epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Queen of Swords (2000 - 2001) 1x13 + CSI 15x12 Reviewed

Barnardo a man from Vera’s past kidnaps her. Don Gaspar her husband needs to raise a ransom. Vera and Grisham have sexy times and somehow she isn’t pregnant. Vera bends over, has a spray tan and bleached hair and is a useless load. Grisham and Montoya continue their weird homosocial bonding rituals. There is bad acting. Tessa ‘faints’ and there is unnecessary hostility. This was profoundly unfortunately bad. It was full of malaise, decay and unwelcoming manners. There is not one vestige of grandeur as people think too highly of themselves and their feelings. There is an inescapable past, smug expressions and ruined lives.

Best Lines:
“A husband is forever.”

“What a surprise to find you in bed.”

“Never to own. Always to rent.”

Dead Woods
Where is Sara’s lover who looks like a hipster’s ghost? Sara spews hoots of derision and has totally unconvincing flashbacks. A 10 year old murder/suicide case is re-opened. Ben Browder guest stars and can’t act. There is a reveal and a pitiful unkempt spurned suspect. I had cautious hope that this would be okay but no, it was terrible. It is all boredom and discontinuity that leaves one befuddled. CSI techs issue despotic orders and run the police force. This is not cohesive or coordinated. Sara doubts her mother. There is BAD acting.

Best Lines:
“Urine, booze and years without a shower.”

“Wiped out the whole family.”

“Long term storage.”

“That’s what she says.”

“Maybe that lie caught up with her.”

“Go prove it.”

“It’s Lorde; I’ll pick you up at 7.”
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