the killer, the climax or the unexpected romance.

Best Lines:
“Eyes and no hand.”

“I don’t like your hand.”

“You no longer exist.”

“Taking pictures of plastic women.”

“You wanna be a model? Walk!”


“Drunk or sober?”

“Dreadful Texan and her ugly daughter.”

“If the booze doesn’t kill you. I’m sure I will.”

“Nobody’s ever done a dead model.”

“Don’t use any cosmetics that come in the mail.”

“I decided to kill every one of them!”

“I invented the Barton girl.”

“They weren’t murders. They were justifiable revenge.”

“A lot of strange people.”

“An Olympic class rat.”

“Produce on her head.”

“She’s not going to spoil my show!”

“People today, they have no taste.”

“How can we possibly be calm with a maniac killer after us?”

“Publish esoteric books.”

“Models don’t quit.”

Just Before Dawn (1981)
In the distinctly steamy backwoods, teens encounter George Kennedy, bleached denim, bored to comatose acting, machetes and a marauding killer. This is an atrocity and it is profoundly worrying that this is seen as a classic.

Best Lines:
“My caramel cream.”

“The mountain don’t read.”

“Tell me where you’re going so when you don’t come back, I’ll know how to fill out the report.”

The Surrogate (1995)
Alyssa Milano is a surrogate mother for Connie Sellecca. One of them is crazy. But which one? Who cares, this was dire.

Trick or Treat (1986)
A dead heavy metal star plots vengeance. This was dumb but Ozzy Osbourne has a good cameo as an anti-rock evangelist.

Taboo (2002)
Six friends play a game. This is a mediocre indie film starring Amber Benson.

Little Witches (1996)
This is a terrible ‘The Craft’ knockoff which stars Jennifer Rubin, Eric Pierpoint and Zelda Rubinstein. Catholic schoolgirls summon a fertility god, Fabio look-alikes never wear shirts and the mean girl declares herself satan’s mistress. And this is all so very stupid.

Trust (1990)
A dull indie movie starring Adrienne Shelly as a pregnant high school drop out who has a dead father and a ‘boyfriend’ in an angry young man.

The Wraith (1986)
A shambles Charlie Sheen horror.

The Night Owl (1993)
A very unfortunate horror.

The Initiation (1983)
This enormously exasperatingly stubbornly bad horror stars Daphne Zuniga as an inordinately dumb girl. There are nonsensical goings on in a shopping mall and the acting is more wooden than the Black Forest. There is no insightful vulnerability just clueless angst.
Tags: movie review, scary 1970s tv

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