epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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House Of Frankenstein part 2 + You, Me and the Apocalypse 1x01 Reviewed

House Of Frankenstein (1997) part 2
Part 1 was not good. Adrian Pasdar, Teri Polo, CCH Pounder, Jorja Fox, Melinda McGraw and a bunch of no names star in this limply directed numbing miniseries featuring a rubber bat vampire, billowing curtains and dumbness. Pasdar’s cop character is the victim of radical denunciations, a braless reporter jiggles, a shrink talks to the Creature and there is yelling and bad over-acting. This was consistently terrible as the ‘hero’ has unshakeable confidence in his vampire theory. His love interest Grace (Polo) has a truly ugly haircut that makes her look like a Wilson Philips reject.

Grace’s friend Felicity (Fox) is a vampire in Goth gear. Some calling themselves Dr Victor shows up. It is said that vampires are fallen angels but what about transformed humans? Vampires can evolve? The head vampire doubts god despite being a fallen angel. A cop (McGraw) cries. Felicity wears black lipstick. The head vampire’s face never seems to move. The SFX are silly.

Best Lines:
“Inexplicable, like me.”

“Lizzie Borden’s crazy brother.”

“Maybe he’s on something.”

“Party my ass!”

“GO FIX IT!”

“Alive and not alive.”

“You’re one of us now.”

“Vampires are angels?”

“It would explain the wings.”

“Cannot stand them. Run right out of the room.”

“As angels, their only natural predator is God.”

“Not friend!”

“Created, not born.”

Madonna?”
“The Virgin Mary.”

“Go out and buy some crosses.”

“If there is a family.”

“You are a vile and contemptible man.”

~
You, Me and the Apocalypse (2015) 1x01
This Sky1 sitcom is okay and features a group of people experiencing the last days of mankind. Father Jude (Rob Lowe - who has aged into a clone of Eric Close) bullies a nun. Jailbird Rhonda is dumb. Jude is all directness. Rhonda learns jail isn’t like ’Orange is the new Black’. Jude is persuasively awful and orange. A Sky News reader reads the news. Banker Jamie is arrested and learns he has a long lost twin brother and said doppelganger stole his long lost wife. A comet will hit the earth in 34 days and it is an ELE. There are reveals and I’ll watch some more.

Best Lines:
“Get back in your closet!”

“A profound waste of time.”

“Going to rope it, soap it and grope it.”

“Like you used to do with the burning bushes.”

“I’m now officially a level 3 warlock.”

“Run my pretties run!”

“You pay rent bitch.”

“I’m losing the will to live.”

“I like my rut.”

“We will not be popular.”

“There is no faith without doubt.”

“There’s a woman who ate someone!”

“Your DNA has.”

“I never looted before.”
Tags: house of frankenstein, profit, review
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